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Should I Pursue Marriage With This Guy Or Not?

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#1 female


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Posted 22 December 2011 - 01:39 PM

So I liked this guy for a year, and he liked me back. You could say we were 'together' but I justified our relationship by saying that we weren't doing anything physical, we merely just hung out and had a good time. Besides, his family knew about me. And I told my mom I was interested in someone (although I didn't tell her we hung out alone and stuff, because otherwise she'd kill me). So, we planned to marry after 2 years, and everything was going fine. I thought he was a really nice guy because he didn't force or suggest anything physical in our relationship (not even holding hands), considering the fact that most guys would not remain in a relationship without physical contact.

However, unfortunately, satan got the best of us and we ended up making out last time we hung out. I feel extremely guilty at this point, and cannot stop thinking about what I did. (we didn't have sex, but we kissed and touched) I talked to him about this and asked him if he also felt guilty, and he said 'no, we were together for a year, and we made out because we love each other, it wasn't a random hook up'. But no matter how I try to rationalize the situation the guilt is killing me, and due to what happened I don't feel like pursuing any sort of relationship with this man anymore..even though he DID prove to be a good guy by not forcing or suggesting any physical activity for a year, and I'm also at blame for not stopping him from trying to makeout with me. I don't know what to do, I cannot look my parents in the eye anymore, and I feel like if I DO marry this man, he will just be a reminder of the mistake I made. I've talked to my friends about how I feel and everyone keeps telling me 'what i did was natural, and kissing isn't a big deal'..But I still feel restless.. I'm 20 years old, and he's 21. I don't know what to do at this point... I do pray 5 times a day..but feel to ashamed to ask for forgiveness.

Do I proceed to marry this boy, or not?

#2 Abu Firdaws

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Posted 22 December 2011 - 02:30 PM

Firstly your "friends" are wrong to say that it isn't a big deal -- it is a sin for which you should repent for, and don't let satan trick you into not asking for forgiveness from Allaah. And maybe you should find some new friends who fear Allaah. Feel guilty, repent to Allaah, learn from your mistakes. If you repent to Allaah with sincerity then Allaah will forgive you.

The fact that the boy doesn't feel guilty would suggest that he is not religiously devout, and he is not concerned about the hereafter. Do want someone who is going to help you in pleasing Allaah, or someone who is going to "help" you in sinning and doing evil? Is this individual of good character? Does he love Allaah and His Messenger (peace be upon him)? Does he fulfil his religious obligations such as praying, fasting, etc? If the answer is no then I can't see how you could marry him.

#3 Younes


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Posted 22 December 2011 - 02:39 PM

As-salamu alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

Say: "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves! Despair not of the mercy of Allah, verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (39:53)

You should definately ask for forgiveness. God forgives all sins.

I think you should follow your initial instinct of not pursuing anything with guy anymore. Why? If he is a Muslim, which I assume he is, then you should should know that not filling bad and guilty about a sin - no matter how big or small - is a major sin in itself.

You should cut off all contact with him from now. Don't be astonished if he isn't a good guy after that. Don't hang out with guys because that is not the Islamic way.

#4 Spartan786


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Posted 29 December 2011 - 01:39 AM


Hey, I'd be happy to help you out on how to fix things on a day to day level, my email is (email address removed by admin), so If you email me (make the subject: Gawaher Person, so that i know its you)

I can help you, Coz i've looked into this topic alot and I can help you out.

I'll be waiting for ur reply


#5 Abu Firdaws

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Posted 29 December 2011 - 10:25 AM

Spartan786 - The sister has repented for making the mistake of mixing with someone she shouldn't have, she wouldn't want to make the same mistake again by privately conversing with you.