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How Can I Purify My Intentions? Heartbreak Is Corrupting Me.

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As-salamu alaykum,


My name is Aisha, and i am a muslim. My mother is a white convert, and my father is a british indian. I have always had a mixed identity, and although both my parents are practicing muslims, having many non-muslim family members (from my mothers side), has always made it very difficult for me to be as practicing as i know i should be. My parents have always encouraged me, especially my father, to practice Islam, but i've always pushed religion to one side- always knowing the importance of religion but not fearing god enough to do anything about it.


I am currently at university, and have just started my second year. Towards the end of my first year, I met a lovely muslim boy who studies on the same course as me. Although he is far from perfect, i feel that he is a good person and has Islam in his heart. He suffered a great deal of guilt and regret about the relationship we shared (and although i could fully understand why, i just couldn't bring myself to feel the same way- i was totally blinded by the euphoria of love). over the course of about 4 months we grew very close, and i know perfectly well this should never have happened- but it did. love is a powerful thing and can blind the heart and soul. Recently he told me he could never see a future with me, he's reasons being that he wanted to find a wife who was a practicing muslim, and that he believed we weren't right for each other. (although i have faith in my heart, i am not practicing at all, something i am very ashamed of). After he said this to me, i felt the strong desire to become more practicing, in the hope that he would change he's mind about me. I cant help but feel that this is entirely wrong, and i am changing for the wrong reasons. how can i purify my intentions? i'm in a constant battle with myself and its killing me. I have been praying to god to purify my intentions, to take away the heart ache- which is leading me to want to change myself to win him back, rather than for the sake of Allah. any advice would be much appreciated.

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Wa'alaykum Asalaam,


Attach yourself to the quran inshallah, read the Arabic along with the english. You need to learn about Allah and how can you love Allah if you do not know, so use the Quran as a means to get to know your creator. Also read the seerah (biography) of the prophet SAWS. Continue to pray to Allah and seek forgivness for the sins that you have committed. It may be that through this experiance you will be able to geniunly become closer to your Lord. May Allah guide you to what is best for you.

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Wa 'alaikum as-salamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh


Just practice Islam and that will, inshaa Allah, purify your intentions. A lot of the Sahaba (ra) converted because somebody else converted. A lot of people become good because they meet somebody good. The Sahaba (ra) changed because they were in the company of the Prophet (pbuh). Yet that does not mean that they did not do it with good intentions. Don't overcomplicate things by thinking about intentions and such.


Don't get me wrong the intention is important - obviously - but sometimes people get caught up thinking about intentions too much and they end up doing nothing at all.


One of the tricks of Satan is to get a person to think he is doing it for other than Allah. A lot of it is waswas.

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I posted this elsewhere, not realizing that the conversation was duplicated here. I'll repost my comment again to better facilitate communication:


Do you think you could give up on a relationship with this man and still move towards a more faithful lifestyle? From my religious days, I can recall advise like this, that you should place the hope of a relationship with this man in the hands of God, and seek him without expectation. Then if God sees fit, the man will return to you, otherwise God must have another plan for you. I hope this helps.

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wa alaykum as salaam sister


You realise that you need to get closer to Allah and you are disappointed that you are not practicing your faith so instead of feeling guilty for what you are not doing start to concentrate on practicing your faith. Maybe Allah caused you to meet this guy in order that you would become closer to Allah and realise that you needed to start practicing your faith.Start with doing your 5 daily prayers - they are a way to make you concentrate on Allah. I think you should read this article by Yasemin Mogahed - she writes really good articles about personal issues and how we should come closer to Allah. Personally I find her words connect with many things that espcially young Muslims may be experiencing. http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/09/05/looking-for-god/

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