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A Few Questions About Children And Christmas

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Assalam Alaikum

 

I reverted to Islam only 3 days ago, so I have lots of questions which are on my mind and worrying me. I'm sorry for asking so many things, but I they are important questions for me right now.

 

1) I have four children aged 15 to 10 (3 boys, 1 girl). Because I am muslim, are they muslims too, or must they accept Islam as I did?

 

2) Now that I am muslim, I don't think it is right to celebrate Christmas. But is it right that I should 'cancel' Christmas at such short notice for the kids? Would it be permissible to make the exception for them?

 

3) I have a 12 year old daughter. Should she wear the hijab from now on? Would that only apply if she already is/becomes a muslim? (i.e. Depending on Q.1)? If she is not considered muslim without becoming a muslim, should she ideally wear the hijab anyway?

 

4) What would you say are the most immediate things I need to do for the kids? (e.g. them not eating pork, etc?)

 

Thankyou

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Wa alaikum assalam dear sister

 

Welcome to the forum and , most importantly, a very warm welcome to Islam.

Now to your questions..

 

 

1) I have four children aged 15 to 10 (3 boys, 1 girl). Because I am muslim, are they muslims too, or must they accept Islam as I did?

They are Muslims only when they say the shahada, just like you did sister. They must willingly accept Islam, so don't push them, but rather educate them, and inroduce Islam to the beauty of Islam gradually, until they reach a point where they want to revert.

 

2) Now that I am muslim, I don't think it is right to celebrate Christmas. But is it right that I should 'cancel' Christmas at such short notice for the kids? Would it be permissible to make the exception for them?

Its not right to celebrate christmasm but that doesn't mean you deprive them of the joyous moments. You can buy them souvenirs, preferably not religious related, such as toys, perfumes or books, and spend a quality night the way you see fit. No harm in that any day of the year.

 

 

3) I have a 12 year old daughter. Should she wear the hijab from now on? Would that only apply if she already is/becomes a muslim? (i.e. Depending on Q.1)? If she is not considered muslim without becoming a muslim, should she ideally wear the hijab anyway?

The hijab, just like reverting, should be her own choice. Your duty is only to advise and educate her, then leave her decide for herself. If you force her, she will probably hate it and take it off later.

Even in Christianity, women should cover their hair and wear in modesty.

 

 

4) What would you say are the most immediate things I need to do for the kids? (e.g. them not eating pork, etc?)

Pork is not good for their health. In fact, every type of food forbidden in Islam is actually harmful to our health. Things that you should remove from your shopping list include pork and any pig's products, alcoholics and beer, and preferably meat and chicken that are slaughtered (buy from Muslim of Jewish butchers).

 

You should also try to keep them away from making girlfriend/boyfriend relations. In Islam, relations outside marriage are not allowed. You're lucky they are still young. You have a long road ahead, so no need to rush everything now. It takes time, and with love a understating, insha'Allah they will get there.

 

Hopefully you find those answers helpful to you. Please feel free to ask any other questions. We'll all be more than happy to assist you the best we can.

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Wa 'alaikumu as-salamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

 

Brother dot gave good answers.

 

I would like to add that the immediate thing you need to do for the kids is to show them that you are still their mother and love them but at the same time call them to Islam with wisdom and love. Explain your reversion to them and that it will cause some changes in your family's rules, i.e. not celebrating Christmas, but that you are still their mother who loves them. Don't be harsh but be firm, and by firm I mean don't lose your authority as a mother. You could give gifts for your children before or after Christmas.

 

We really don't know what your family is like, i.e. what kind of tempers you have got etc. You know yourself and your children best, therefore, analyze the situation and make the best of it.

 

May Allah make it easy for you. Congratulations on becoming a Muslimah! May Allah bless you and your family!

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Wa alaikum assalam! Congrats on your shahada sister! :) I'm a convert as well. If you ever need ANYTHING, please let me know!

 

 

1) As previously answered, they must accept Islam themselves. Don't push it, just allow them to see how much happier, calmer, and peaceful you are now. They will learn inshallah. You must prove the difference is better :)

 

2) i personally would allow the kids to celebrate Christmas. Don't ruin their lives now, maybe a year from now they will understand why celebrating Christmas is unneccesary.

 

3) No, she doesn't need to wear hijab if she is not Muslim. It is modest though, so that is obviously preferred, Muslim or not. Don't force her, hijab is a hard thing for adult converts to adopt (I know this), so it will be even harder for kids.

 

4) Removing pork from what you cook at home would be easy. Even if you switch to turkey bacon or turkey pepperonis, that will make the transition easier.

Edited by Amna4
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Assalamualaikum,

Congratulations, Sister! I am happy for you for reverting back to Islam :)

Those two Brothers above me have answered very well. I just wanna add a bit more ;)

1.Actually all children are born as muslim, but it is their parents who teach them to embrace different religion. In your case, I think if there were any of your children who hadn't reached adulthood yet, you could choose a religion for them and educate them to be muslim. Of course you must make them say shahada first. But if any of them had reached adulthood, then it was their own choice to embrace Islam or not. There is no compulsion in embracing Islam, but I highly suggest you to keep calling them to Islam in a nice and wise way

2.As the two Brothers have explained above, it is not right to celebrate Christmas. But to prevent dissappointed kids, I suggest you still give them gifts but not at Christmast day so your children don't associate your gifts with Christmas. I think the best way to do it is giving the gifts to your children before Christmast and say to them that since you are muslim now, they no longer need to wait for Christmast to receive gifts. I hope it works ;)

3.For muslim, it is obligatory to wear hijab because Quran has mentioned it. But if your girl had reached adulthood, she had her own choice about religion. If she chose Islam, she should start to wear hijab soon. But don't force her, educate her in a nice way like Brother dot suggested. If she chose not to embrace Islam yet, you could suggest her to wear modest clothes from now on, i.e. covered at least from neck to knee. It can make her easier to wear hijab later, also it can save her from any inappropriate actions from lustful boys around her

4.Brother dot and Younes have mentioned a lot of useful tips. I also suggest you to take off Christianity's symbol in your house like cross if there is any. You can also start to introduce your kids to Islam. There are many Islamic series made for kids. I know some series made by Harun Yahya and they are really good, for example this:

 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/9756426373/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_awd_9Wk0qb0AFY4X5

 

If you had kindle, you could download some Harun Yahya's ebook for free, for example this :

 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004K6MNQO/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_awd_O5k0qb1RMD7Y2

 

I hope they will be at least interested in Islam after that. Good luck, Sister, and don't hesitate to ask about anything here :)

Wassalam

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Wa 'alaikumu as-Salam Sister.

 

 

Congratulations! May Allah ( Subhanahu wa ta'ala ) accept you and grant you Jannah.

 

 

 

And many good answers have been posted here by the brothers and sisters. I think this might help you.

 

http://www.gawaher.c...-revert-muslim/

Edited by Saracen21stC

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I did discuss the Christmas issue with the kids, but from their perspective it's non-negotiable. My two eldest kids said some extremely nasty things to me, which is out of character, but in all fairness to them I didn't expect them just to accept a complete reversal of everything they are used to.

 

Up until now they haven't been bothered by Islam, as I have been talking about things with them for more than half a year, and they were not particularly unfavourable to what we spoke about. But I think I've realised something really important now. The kids are OK with me being a Muslim and doing as I choose, but it seems they are opposed to me interfering with their lives according to my beliefs. In other words, if it doesn't effect them then they don't mind, but if it does effect them then they do mind.

 

My eldest two insisted that Christmas would be as normal. We've never celebrated Christmas religiously though and that is not what Christmas is about for them. They see it as a happy family time, with a tree, decorations, turkey, presents etc. I don't personally blame them for feeling angry about it. I really do see what they are saying.

 

My eldest son shocked me by saying that he wasn't going to tolerate being dictated to - and by that he didn't just mean about Christmas - but other things too. He said that he would 'eat what he likes, when he likes' and other similar things. The two eldest have essentially given me an ultimatum the Christmas issue and I can tell from how seriously angry they were that they mean what they say. Normally I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behaviour, but I have to be as sensitive as I can be right now.

 

So I am in a really awkward place. What do I do?

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As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

 

I think you can have a happy family time without the things that are peculiar to Christmas on another, normal day. You can give the kids presents and spend time with them.

 

I think you must tread carefully and not lose your parental authority. If kids rebel, there might worse things in store. When children start running the show, it is hard for a parent to gain his or her authority back.

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As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

 

I think you can have a happy family time without the things that are peculiar to Christmas on another, normal day. You can give the kids presents and spend time with them.

 

I think you must tread carefully and not lose your parental authority. If kids rebel, there might worse things in store. When children start running the show, it is hard for a parent to gain his or her authority back.

 

That's the thing; that's not going to happen with them. It's been made perfectly clear to me.

 

My eldest even said that if that's the way things are going to be in future, then he isn't going to live with me any more. He said he would ask my parents to move in with them (they do not support my conversion at all). So for them there is no question that there will not be a normal Christmas on Christmas Day.

 

I don't allow them to "run the show" as you put it, but this is not normal parenting. This is the equivalent of a Muslim being told they cannot have Eid, despite growing up with it and it being part of normality for them. Theoretically, if a Muslim converted to Christianity, how could they expect their Muslim children just to ignore Eid? I think you could imagine the tensions that would cause - the same as is happening for me.

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Assalamualaikum,

It is sad to read rejections from your kids, moreover they have said something nasty to you. If they are in my society, I can't imagine what befall upon them. Parents in my society are really stritch :(

Your patience is not wrong, but you must know when it is to be firm to them. You do have authority over them. Like Brother said above, it's hard to get authority back if you lose them once. There is a limit to what kids can do to you and what not.So, I suggest you to do these things:

1. Remind them that you are still their mother regardless of your religion and they can't say something nasty to you nor being impolite in front of you. This is important. Kids must be taught how to behave in front of their parents, whatever their religion are, or they will keep their misleading behaviours forever. If they reject it, you can punish them but not by force, something like reducing their allowance, limitating their time to play outside, taking their cellphone away until they apologize, or anything that you see fit and your kids can't live without. That will "force" them to respect you as their mother.

2. About the christmast, you can offer them win-win solution by having a family time like usual but with a tiny bit differences since you have been a muslim now. Cook turkey like usual (make sure it is halal), give presents like usual and have a good time like usual. The only missing things are christmast decorations, christianity-related discussion, and the time to do that. Say to them that you can't do that on christmast eve but a day before or after it. You can also decorate your house but not with tree or other christianity's symbols. Use common decorations and involved the kids to choose the best non-christianity decorations for your house. Explain to your kids that difference exists everywhere and they can't live in this world without respecting another different type of people. And what is the best place to start respecting different type of people if not in their own house and to their own mother?

Or if you had much more money, you could persuade them by giving them more valuable presents, like a trip to domestic/overseas beautiful destination or something that your kids have dreamed of for a long time, as long as they agreed on your term not to celebrate christmast.

3. About your eldest son, you can try to discuss it heart to heart with him, but don't let him threaten you. Keep making your shopping list free of alchohol, pork, or any haram things. If he disagreed, you could say to the him that these were the ones you could buy and ask him to buy "whatever he likes" outside with his own money/allowance. Not may kids have much money on their own,so it will make him eat halal food eventually since it is the only choice at home. If he said that he didn't want to live with you anymore, then you could try to persuade him to compromise without giving in to pork, christmast or any christianity's things. But if that doesn't work, you can't help it. Remember, Sister, that Allah means more than anything in this world. Celebrating christmast is haram and so are any christianity's things/tradition so you can't allow it in whatever circumstance. Maybe this is your test. If Allah's willing, He will make your kids back. Keep showering them with love

4. If matters got of out of hands, you could involve professional to help you, i.e. psychologist.Search for muslim psychologist. if there is any in your city. If there was none, you could go to any psychologists available. Make sure the psychologist doesn't have Islamophobia.Bring your kids as well

5.Go to nearest Masjid and talk to some sisters and imam for advice. Ask for prayer to imam and sisters there so your kids can accept Islam in your house.

6.Don't forget to pray to Allah as well and if you could perform salah already, you could do salah tahajjud and hajat. Both are only 2 rakaats and can help you in difficult situation. Recite Al-Fatihah directed to your kids (say "this is for (insert your kid's name) ibn (for boys)/ibnti (for girls) (insert your kid's father name")), for example : "this is for Raihanna ibnti Khalid" or "this is for Muhammad ibn Qasim". Insya Allah it will weaken their hearts. Recite Ayatul Qursyi (The Throne Verse) if you could. It will help you fastest than any verses. Don't forget to offer shalawat/salutation to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) before every prayer because there is no prayer that get to Allah without shalawat

7. I read that your youngest kid was not that angry. If that was true, you could try to educate him about Islam first and if he hadn't reached adulthood yet, you could make him to embrace Islam. You can continue this effort to any of your kids that has less resistance to Islam.

That is all from me. Maybe the others will also add their opinions later. I hope your problem can be solved soon. Choose the measure wisely based on your situation and capability. Ask more if you still have any difficulties and we will try to help you in any means that we can :)

Wassalam

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Assalamualaikum,

I have this sudden idea after writing my last post, so I will add it here.

You can send your kids to their grandparents' house in christmast so you don't have to deal with christmast preparation and your kids can still celebrate christmast. After christmast is over, they can go back to your house. You can give them presents but tell them it is not for christmast but because you love them as mother. That can be done in every christianity's celebration like esther, etc so it will end you and your kids' conflict.

And maybe you are not ready for separating with your kids yet, so give your kids freedom to attend their christianity's duties. But still don't give in haram things, for example food/drink. If your kids wanted pork/alcohol, said that they could buy it outside with their own allowance.

Treat them like usual and lead them to Islam slowly but sure. Show your kids your dedication to Islam and that you change to better person. Introduce them to Islam and show them the beauty and truth within Islam. Have you told your reason to convert to Islam? If not, you could tell them soon in simple language that could be understood by kids. If you have told them, you could discuss with them about it. Ask them why they did not want to embrace Islam and try to refute their reasons nicely.

I hope Allah will show you the easy way out :)

Wassalam

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I'm sorry Raihanna, maybe it is a difference of cultures and backgrounds, but I'm not sure I'm being totally understood.

 

My children are all young and I have responsibility for them. I have responsibility for them all until they are 18 and the eldest is only 15. They are still children, and as for alcohol, that is illegal here until the age of 18 (adulthood). I think you may perhaps think they are older than they actually are.

 

I may have my parental authority, but I do not have the right to dictate what they will change overnight because I say so. I'm not sure why that isn't coming across. I tried using the example of Eid to illustrate my problem.

 

Would you, for example, expect Muslim kids to abandon Eid because their parent said so? Exchange gifts, but not Eid gifts? Eat meat, but not halal meat? Celebrate on a day that wasn't Eid? And in doing that, upsetting them, making them angry, and effectively trying to dictate and force another religion on them? And also telling them they must go elsewhere other than home if they want to do any of those things?

 

I'm using that example to try my best to explain what my kids are feeling right now. I'm sure that every Muslim would say that for a parent to do that would be wrong, unreasonable and very hurtful. It's no different just because it's Christmas. Would any Muslim expect Muslim kids to obey their parent under those circumstances or just to except those things? I really can't believe that.

 

I can already see it's beginning to tear my family apart.

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As-salamu 'alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh

 

You are obviously in a uncomfortable situation. Honestly, I have thought about what to write to you and it is a bit hard due to the sensitivity of the issue...

 

I will just write a brief answer. Whatever you do in regards to this affair, you are still a Muslim sister to us. So in that regards, I hope you won't be estranged due to this thread.

 

I would like to remind that reverting to Islam will sometimes cause upset as it has done since the time of Noah (pbuh) until the Last Messenger, Muhammad (pbuh). That's the unfortunate reality.

 

May Allah bless you and make your affairs easy for you.

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Assalamualaikum,

I am sorry if I was being insensitive about your feelings or culture. I was just trying to help :(

But honestly speaking, you can't celebrate christmast, Sister, because it is haram. As muslim, you must love Allah more than anything. He is the one who gave you kids. So will you neglect Him for the sake of his creations?

Many reverts have got some challenges from their family who have different faith with them, including Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) companion who was the first to embrace Islam, Sa'ad ibn Abi Waqqas. Here is his story:

 

Sa'ad relates: “When my mother heard the

news of my Islam, she flew into a rage. She

came up to me and said: "O Sa'ad! What is

this religion that you have embraced which

has taken you away from the religion of

your mother and father...? By God , either

you forsake your new religion or I would

not eat or drink until I die. Your heart

would be broken with grief for me and

remorse would consume you on account of

the deed, you have done and people would

censure you forever more.' 'Don't do (such

a thing), my mother,' I said, 'for I would not

give up my religion for anything.' However,

she went on with her threat... For days she

neither ate nor drank. She became

emaciated and weak."

"Hour after hour, I went to her asking

whether I should bring her some food or

something to drink but she persistently

refused, insisting that she would neither eat

nor drink until she died or I abandoned my

religion. I said to her, 'Yaa Ummaah! In

spite of my strong love for you, my love for

Allah and His Messenger is indeed stronger.

By Allah, if you had a thousand souls and

each one depart one after another, I would

not abandon this religion for anything.'

When she saw that I was determined she

relented unwillingly and ate and

drank.

 

As I said above, this is a test you must face as muslim. I really want you to be able to pass it without giving in to christianity, so I provided you many choices of actions.

But if any of them were not helping, I could do no more. So as my suggestion above, you can go to phychologist or Imam nearest to you for advice. Or perhaps there will be another member who can give you a better solution.

I hope your problem will be solved soon. Peace :)

Wassalam

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Kids are Kids!! No need to force them. Allow them to celebrate Christmas.

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I wasn't criticising you personally Raihanna, but it would be impossible to expect muslim children to give up Eid, just the same way as my kids are expected to give up Christmas. It just doesn't work like that.

 

I thought that Islam was more flexible than this. There is no compulsion in religion, yet my kids are effectively denied Christmas because of my beliefs? They are expected to do lots of things Muslims do when they aren't Muslim? That suggests to me that there is compulsion in the religion even upon those who are not believers. That doesn't make sense.

 

It's totally unreasonable to deny kids Christmas, as it is to force them to eat halal, and so on (and especially as they are not Muslims) That doesn't inspire any sense of love and compassion, or understanding. If anything, doing those things would make the kids hate Islam. I can already see it in their eyes and faces. How does that encourage them to be Muslims? You can't force children to do things against their wishes, especially when those things are literally changing their entire lives and worlds overnight. It's like taking the rug out from under their feet. I thought that Islam would be more compromising in these circumstances. It's a huge change to be a revert to Islam, but it's an even bigger change to a child whose parent(s) become Muslim. I'm just surprised that's not really understood.

 

But I cannot choose religion over my children. No mother worthy of being a mother would do such a thing in my opinion. Therefore, with regret, I'm just going to have to leave it there. I am not going to force them into anything, and I do not have the right to dictate these things to them either. I thought that things would be more compromising than this. I must put the kids first. I cannot do this to them.

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Well, I don't understand why this Christmas issue is getting worse. They are still very young. Even if they were adults, they are non-Muslims. We can not force them to avoid celebrating Christmas as they are not harming us.

 

 

[at]New Muslimah,

 

Sister. You do not worry. Go on with your normal life. No need to make drastic changes. Just feed them correct info on Islam when necessary as Islam is one of the most misunderstood religion in the West.

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Your kids have the right to celebrate Christmas, no problem there.

As a new revert of a few days, this is a trivial issue. Give them Christmas. It doesn't affect your Islam that much. You have more important things to focus on regarding your new religion at this stage. For example: did you learn how to make ablution and how to pray? did you memorize Al-Fatiha and a few other verses from the Quran to say in your 5 daily prayers?

 

You have all the time ahead. Don't rush things. To help your kids become Muslims, you must first strengthen your belief and become a full practicing Muslima. The more practicing, and the more educated you become in regards to Islam, the easier it would be for you to help them. In the mean time, do not make drastic changes in your kids' lifestyle so soon.

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Assalamualaikum,

Sorry, Brothers, I have different views with you in this matter.

To Sister New Muslimah, yes, there is no compulsion in religion, but doesn't mean you can support haram things, Sister. As mother, you are your kids' example. Christmast and forbidden food in Islam (pork, blood, etc) are haram, but if you as a muslim prepared and celebrated christmast also still provided them with nonhalal food, then your kids would get impression that celebrating christmast and eating haram food could be done by muslim to tolerate others. Even if they became muslim, they could still celebrate christmast and eat nonhalal food because they though, "my mother did this before."

There is a compromise in Islam, but only in very special situation like life and death situation. For example you are so hungry to the point of dying and only there is haram food around, so you are allowed to eat that food. But I see your condition is not that severe.

Your kids wouldn't hate Islam Insya Allah if you told them in a nice way. If they were angry, maybe it was just temporarily. They are kids afterall. You can make up with them later. Islam is tolerant, but doesn't mean we can sacrifice our faith to please others.

In your example case about nonmuslim parents and muslim kids, in my society, usually parents will influence their kids to follow their faith and mostly the kids will follow their parents' faith because they look up so much to their parents.

Providing halal food is not forcing your kids to live the same life as you, but to give example to them that this is a muslim's life and teach them what is the right thing to do. As I mentioned above, you could give them freedom to do christianity teachings and buy whatever food they want outside.

I understand how hard is this situation to you. As mother, I can't imagine how you love your kids. But don't let your love for others bigger than your love for Allah.

I am so sorry if I had offended you in any way, but I must say to you what is true according to Islam. I don't want to fight with you nor force you into this. My duty is just telling you about this so Allah won't take this into my account in hereafter. The choice is fully in your hands.

By the way, I found an almost similiar experience here about a convert muslimah with kids:

 

www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-want-to-convert-to-Islam-but-i-dont-know-where-to-start-with-my-kids/

 

Perhaps you can take it as reference.

I hope Allah will guide you :)

Wassalam

 

 

 

"But if they try to make you associate

something with Me about which you have

no knowledge, do not obey them. Keep

company with them correctly and

courteously in this world, but follow the

way of him who turns to Me. Then you

will return to Me, and I will inform you

about the things you did." (Surah Luqman:

15)

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She just needs to tell the kids that she does not believe in Christmas, and according to Islam it is forbidden. But if the non-Muslims want to celebrate, It' up to them. Islam does not ask us to ban non-Muslims from celebrating Christmas. So, she is not celebrating Christmas rather just sharing joyous moment which can be done at any other day of the month/year. I mean she needs to briefly clarify Islam's position on Christmas (or haram foods).

 

Later on, you can explain in details why you do not celebrate Christmas such as by bringing it's origin issue. But now you should focus more on things like prayers, reading and understanding Qur'an, theology, etc.

Edited by Saracen21stC

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Welcome sister (New Muslimah) for embracing Islam; I am really happy for you.

 

Insofar, as the Christmas is concerned, I would suggest celebrating the same as before and keeping everything normal for the kids. Take is Islam step by step and don’t apply everything at once if you do that it’s like put all eggs in one basket.

 

Turning for the kinds, I guess the best thing to learn about Islam is by having Muslim friends, and for that reason you may need to make friendship with Muslim families who have kinds.

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I am appreciative for all your replies, but I'm afraid things just won't work out for me.

 

I'm not going to force my children into anything or upset them. They are old enough to object to what they disagree with. I have no right to force them to eat halal, any more than someone has the right to force a Muslim child to eat something which isn't halal. It's just absolutely wrong to do that. And it's just not acceptable to say that if they want the alternative they'll have to pay for it! Above all, I've found the double standards really shocking. I never expected that. For the sake of my family, I cannot be Muslim any longer. So I will have to say goodbye.

Edited by New Muslimah

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I am appreciative for all your replies, but I'm afraid things just won't work out for me.

 

I'm not going to force my children into anything or upset them. They are old enough to object to what they disagree with. I have no right to force them to eat halal, any more than someone has the right to force a Muslim child to eat something which isn't halal. It's just absolutely wrong to do that. And it's just not acceptable to say that if they want the alternative they'll have to pay for it! Above all, I've found the double standards really shocking. I never expected that. For the sake of my family, I cannot be Muslim any longer. So I will have to say goodbye.

 

I think you are taking one posters' comments very seriously here. As it has been confirmed by many others earlier, there is no law in Islam to ban them from celebrating Christmas and/or eating non-halal stuffs. They are non-Muslims, so it's their life. As long as they do not harm us, there is no reason for us to force them.

 

Also, there is no law in Islam which says that they should pay their own mother for alternative food. This is not a Family vs Religion conflict situation as the religion does not ask you to force non-Muslims to practise Islam

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as salaam alaykum

 

I think everyone gave sufficient answers. The christmas issue shouldn't be the issue here as you said your family celebrated it culturally rather than religiously.

 

I think the problem is that you are unsure what path your children are to take now that you are Muslim. I just wanted to point out a few things.

 

The duty of a parent is to guide their children and teach them what is right or wrong. I presume that when you chose Islam that you believed it was the right way so why wouldn't you want your children to follow the right way? No one is saying forcing your children to do things they don't want because when everyone reaches adulthood they make their own decisions just like you did.

 

My eldest son shocked me by saying that he wasn't going to tolerate being dictated to - and by that he didn't just mean about Christmas - but other things too. He said that he would 'eat what he likes, when he likes' and other similar things. The two eldest have essentially given me an ultimatum the Christmas issue and I can tell from how seriously angry they were that they mean what they say. Normally I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behaviour, but I have to be as sensitive as I can be right now.

Well it seems like it is your son dictating to you. He said he would eat whatever he likes when he likes. This is not just an issue about pork. If your child wanted to eat chocolate and sweets all the time would you allow that? Most parents wouldn't because it wouldn't be healthy. Even when I was young I didn't like to eat vegetables but my parents knew better than me and told me I had to because they are healthy. The fact is children need to be put within boundaries and learn what the word respect is. In a home there needs to be one leader to guide the family and it shouldn't be the children.Pork is not considered healthy and if you believe that then you wouldn't want your child to eat it. It is not the end of the world because there are plenty of alternative meat sources. I wouldn't approach it by saying in Islam people don't eat pork so you won't either. I would say explain the health effects of pork and let your children know that for these reasons you won't be buying pork anymore. Yes maybe at other peoples homes they can eat pork but you are the one in control of your home not others.

 

And your approach to this is completely wrong. You think that you are forcing your children into new things but you are not. You are just educating them on what is right. There is no compulsion in religion - truth has been made clear from error.

 

The same is for your question about your daughter and hijab. All you need to do is educate her about being modest and when she becomes older she will choose the path she wants to take.

 

I am a convert to Islam too so I understand that things become difficult - I don't have any children myself so your situation is obviously more difficult than mine. However think of the reasons why you chose Islam in the first place. Don't let such trivial issues such as celebrating christmas be the reason you leave Islam. If I have children I want them to be Muslim, I want to raise them with an understanding of Islam because I believe that is the right path but I know that when they reach adulthood like us all they will be tested. Your children are no different from us all - they will also come to a point in time where they will think about what life is and what they wana believe in but at least you can provide them with a foundation for a good and balanced life for now.

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For the sake of my family, I cannot be Muslim any longer. So I will have to say goodbye.

 

Wow! how easy do you change religions sister!!!!!

Are you sure before revering to Islam that you "have been reading about it for the past 9 months" ?

What kind of literature have you been reading exactly?

A true Muslim never leaves Islam because of a one-night celebration. In fact, if you have learned enough about your new religion, you would never have wanted to waive it goodbye.

 

Its not which dress goes with what shoe for the night we're discussing here. Its your complete way of life that's at stake now.

Re-think your priorities sister. If you love your children, first strengthen your faith, then take their hand to the correct road. If you go astray, what good can you lead them to?

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