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Hello to everybody,

 

and thank you all for your future support.

I'm sorry for getting so fast into the subject but I'm "dying" to know what is right and wrong.

I'll tell the story shortly but for sure evrybody will understand.

I'm european woman (christian) deep in love with muslim man (living in Algeria). We "met" through internet 2 years ago and we met for real 4 times since then. We love eachother more then words can say and in this moment our problem is the following. He is younger then me (just finished university this year), he asked me to marry him (and I said yes), he promissed me he gonna move and live here (my country) no later then this year and i stronglly believe him. Our problem is his father.

He told his father about me 1 year ago but he strongly disagree our relation and fought with him about this.

In this moment, my boyfriend wanna come here, get marry and start life together but he's telling me that we have to delay and wait for his father to agree because he can't disobey his father or upset him (he is afraid his father will curs him and because his muslim he will have a bad life being cursed by his dad).

I know (from all things he told me) that his dad will never agree this and I'm about to let go this relation (I'm mature woman who knows exactely what life is all about) cause is just bringing both of us a lot pain.I can see he is "dying" to be with me but on the other side he can't make a decision....

Is it right to be afraid of being cursed just because you want to live your life according to your wishes?

Is it so wrong to be in love and wanna start a life with the one you love just because your dad doesn't agree?

I know that in Islam you have to obey your parents (according to my mind doesn't mater religion - you have to respect your parents but this doesn't mean - in my opinion- to live your life as they want).

I read few posts in here and I saw you people talking about human right as for example:

"Remember also that while your parents have rights over you they do not have the right to make life decisions for you. They do not have the right to demand what you study, who you marry and where you live. Those choices and many others are yours, if your parents in your case are not happy with them, yet Allah swt has made it Halal for you then that is their issue and they do NOT have the right to be upset with you."

I'm asking you (and thanking you in advance) for a strong advice cause this way of living is "killing us both" and I'm sure that sooner or later will damage our relation..

Thank you again for all your help

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PropellerAds

welcome to the forum, this section is only for a brief introduction and questions are usually asked in the other sections of the forum.

 

However, I don't think people can give you advice because we only know your side of the story, we don't know this guy and his intentions. Of course his father is not going to agree because he probably wants his son to marry a Muslim girl and most parents don't want their child to be in a relationship before they get married because they don't want them to commit sins. I think you should think more about the intentions of this guy,, I am not saying it isn't real but I have heard plenty of stories of young guys with older women who get married just for a visa. This may not be the case for you but just be careful. Also remember the consequences of getting married to this man - are you ready for cultural differences, religious differences? If you choose to remain christian and you both have children will you be ok with the idea of your children being Muslim. It may seem all rosy now but living with this man 24/7 is going to be a lot different than meeting now and then.

 

Well I hope that you will come to learn about Islam on this forum. You can ask questions about Islam here: http://www.gawaher.com/forum/285-non-muslim-qa/

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Thank you very much for your answer.

Maybe I put it in the wrong way asking for advice, the important thing for me to know is if is right (normal) to be cursed by your dad in an issue as ours and doesn't mater right or wrong (cause in my opinion is wrong) is it normal to be afraid of this possible curse? Is he doing something wrong (as I know Islam allows marriages between muslims and christians).

Just for you to know bit more I can tell you is no visa interest cause he already have visa for Spain and besides his brother lives in France and he can go there if is about just getting in Europe.

About consequences I thought a lot and yes, I know that sometimes problems can appear (but which couple doesn't face problems?) but we like to think we are both smart open mind people who can accept differences and live with this differences. We spoke a lot about.....i know is different to live with somebody then just meeting sometimes.

About Islam I read a lot, cause I want to know...i want to understand ...just to be able to support him and be next to him whenever he needs, but is very hard to know details because i saw lot of interpretetions in the same mater and is not like an exact science.......is exactely the reason I'm asking you about our issue...cause as I read that cursing is a capital sin in Islam but I also know you shouldn't upset parents....so....how can it be in the end?!....you have to live their life ...the life they choose for you...or you can live yours...according to your wills ...your wishes...your heart...not harming anybody but their feelings (parents)...

Maybe I'm wrong but i grew up in a family where parents are willing to die for their kids happiness....and my parents are really proud of us...their kids...after all is all about love and respect when we are adults...... love and respect should be from all sides....for all people on earth...

Thank you again for everything and sorry for posting in wrong place or if I said something to disturb.

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Hello sister,

 

You're right about his father but what is the situation of the boy?

 

It seems you're a grown mature woman as you said so face your problem and make it yours not others'. It's not a matter of the father, it's of you both. Your man graduated and becomes free to find a job and to be independant.

 

He doesn't obey his father or afraid from him, he needs him as the sole a financial support. Being afraid of his curse and obeying his order is not true.

If he wants you and you wants him then solve your financial problem and make him independant by finding a job, house,,,, by this he can make his own decision.

 

There is another imp point, you said "boyfriend", is he a bed boy friend or only a friend? Take care.

If he gets you, you'll be no more than..... so take care. In such cases, a man can marry his lover easily and if he doesn't, it means she is of no value to him.

 

Always remember that he is not Christian, he is a Muslim and a Muslim can marry so easily and divorce so easily, Islam marriage is not as Christian marriage. If he committed adultry without marrying you (even with unofficial paper), then you're nothing to him. If you're relation is kept friends, then he is serious about marrying you.

 

In brief, if he wants to marry you bcause he needs you (as a body), it's easy to marry secretly cuz marriage and divorce rules in Islam are very simple. If he wants you (as a respectful woman and become his wife), he will try to be independant and of no need to his father's money. If he he doesn't want you and you're nothing to him, he will get you without marriage (temporar solution) and he's planning for another future not with you.

 

So what are you going to do to solve your problem?

Edited by Happyforever

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Hello Happyforever and thank you,

 

when I say thank you i mean it cause I was more then sure is totaly wrong to curse your son in such an issue.

Our problem is not a financial one, cause I have my own house, my own money and besides this he knows I can help him with job and so on (to start life from this point of view). Bottomn line is that (reading what you wrote) I'm more then sure that his problem is just being so young (which I was already thinking is the real problem). Because he is telling me (as you say) that he is not afraid of his dad ...he is just afraid of his curse which gonna ruin his life..and besides this I can tell you he is obeying his dad (at least so far).....maybe he is afraid that our relation won't work and it will be no way back home...upsetting his dad now...and this I think comes also from his youth and lack of independence until now...

Anyhow...thank you again for your words....cause really...it was impossible for me to believe that Islam can allow this....cursing ur kid..just cause he wanna live the country to live else where....and even if cursing....he shouldn t be afraid...cause he doesn't do anything wrong.....or bad..

Have a wonderful day

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Hello Happyforever and thank you,

 

when I say thank you i mean it cause I was more then sure is totaly wrong to curse your son in such an issue.

Our problem is not a financial one, cause I have my own house, my own money and besides this he knows I can help him with job and so on (to start life from this point of view). Bottomn line is that (reading what you wrote) I'm more then sure that his problem is just being so young (which I was already thinking is the real problem). Because he is telling me (as you say) that he is not afraid of his dad ...he is just afraid of his curse which gonna ruin his life..and besides this I can tell you he is obeying his dad (at least so far).....maybe he is afraid that our relation won't work and it will be no way back home...upsetting his dad now...and this I think comes also from his youth and lack of independence until now...

Anyhow...thank you again for your words....cause really...it was impossible for me to believe that Islam can allow this....cursing ur kid..just cause he wanna live the country to live else where....and even if cursing....he shouldn t be afraid...cause he doesn't do anything wrong.....or bad..

Have a wonderful day

 

 

Ok, I got it. But the question is still arising "What are you going to do to solve your problem?"

 

Why does he think he will be cursed and your marriage will not continue? Yes he is young but being young means can be convinced.

 

Actually the key is in your hand. As you said, Muslims are allowed to marry Christian women:

 

 

"أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ ٱلطَّيِّبَـٰتُ‌ۖ وَطَعَامُ ٱلَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ ٱلۡكِتَـٰبَ حِلٌّ۬ لَّكُمۡ وَطَعَامُكُمۡ حِلٌّ۬ لَّهُمۡ‌ۖ وَٱلۡمُحۡصَنَـٰتُ مِنَ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنَـٰتِ وَٱلۡمُحۡصَنَـٰتُ مِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ ٱلۡكِتَـٰبَ مِن قَبۡلِكُمۡ إِذَآ ءَاتَيۡتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحۡصِنِينَ غَيۡرَ مُسَـٰفِحِينَ وَلَا مُتَّخِذِىٓ أَخۡدَانٍ۬‌ۗ وَمَن يَكۡفُرۡ بِٱلۡإِيمَـٰنِ فَقَدۡ حَبِطَ عَمَلُهُ ۥ وَهُوَ فِى ٱلۡأَخِرَةِ مِنَ ٱلۡخَـٰسِرِينَ (٥)

"Today the good things are made lawful for you, and the food of the ones to whom the Book was

brought is lawful to you, and your food is made lawful to them. And (so) are believing women in

wedlock, and in wedlock women of (the ones) to whom the Book was brought even before you

when you have brought them their rewards in wedlock, other than in fornication, neither taking

mates (i.e., girl-friends). And whoever disbelieves in belief, (i.e., the religion)

then his deed has been frustrated and in the Hereafter he is among the losers" Al Ma'eda

 

 

 

Read this Ayah accurately, and always keep in mind.

 

Look at Mariam, how she was and how she looks, she is our ideal. Make her your ideal and this man will not be any longer afraid of the curse which is mentioned in the last line of the Ayah.

 

Try now to make slight changes in appearance and you will feel its reflection inside. Just try and Allah with you.

 

I ask Allah to make your life happy and also your forever life.

 

 

 

Happy Forever

Edited by Happyforever

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If he married you without the consent of his father and later on in future his father dies he will never ever forgive himself; and his life may be turn to misery thinking of what happed.

 

The below hadith is for Happyforever who said “Being afraid of his curse and obeying his order is not true”.

 

حدثنا شيبان بن فروخ حدثنا أبو عوانة عن سهيل عن أبيه عن أبي هريرة عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال رغم أنف ثم رغم أنف ثم رغم أنف قيل من يا رسول الله قال من أدرك أبويه عند الكبر أحدهما أو كليهما فلم يدخل الجنة

صحيح مسلم

English Meaning

In spite of and in spite of spite ... and then it was said, O Messenger of God who is that? He said, the person who catches his parents in old age, one or both of them and did not enter Paradise

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If he married you without the consent of his father and later on in future his father dies he will never ever forgive himself; and his life may be turn to misery thinking of what happed.

 

The below hadith is for Happyforever who said “Being afraid of his curse and obeying his order is not true”.

 

حدثنا شيبان بن فروخحدثنا أبو عوانةعن سهيلعن أبيهعن أبي هريرةعن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال رغم أنف ثم رغم أنف ثم رغم أنف قيل من يا رسول الله قال من أدرك أبويه عند الكبر أحدهما أو كليهما فلم يدخل الجنة

صحيح مسلم

English Meaning

In spite of and in spite of spite ... and then it was said, O Messenger of God who is that? He said, the person who catches his parents in old age, one or both of them and did not enter Paradise

 

Who commit a major sin and not afraid of Allah, how to be afraid of his father for doing halal?

 

 

Sister,

 

I forgot to comment about age difference, it's not considered as long as love and respect is there. I don't forget that the messenger of Allah married Khadija at 25 while she was 40 and their marriage was successful and his love towards her continued even after her death.

 

Khadija and Mariam are the ideal women for all women. Read about their life to know that love is not only a passion but entity.

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I am not defending their relation, rather emphasis the power of parents in our life.

 

You said “Muslim can marry so easily and divorce so easily”; with my respect, I believe marriage in Islam is not a game to say such statement; if you are talking for a specific place then appoint it. Beside, Muslim nowadays married according Man-made laws.

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I am not defending their relation, rather emphasis the power of parents in our life.

 

You said “Muslim can marry so easily and divorce so easily”; with my respect, I believe marriage in Islam is not a game to say such statement; if you are talking for a specific place then appoint it. Beside, Muslim nowadays married according Man-made laws.

 

I mean by "easily" that there are no hard conditions for it. If he later feels their marriage is not no more successful, he can divorce her by uttering two words "Inti Taleq". I remind her only that it is not impossible for him to marry her and the door is open to live with her as a wife even without telling his father and if he doesn't want to continue, he can divorce her. If he finds this too much for her and he will not lose anything, it shows how much he is devil, doesn't care about committing a great sin although he can turn it halal, doesn't care about this woman and her reputation. I hope you got the meaning of "easily" in this specific situation.

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hi everyone.

As far as iknow there is no restriction for a muslim to marry a christian girl, So i Think this is not a religous matter;

However,Cultural Differences are always a problem. Firstly/ You Cannot 'Make' her parents like you or agree to your marriage. I know you don't want to hear that,

Try to explain to his parents that whatever differences you & they may have,it means Nothing compared to the Love you have for their son. NEVER Disrespect them! But DO Stand up for yourself.

If you really love him try to win his parents

 

Try to convince them that whatever happens,you WILL Care for him & that married to you,he will never know hunger,fear,sadness!

Parents are parents no matter what,they wish always to see their son happy in his life.

Are YOU Prepared to change Your beliefs to win him If they ask? Is what you Are more Important to you than Your Love for him? Play up to the parents,Especially to the Father if he is the Head of their household. Be contrary,be Argumentative with them,Just Keep Trying!!

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Ok, I got it. But the question is still arising "What are you going to do to solve your problem?"

 

Why does he think he will be cursed and your marriage will not continue? Yes he is young but being young means can be convinced.

 

Actually the key is in your hand. As you said, Muslims are allowed to marry Christian women:

 

 

"أُحِلَّ لَكُمُ ٱلطَّيِّبَـٰتُ‌ۖ وَطَعَامُ ٱلَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ ٱلۡكِتَـٰبَ حِلٌّ۬ لَّكُمۡ وَطَعَامُكُمۡ حِلٌّ۬ لَّهُمۡ‌ۖ وَٱلۡمُحۡصَنَـٰتُ مِنَ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنَـٰتِ وَٱلۡمُحۡصَنَـٰتُ مِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ أُوتُواْ ٱلۡكِتَـٰبَ مِن قَبۡلِكُمۡ إِذَآ ءَاتَيۡتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحۡصِنِينَ غَيۡرَ مُسَـٰفِحِينَ وَلَا مُتَّخِذِىٓ أَخۡدَانٍ۬‌ۗ وَمَن يَكۡفُرۡ بِٱلۡإِيمَـٰنِ فَقَدۡ حَبِطَ عَمَلُهُ ۥ وَهُوَ فِى ٱلۡأَخِرَةِ مِنَ ٱلۡخَـٰسِرِينَ (٥)

"Today the good things are made lawful for you, and the food of the ones to whom the Book was

brought is lawful to you, and your food is made lawful to them. And (so) are believing women in

wedlock, and in wedlock women of (the ones) to whom the Book was brought even before you

when you have brought them their rewards in wedlock, other than in fornication, neither taking

mates (i.e., girl-friends). And whoever disbelieves in belief, (i.e., the religion)

then his deed has been frustrated and in the Hereafter he is among the losers" Al Ma'eda

 

 

 

Read this Ayah accurately, and always keep in mind.

 

Look at Mariam, how she was and how she looks, she is our ideal. Make her your ideal and this man will not be any longer afraid of the curse which is mentioned in the last line of the Ayah.

 

Try now to make slight changes in appearance and you will feel its reflection inside. Just try and Allah with you.

 

I ask Allah to make your life happy and also your forever life.

 

 

 

Happy Forever

 

That is incorrect. A Muslim man can marry a Christian or Jewish or Muslim woman but a Muslim woman is supposed to marry only a Muslim man as I understand it. I say this as someone who is married to a Christian woman (Catholic) and we got married in the masjid

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That is incorrect. A Muslim man can marry a Christian or Jewish or Muslim woman but a Muslim woman is supposed to marry only a Muslim man as I understand it. I say this as someone who is married to a Christian woman (Catholic) and we got married in the masjid

 

This is exactly what is written in the Ayah and explained in the interpretation. Which point you feel otherwise?

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We are allowed to marry the people of the book and the point was pointed out to me by my Imam who spent near a decade studying the shariah as well as the Qur'an in depth at a school in the middle east. something tells me he might know more than you on the matter so I take what he says with more value, sry.

 

surah 5:5 might be a good starting point for you

Edited by abdullahfath

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Christain Sister, I believe you should appeal to your male soon to be possible spouse and ask the guy to specifically speak to his father about what his EXACT problems are with you two getting married, and if you can in anyway appeal to the mans father and make your own case to him directly or through a male relative I'm sure that would help your problem. In the fact with religion, It's halal for a muslim guy to marry a non-muslim girl, but obviously as a brother stated above its more of a culture thing.

TL;DR

If I were you i'd find out the exact problems the father has and try to fix them if possible, if not, by all means end the relationship as soon as possible because it will just hurt both of you more later on down the road.

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Hello to everybody and thank you all for your thoughts,

 

I'll try to answer to all of you here cause I have just 1 post until tonight.

Happy (thank you for your wishes) - as I told you I read a lot..so I know a lot..I know about Mariam as I know about Khadija...so..about age difference I'm well aware and believe I'm aware about almost everything. You asked me what I'll do to solve the problem...unfortunately is nothing I can do...I did all I could and still doing..but our problem is between his hands cause is his decision to make..and about him being afraid of his dad curse i already told you the reason..he is afraid that if he won't live his life according to his dad will...he will upset his dad and so..his dad gonna be entitled to curse...which I think is so wrong...so..."the key" is not in my hands...

 

AhmedTi - he didn't marry me yet..because we are not together (we live as I said far away from eachother, in different countries..different worlds)..and his problem in this exact moment is not only marriage..is moving here to live with me and marry me eventualy..and...sorry to tell you but I'll never agree what you said..about turning his life in misery by the time his dad will pass away....I think is our lives we are talking about here..our parents live their lives according their will...why we 're not aloud to do the same?...why he has to live there, marry somebody just like this (without feelings)..rather then living with the one he loves in different place (this doesn't mean we have to fight our parents..or to do not help them...or disrespect..or whatever)..I think is our "duty" to us to live happy life..and about getting marry and divorce (if by any chance relation doesn't work) unfortunately it may happen to anybody..is the reason they "invented" divorce..to do not be force to live unhappy compromising life...

 

Panther - thank you - yes, I agree, is not a religious matter is more like cultural one..(I think is much more then cultural...I think is his dad who can't "see" behind his own rules)..thank you for your advice but unfortunately is not an option for me...(i never met his parents or visit his country...and not because I didn't want...just because he is afraid as I'm keep saying)..about changing my beliefs...what to say...no...I won't change nothing for this matter..because loving somebody...make somebody happy..care about somebody..and prove to him each day he is the love of your life..I think is enough to get the same in return...if we don't get the same in return (for any reason)..is nothing there..is not the same feelings...so we have to let go..

 

KingThex - thank you - he spoke with his dad 1 year ago about me...and his dad has all the problems in the world with me (I'm not muslim, I'm living far from there, I'm older then him)..besides this...by that time i felt a great sorrow seeing that somebody dares to judge me even he doesn't know me (I think is wrong to do this...I'm somebodys kid also...and my parents would never judge before knowing people they are talking about)..since that time (1 year ago) he didn't mention nothing to his dad...he just wanna live the country for a job (i arranged him a job in here) but even so..his dad doesn't agree....and I can tell you why I think is like this (is just my opinion from what I know and see)..my love is only boy he have home (his other son left in France, got married in there) so he want him there in a huge home ..living all together ...and relying on his help...which ...again...is so wrong in my opinion..if we (as people) are having kids....just to have somebody as a "slave"...is so ...so...wrong...

Finally I'll tell you that I won't quit our love just because is possible to suffer much more later (I'm prepared also for this)..it will be his decision to make if he will realise it will be better this way...I don't think it will be...but doesn't mater what I think...

 

And now...for everybody here who thought about me....who wanted to help..thank you again all of you..somehow I got the answer to my first question...is a sin to curse...as is a sin to disrespect or hurt your parents.......only question remaining (but nobody able to answer it) is...living your own life according to your will...your feelings..means desrespect?!....i think no...and I hope he (my love) will realise this on his own...so help us God...

 

Have a great day..all of you!

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This day are (all) good things made lawful for you. The food of those who have received the Scripture is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And so are the virtuous women of the believers and the virtuous women of those who received the Scripture before you (lawful for you) when ye give them their marriage portions and live with them in honour, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines. Whoso denieth the faith, his work is vain and he will be among the losers in the Hereafter.
surah al maeda verse 5 Edited by abdullahfath
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We are allowed to marry the people of the book and the point was pointed out to me by my Imam who spent near a decade studying the shariah as well as the Qur'an in depth at a school in the middle east. something tells me he might know more than you on the matter so I take what he says with more value, sry.

 

surah 5:5 might be a good starting point for you

 

I think you misundersand. Ayah 5:5 is which I posted in Arabic and its interpretation in English. It does say that Muslim male is allowed to marry muslima and females who follow the book (previous books). No mention here of muslima to marry non Muslim. From where you got this misunderstanding? And no need to compare me with your Sheikh.

 

Salam

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surah al maeda verse 5

 

This is the Ayah I've already quoted but this interpetation is weak, so I used a better one.

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Happy (thank you for your wishes) - as I told you I read a lot..so I know a lot..I know about Mariam as I know about Khadija...so..about age difference I'm well aware and believe I'm aware about almost everything.

 

So what? just knowing is not enough....Great Sheikhs know soooo much and advise people and teach them but,,, they don't apply their own words.

 

about changing my beliefs...what to say...no...I won't change nothing for this matter..because loving somebody...make somebody happy..care about somebody..and prove to him each day he is the love of your life..I think is enough to get the same in return...if we don't get the same in return (for any reason)..is nothing there..is not the same feelings...so we have to let go..

 

You don't know what is love. When will you start to know from heart? Love yourself first, sis. Your blind love is temporar as dust, will turn to dust once you're dust. Tell me if his voice was different, would you love him? If his face was different, would you love him? If his body was different, would you love him? They are all dust, alive dust, if you love dust, then this is a lower love. There is much great love which is to love for Allah, to hate for Allah, that's when you love Allah.

 

 

his dad has all the problems in the world with me (I'm not muslim, I'm living far from there, I'm older then him)..

(i arranged him a job in here) but even so..his dad doesn't agree....

 

and I can tell you why I think is like this (is just my opinion from what I know and see)..my love is only boy he have home (his other son left in France, got married in there) so he want him there in a huge home ..living all together ...and relying on his help...which ...again...is so wrong in my opinion..if we (as people) are having kids....just to have somebody as a "slave"...is so ...so...wrong...

 

As the father wants, you also want. If he's wrong, then you also wrong. Why it's wrong to keep his son beside him enjoying his future grand sons? If this is selfishness, it is his right to feel that. This is his son, his own. And you want to keep him in your home bacause you've been chating for two years?!

 

In Islam, man is owned by his father. Man's wife is following him and has to go where ever he takes her. You marry a faimly before marrying a man. Accept his family, understand Islam, they will accept you and understand you. It's not a trade, I take your son and give him happiness and all of you forget him, his mine. You forget, he's not your property, and so near will awake from this. From a woman made him a sinner and wants to steal him from his family.

 

Send him this message, Awake.

 

And I ask you, are you Christian or that's what written in your ID?

 

 

 

is a sin to curse...as is a sin to disrespect or hurt your parents.......only question remaining (but nobody able to answer it) is...living your own life according to your will...your feelings..means desrespect?!....i think no...and I hope he (my love) will realise this on his own...so help us God...

 

Yes, it is. A sin to disobey his parents and cause them suffereing and sadness. Try to think that they do really think of what is better for him. They do know more than him and can see better from their mirror. (Who told you that your love is better for him?)

Edited by Happyforever

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wow....is all what i can say...wow...i can't laugh cause is nothing to laugh about...i can't cry....nothing to be sad about...i m just amazed....

 

"So what? just knowing is not enough....Great Sheikhs know soooo much and advise people and teach them but,,, they don't apply their own words."

 

I have a mind of my own...knowing things it means I can make my decisions in life according to things i know...good or bad...is God who gonna judge me..not people...cause I'm not going to court and I didn't think is a court in here.

 

"You don't know what is love. When will you start to know from heart? Love yourself first, sis. Your blind love is temporar as dust, will turn to dust once you're dust. Tell me if his voice was different, would you love him? If his face was different, would you love him? If his body was different, would you love him? They are all dust, alive dust, if you love dust, then this is a lower love. There is much great love which is to love for Allah, to hate for Allah, that's when you love Allah."

 

Sorry for asking...who are you to judge me?...I came here (in this forum) to ask a question...simple one...and I was talking here about my love for a man not my love for God...it was not the issue...maybe you missunderstood...I'll try to make it clear for you....I love lot of "dust"...I love my family, I love my friends, I love him...and whats between me and God...is between me and God....is not between me, God and you....

 

" As the father wants, you also want. If he's wrong, then you also wrong. Why it's wrong to keep his son beside him enjoying his future grand sons? If this is selfishness, it is his right to feel that. This is his son, his own. And you want to keep him in your home bacause you've been chating for two years?!"

 

Again....sorry...u didn't understand...so I'll say it again...is not about what I want (I already said is his decision to make)...and I'll ask you why this son?!...and I'll answer..cause the other one left....why he left?...you have to ask him....maybe because it was great living with his dad....

And by the way ...don't call him "this"..."this is his son"...you should use "he"..."he is his son"....we are not talking about a thing....

 

"In Islam, man is owned by his father. Man's wife is following him and has to go where ever he takes her. You marry a faimly before marrying a man. Accept his family, understand Islam, they will accept you and understand you. It's not a trade, I take your son and give him happiness and all of you forget him, his mine. You forget, he's not your property, and so near will awake from this. From a woman made him a sinner and wants to steal him from his family."

 

As I know, ever since slavery was abolished, only beings that we can own are pets....sorry to let you know...we can't own humans (so for sure he is not my property and he won't be ever somebodies property). What you didn't understand is that he wanna come here (cause I offered myself to go there). And about me making him a sinner...here I smile...I can tell you he is a man...taller then me...stronger then me...so...nothing happened against his will..about stealling...again...he is a human beign...you can't steel humans...he is not a thing (he is smart, amazing man)...

And yes, I'm Christian...even is not your concearn....I'm just human after all...as everybody in here....

 

"Yes, it is. A sin to disobey his parents and cause them suffereing and sadness. Try to think that they do really think of what is better for him. They do know more than him and can see better from their mirror. (Who told you that your love is better for him?)"

 

About this...what to say...I saw in here...different opinions...it means...is not written anywhere that you are not aloud to make your own choices in life...and as you said...they think of what is better for him(they don't know for sure)...because about the future nobody can say nothing....I didn 't say my love is better....I just think we deserve a chance...maybe we are wrong....but nobody knows this until we gonna live this.

 

So, to end this, I'll thank you again for all your thoughts...and I'll just advice you to do not judge people you don't know...you may hurt (is it ok to hurt people?!....)

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I have a mind of my own...knowing things it means I can make my decisions in life according to things i know...good or bad...is God who gonna judge me..not people...cause I'm not going to court and I didn't think is a court in here.

 

 

 

Of course you're free to choose good and bad and we all are free. It's our nature which Allah inserted within us to follow good, to follow the truth. Allah is The Truth and His religion Islam is The Truth and the word of truth is "La Ilah Ila Allah" "No god but Allah". Say it and believe in Allah and follow his orders and marry that man and he will not be afraid of the curse nor his father will be afraid of it.

 

 

 

Sorry for asking...who are you to judge me?...I came here (in this forum) to ask a question...simple one...and I was talking here about my love for a man not my love for God...it was not the issue...maybe you missunderstood...I'll try to make it clear for you....I love lot of "dust"...I love my family, I love my friends, I love him...and whats between me and God...is between me and God....is not between me, God and you....

Pure love, required love, they are your people whom you owe favor. But knowing a strange man and making him his lover is a sin a major sin against the order of Allah. You didn't read the Ayah well, read it again.

Love as a passion to a person for no reason but him is not a true love, but loving someone for the sake of Allah that he will help you to be nearer to Allah and protect you and love his manner and belief. This is the true love, the love for Allah, then you will care about his happiness not only through you but through having a big lovable family among satisfied parents.

 

Again....sorry...u didn't understand...so I'll say it again...is not about what I want (I already said is his decision to make)...and I'll ask you why this son?!...and I'll answer..cause the other one left....why he left?...you have to ask him....maybe because it was great living with his dad....

And by the way ...don't call him "this"..."this is his son"...you should use "he"..."he is his son"....we are not talking about a thing....

Sorry for the misunderstanding, this can be used for person or third-person. I doubt it is grammar mistake (you did spelling mistakes but I can get them -_-).

 

 

 

As I know, ever since slavery was abolished, only beings that we can own are pets....sorry to let you know...we can't own humans (so for sure he is not my property and he won't be ever somebodies property). What you didn't understand is that he wanna come here (cause I offered myself to go there). And about me making him a sinner...here I smile...I can tell you he is a man...taller then me...stronger then me...so...nothing happened against his will..about stealling...again...he is a human beign...you can't steel humans...he is not a thing (he is smart, amazing man)...

And yes, I'm Christian...even is not your concearn....I'm just human after all...as everybody in here....

 

No, don't smile grown woman, if you read the Ayah very well will understand why Allah recommended Muslim men to marry (Muhsanat), women who are virtuous and don't have boyfriends. He is a man and a man at his age is a boy not mature like you. He is fresh graduate has no experience in life found a beautiful lady knocking his door, how can he say no. Men are weak in front of beautiful women like you. You can't disregard your responsibilty. Women in Islam always have less penatly than men because they are weak but for the penatly of adultry we are equal, 100 slash for who are not married, thrown by stones till death for who is married or married before.

No slavery here, it is obedience, we obey our messenger, our parents, our ruler and we're not their slaves. Parents have great rank in Quran "And don't say "Heuf" to them and don't insult them and say to them good saying".

 

"Yes, it is. A sin to disobey his parents and cause them suffereing and sadness. Try to think that they do really think of what is better for him. They do know more than him and can see better from their mirror. (Who told you that your love is better for him?)"

 

 

....I didn 't say my love is better....I just think we deserve a chance...maybe we are wrong....but nobody knows this until we gonna live this

Everyone deserves a chance and his right to have a chance but it's we who make the chance and exploit it. So don't reject it, Allah protect you.

 

So, to end this, I'll thank you again for all your thoughts...and I'll just advice you to do not judge people you don't know...you may hurt (is it ok to hurt people?!....)

 

I don't judge and noone can judge you as you're free. There is The One Who judge us for every slight deed, saying and hint we do as He is nearer to us more than the jugular vein.

I don't mean to hurt you, I press on your mistakes, weak points, good points and chances in front of you. You do have a chance so please don't ignore it and say "I am freee to do what I want".

 

Allah bless you

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Does he have any other brothers/sisters who could appeal to his father on his behalf? My uncle (a great man) went to australia to study and he met a great australian women there who he fell in love with, after awhile he decided he wanted to marry her and she was also really keen in getting married, but once my uncle asked my grandmother if it was ok (my grandfather had passed away by then) my grandmother was completely 100% against it cause she thought the australian would be a complete disgrace and just someone after the wealth of my rich family.

 

BUT , my uncle truly loved the australian, and she loved him too. What my uncle did was appeal to my dad, who was the big man in the house, handled money, made big decisions, etc etc. He spoke to my grandmother gently and persuaded her based on the fact that lets say we DONT let them get married, and find him a nice girl from our home land, won't he always think about her? wouldn't that ruin his life, and his potential spouses? After being spoken to from someone other then my uncle who was supposedly "blinded by love" my grandmother saw things in a more realistic sense, and out of the love of her child , she allowed the wedding to happen and all was good.

 

Fast forward a few years, my australian aunt is an amazing woman who converted to Islam, (out of her free will, no force or pressure at all) they have 2 kids, and have been happily married for over 10 years now, probably around 15 years.

 

TL:DR

Sister it seems you are serious about this, so I advise you to speak to the man you love about getting him to appeal to close family members who could speak on his behalf to his father and help the father understand how he could ruin his sons life with what he is planning. Also to appeal to the fact that his son would be happy with you, and he wouldn't be abandoning his father, but rather beginning his own life which his father can surely be a part of? At the end of the day I don't believe in curses or any of that stuff, and to be explicit I know for a fact that magic and all that dark stuff is haram in Islam and possibly considered shirk? Not sure if it is shirt, but 100% haram. Do what you heart tells you, and please understand this isn't a religious thing, more of a stubborn father whose worried about losing his son to some white girl. (no offense meant, just being literal) , I'll pray for you insha Allah

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At the end of the day I don't believe in curses or any of that stuff, and to be explicit I know for a fact that magic and all that dark stuff is haram in Islam and possibly considered shirk?

 

As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

 

Cursing in an Islamic context is not like in English where it means putting a jinx on someone. Allah has cursed certain people in the Qur'an like Pharaoh and those who reject Islam. The Prophet (pbuh) also cursed certain criminals.

 

With that being said, having your son marry a Christian is not entitlement to curse him.

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Lore, I think you should try to look at this from an objective point of view. Try to detach yourself from the situation.

 

First, let me say that a son could marry a Christian woman whether his parents agree or not. However, that is not what he should necessarily do. In Islam there are things which are allowed, i.e. they are merely permissable. They are not ideal.

 

Try to look at this from the father's perspective. He does not know anything about you. Most parents, whether Muslim or non-Muslim, don't want their children marrying total strangers. I think the father has legitimate concerns. There are Muslims who leave their countries, they become worse. (Note, I am not saying that it is due to the wife, it can be sometimes though). Muslims hear bad stories, whether true or false, about Muslims marrying non-Muslim women and thus they expect the same to happen to their children. They want their children to avoid that like any parent would.

 

We, as humans, do this, i.e. assume the worst, all the time. For example, you said, "why he has to live there, marry somebody just like this (without feelings)." Marrying somebody "over there" does not mean that there won't be any feelings. That's just an assumption. In the same way, the father assumes the worst. Or to give you another example, you basically said that the father wants to keep his son as a slave. Why assume the worst when the father could simply want his son to live close to him, be able to see him often and want to see his grand-children? In the same way, the father assumes the worst, not the best. He probably thinks his son will enter a lot of trouble.

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