Jump to content
Islamic Forum

Question Regarding Marriage Without Parents Consent

Recommended Posts

Asalmualaikum to all my brothers and sisters.


I hope everyone is doing well in sha Allah. 


I have a question which is related to marriage and its conditions regarding having a nikah without the parents consent.


I wish to get married to this girl who is my age (21) however we are both different culture.


We are both practicing Muslims and we do not let culture interfere with our decision into getting married.


The problem we are facing is very complex.  I will be open to everyone and say that i knew this girl for more than 3 years now and i was young so i was not aware of marriage or anything of that sort. WE have waited to get married so we do not commit zinna or anything of that type however Allah knows best. 


We are both from different culture backgrounds and both have very strict cultural parents. My "soon to be wife" is afraid to ask her parents for marriage as she is afraid they will disown her and also kick her out of the house for even asking to get married to someone of my background.  This has happened already with her family, as her sister got disowned and so her brother for somewhat similar reasons. 


I have researched and even asked several imams regarding this issue but every imam is giving me a different answer. 


I would like to know, if it is possible to get married without the parents consent taking the fact of our situation that we are in. I do not want her to get kicked out or disowned just because of my ethnicity. 

We both come from religious family but like the older generation, they tend to mix culture with religion.


Is there any solid verses from the quran or hadith that can show any evidence that i can marry without parents consent but of course having two witnesses?


i have seen quotes such as 


“There is no marriage except with a walee” and “Any woman who gets married without the knowledge of her walee, her marriage is invalid.” 


But i also get mix of answers that some say its valid and some say its invalid. I even asked imams from the largest Masjid in my city and they seemed displeased with what i wish to do however when i asked for reasons, they mainly came up with there own bias opinion on how my parents might feel etc. 


i need some solid advice on this situation, as neither me or her wish to commit any more sins and just want to settle down.




Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello Ninja,


Well. An answer from a non-beleiver... 


I dont think you will find acceptance in your religion.


Therefore, to maintain your faith and your conscience; you will need to discuss the issues with her parents. Hopefully, together, you can convince them to judge you on your merits and not your ancestry. If it does not work, and you cannot find comfort within your faith to marry without permission, you will have a hard decision to make... 


If you are looking for scripture that will give you absolute permission; you will not find it.


It's time to search for the courage and conviction rather than acceptance. 


All the best! 



Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you should take into account the fact that if her parents found out she got married without consent they will still most likely disown her. In fact, it might be more likely to happen in this instance. It is better for her to talk to her parent first, and take the chance, rather than go into something with an almost guarantee of disownment.


May Allah guid you, and you will be in my prayers.

  • Like 1

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

As-salamu 'alaikum


The Hanafi school of jurisprudence considers a marriage valid even if the girl's parents did not approve. The rest three schools, namely Maliki, Shafi'i, Hanbali, do not consider it valid. Both have looked the evidence, i.e. the Qur'an and the Hadiths. The differences arise due to a different fiqh methodology. Now you know why you might get different answers.


Here is a link on the Hanafi position: http://spa.qibla.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=13657&CATE=10


My advice would be for the girl at least to try to tell her parents. How are you going to live anyway? Are you going to live in secret together?

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

the typical answer in my country in Islamic country (to my knowledge) if the parents are forcing their will without justification against the girl then the right thing is to complain to the court which will appoint another wali not her father but this is of course not your judgment but the court!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites


Sooner or later they will kick out your potential spouse. I mean they will eventually know about this secret marriage and you. My suggestion is that face the potential storm now. It can get only worse later on if they find out about this secret marriage.


BTW, does she have a guardian who does not have this backward mentality? Try to make an approach through this friendly guardian by first talking to him/her. And/or try to make an Imam contact her parents. 

​And a personal question. Do you have financial backings brother? I mean do you earn? Can you provide for her?

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for everyones reply,


It is a difficult decision. I am looking at it in a way that We want to get married so we do not commit zina. I know i should not just base my decision from that, but i also feel guilt for being in a private room with the girl even though we keep to our self, it just makes sense to do a nikah however at the same time, i feel regret if i never tell my parents. Her parents would inevitably kick her out.  


We both are studying at university and also working, but i do not feel as though i am ready to go through this even though something in the back of my head telling me to do it.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now