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Is A Long Distance Relationship Acceptable In Islam?

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#1 male



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Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:34 PM

My girlfriend and I have been "dating," so to say, for over 6 months now. She lives in New Hampshire and I live in Indiana which a good amount of distance, so I'm quite sure that there won't be any actual contact until our parents approve of it. Her mother continuously yells at her that it is unacceptable in the Islamic faith to have any form of contact with a guy. I've done a little bit of research and everywhere I look, I see that it's only not acceptable for a guy and a girl to be together alone in an area where sexual contact is possible. We both have already agreed that, if this relationship were to continue and we were able to actually somehow be together, we would wait until marriage for anything of the sort.

I personally don't see any wrongdoing if there is no possibility of any sexual encounter. Truthfully, I don't even see how the relationship could go anywhere past best friends who just say "I love you" and "I miss you" over and over again. Perhaps I'm wrong, but that's why I'm asking the world :)

Her mother has tried several times to cut the contact but we couldn't even go 24 hours without talking to each other. My mother on the other hand, says that she's okay with the bond that's grown between my girl and I, but she doesn't approve the hiding and lying of my girl to her mother. I understand that though, how lying and hiding are basically the same and how lying is not permitted in the faith. I was hoping that, if I could get enough research and information, I could convince my girlfriend to show her mother that it is, in fact, okay that we talk almost 24/7 as long as there's no actual contact without someone to keep an eye on us.

So any and all help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you very much! :)

#2 Younes


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Posted 24 February 2013 - 07:07 PM

As-salamu 'alaikum


What you are doing is not appropriate. The basic rule is that you cannot talk behind closed doors, but it does not mean that everything else goes. The girl's parents must be made aware and they must approve. Obviously they do not in this case.

#3 muzur



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Posted 23 March 2013 - 08:57 PM

Salam Alaykum,


Is there any obstacles to get married in the near future for you two? Why do you keep waiting if you guys love each other that much? Get married bro! Go and ask her father for her hand and be fiances at least until you guys get married. I used to date with the guy who is my husband now, but if it was in our hands, we would marry too much earlier than we did exactly. So don't waste your time and solve the problems on your way and be halal each other inshallah so soon. :)

#4 dot


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Posted 24 March 2013 - 09:14 AM


Sorry to disappoint you brother, but there is nothing you can convince her mother with, because she is right. Talking with your girl could arouse feelings of intimacy, and that is haram. She is foreign to you and, as sister muzur suggested, unless you marry her, you should stop all those distant talks.


That said, how can you decide to marry someone you met only over the phone or internet? You should first meet several times within your families, to make sure that you both match each other in terms of character, habits etc. The looks also is important. Its wrong to marry someone you knew only over chatting.

#5 adam27


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Posted 25 March 2013 - 11:33 AM

"I've done a little bit of research and everywhere I look, I see that it's only not acceptable for a guy and a girl to be together alone in an area where sexual contact is possible."


One thing you have to understand is that a woman's voice is also dangerous and can play havoc in the heart of a man. if her voice is attractive can serve as a prelude to an evil action. 


In the eyes of Islamic law not only physical union between you and her is considered adultery, but every such inclination and desire towards each of you outside marriage is equivalent to adultery. thus every lustful desire when seeing women, talking to them and visiting them is adultery for these are preliminary steps toward it and if men are given the opportunity, the actual act of adultery is likely to occur. 


The law can not have any jurisdiction over desire, for it is hidden in the heart, but it can be detected by the conscience. 


The Holy Prophet (SAW) said: "Eyes commit adultery and their adultery is evil looks. Hands commit adultery and their adultery is violence, feet commit adultery and their adultery is moving towards sin. The adultery of the tongue is lustful talk, the adultery of the heart is evil desires and in the end the sexual organs confirm all this (by their action)." 


"If you fear Allah, do not talk in a soft voice, lest the man of unhealthy heart should cherish false hopes from you; if you have to speak (to other men), speak in an unaffected way." 


So, we must have a purpose to be preventive in other to create a social environment which is totally unfeavourable for the growth of evil desires and emotional disturbances.