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About Facebook - A Problem

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Hi I joined this forum because of this issue I needed help with.

I have facebook since about 1 year now and I use it just to talk with my friends and family. However since I started university I have come into contact with more guys(because my school was all girls only) and recently some of them sent me friend requests. It is a very awkward position for me because while they are nice people as classmates my boyfriend does not like me to add guys on facebook. It was so awkward yesterday when one of them asked me why did I not add them on facebook and I had to explain. Now I am feeling nervous the other two will also ask me. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend but I also do not want to seem rude. Also I must do group work with 2 girls and the same 2 guys so they made a group on facebook where we can talk about the work so the two guys will certainly know I didnt add them if I reply there...I feel in such an awkward position. Has anyone any suggestions to help me I would really appreciate it.

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PropellerAds

Assalamu alaikum sister,

 

When I read your question,all was clear and good until I got here. My boyfriend does not like me to add guys on facebook.My dear sister in Islam,may be you could provide us more information about your self.What do you mean by the word boyfriend?Has there been any nikkah between you guys?Thank you,we'll wait patiently for your reply,for (when literally taken) there is a terrible clash between taking a boyfriend and your ideals to refrain from male contact.

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facebook is a social media. when we say social, we interact with people from all walks of life - either male or female - that's part of facebook. and you're right, it is awkward not to approve people who are nice and you would probably send a wrong signal about Islam. if i were in your position, i would just approve them, and be civil individual of being "nice" but not to the extent of too much communication with a male. besides, you have group work and it includes 2 males, so its really awkward not to approve them, like i said you might send a wrong signal about Islam i you act like that. it will drive them away from Islam and think that its too strict. anyways, thats just my 2 cents. and Allah knows best.

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In War with me, there is no nikkah between me and my boyfriend as of now no. I was raised as Christian and when I became 17 years old I met my boyfriend whom was Muslim. Aftertime I started to research about Islam and I became Muslim 1 year ago. I came here for advice not to be judged and I feel as though you have judged me when you said there is a terrible clash. It is difficult for me right now to live in a western society while at the same time being a Muslim. I am still learning a lot about Islam and I would appreciate if you could try and understand the situation I am in.

 

Linus thanks for your reply, and thanks for telling me what you would do in my position.

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:sl:

If you really can't decide or just contemplating on things, then there is a special prayer that you can do called "Isthikarah" that will help you to make the decision IA..Search/google for it and learn it because there are specific surah to be recited etc..(I can't remember), let us know if you require assistance in locating the info..

Hope this helps..

 

There you go, a brief info: (you are not allowed to post links yet)"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_en.wikipedia(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/wiki/Salaat-ul-Istikhaarah"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_en.wikipedia(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/wiki/Salaat-ul-Istikhaarah[/url]

Edited by RAHIMI

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If you are studying for a professional qualification and professional life there after you will have to be able to have professional work relationships with men. Or don't bother.

 

I am sure you will manage this easy professional working relationship thing.

 

Good luck.

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It isnt about professional work relationships - I am well able to cope with that. The issue was about adding them to my Facebook which is much more part of my personal life. But thanks for your opinion Tim, I do appreciate it :sl:

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If the facebook is more for your personal life, then you shouldn't add strangers there. Personally I don't like to add strangers because they would get to see all my information, posts, etc. If they ask you for it just make a separate one to keep in contact with your classmates.

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:sl:

 

I have to admit that I was thrown off when I reached the part about a boyfriend. Not because of the fact that you have one, but my understanding of your reason for not wanting to associate with these males went from being "I don't want to associate with the opposite gender for religious reasons" to "I don't want to associate with the opposite gender because I'm already in a relationship". This isn't meant to be judgmental, it just means that the advise could either be a religious one, or a social one.

 

Either way, I would advise against adding these males. You can tell them the truth, whatever it may be, and do so in a way that is not off-putting. As for the facebook group, I don't use facebook so I have no idea if its possible to join it without ending up adding them, but nonetheless, I don't think this is a really big issue. You already told someone that you can't add them. Just be firm and do the same with the other two. In a few months, this will all blow over anyway.

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Thanks Redeem, no it is just I use facebook on a more personal basis only adding people that I am close with. I would just rather be professional with the guys and keep them as 'classmates' rather than friends, I know it might sound strange. But Yeah you are right I just need to say the same thing again even if it is awkward its just when I explained to the other guy he didnt really understand why I didnt add him and I think it offended him even though I said dont take it personally. Thankfully now a group has been set up by our lecturer on the university website where I can talk about the group work so I feel a bit more relaxed now. Thanks again I do appreciate the feedback.

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Asalaamualaikum sis

 

I would just be honest, and say that you don't add guys to your fb or people you don't know. Whatever your reason is - just tell them that. I'm sure they'd appreciate the honesty and even if it's awkward at least you're saying it as it is.

As for the group for your assignment, that is separate and you do not have to discuss anything with them privately so I would personally think that's different.

 

Go with what you feel

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Islam is not something that you swallow and you're a good muslim right away. its a step by step process. take your time to study Islam and keep yourself busy by doing good deeds. May Allah, the most merciful and loving Creator guide you and have mercy on you.

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I came here for advice not to be judged and I feel as though you have judged me when you said there is a terrible clash.

 

I must make clear that I was NOT judging you sister.Then why would I be asking more info?I thought you would be a born muslim,thats why I asked about the nikkah...

 

.... your reason for not wanting to associate with these males went from being "I don't want to associate with the opposite gender for religious reasons" to "I don't want to associate with the opposite gender because I'm already in a relationship". This isn't meant to be judgmental, it just means that the advise could either be a religious one, or a social one.

 

Jazakillah khair for the back up dear sis,even if you didn't intend it :sl: .

 

You have already received enough advice,alhamdulillah.Mine will not be any different,insha Allah.

 

Oh and Jazakillah khair for your background story,May Allah guide us all to the right way.Aameen

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Assalamo alaikum

 

Dear sister

 

Its obvious that what you're trying to do is how to keep your boyfriend happy, not how to please Allah AL-Mighty.

I advise you to read more about Islam. You need to make better connection with your Creator, through prayers and reading the Quran.

 

Having a boyfriend is a great sin in Islam. Accepting male friends in Facebook is far less sinful. Your boyfriend should be ashamed of himself, taking advantage of you, being a new Muslima, while playing jealous on someone that he has no right on what so ever.

 

What you need to do today, not tomorrow, is to either cut this sinful relationship, or get married.

May Allah Al-Mighty guide both of you.

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Salaam all,

 

Two points really:

 

1. Having a boyfriend is not allowed

2. It would be better for you and other sto close their facebook accounts so many issues would be resolved. There are other means oif keeping in contact with each other.

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Non-muslim advice, which I think Muslims would give you:

 

1. Delete Facebook. It has caused you too many problems already and raised too many questions you don't want to be asked.

 

2. Dump your boyfriend. Islam is not about making your boyfriend happy. Islam is about you and Allah. If he would like to be there for the journey with you, he will wait and pursue you in a proper way--without being your "boyfriend."

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