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Asalamualikum brothers and sisters,,

 

I am new to this forum and would like to ask a question which I have been researching but can't find a conclusive answer to, I am hoping someone here can help me understand or clarify my query.

I am recently engaged and Insha'Allah will be married soon, I was talking to my fiancé on the telephone and we started discussing the authority of a husband over his wife which includes who can and can not enter the home.

 

I understand the concept and the wisdom behind the authority of the husband. As he is accountable for his household and will have to answer for it, he is given that authority.

 

But my question is, my fiancé doesn't approve of many of my friends. He doesn't approve that they are non-practicing Muslims and is worried that it MAY influence me one day in the future or that it MAY influence our future children. So he is telling me that if my friends do not change by the time we get married, I will have to seize my relationship with them. This upsets me as all of my friends have been with me since childhood, so for over 20 years we have had a strong friendship and I do not understand why he is asking this of me.

 

Is he able to give this verdict? I mean, they may not be practicing Muslims but I am, and in the 20+ years we've been friends, they have done nothing but respect and support my decision to practice..Can he really ask this of me? I mean, he has friends that are very bad influences on him and he has, as a result of his friends, made terrible mistakes which I have forgiven. But when I ask him to at the very least distance himself (as in, not hang out alone with his bad influential friends rather socialise with them in a group) he gets angry and tells me I have no right to ask or expect this of him.

 

Can I ask him to stop associating himself with his friends whom have proven themselves to be a bad influence? What rights do I have in this specific regard over my husband according to Islam and the Hadith of the Prophet (sws) ?

 

Please help.

 

Thank you in advance May Allah bless you All.

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PropellerAds

Asalamualikum brothers and sisters,,

 

I am new to this forum and would like to ask a question which I have been researching but can't find a conclusive answer to, I am hoping someone here can help me understand or clarify my query.

I am recently engaged and Insha'Allah will be married soon, I was talking to my fiancé on the telephone and we started discussing the authority of a husband over his wife which includes who can and can not enter the home.

 

I understand the concept and the wisdom behind the authority of the husband. As he is accountable for his household and will have to answer for it, he is given that authority.

 

But my question is, my fiancé doesn't approve of many of my friends. He doesn't approve that they are non-practicing Muslims and is worried that it MAY influence me one day in the future or that it MAY influence our future children. So he is telling me that if my friends do not change by the time we get married, I will have to seize my relationship with them. This upsets me as all of my friends have been with me since childhood, so for over 20 years we have had a strong friendship and I do not understand why he is asking this of me.

 

Is he able to give this verdict? I mean, they may not be practicing Muslims but I am, and in the 20+ years we've been friends, they have done nothing but respect and support my decision to practice..Can he really ask this of me? I mean, he has friends that are very bad influences on him and he has, as a result of his friends, made terrible mistakes which I have forgiven. But when I ask him to at the very least distance himself (as in, not hang out alone with his bad influential friends rather socialise with them in a group) he gets angry and tells me I have no right to ask or expect this of him.

 

Can I ask him to stop associating himself with his friends whom have proven themselves to be a bad influence? What rights do I have in this specific regard over my husband according to Islam and the Hadith of the Prophet (sws) ?

 

Please help.

 

Thank you in advance May Allah bless you All.

AS Sister.

You may find your answer by searching in here:

 

http://islamqa.info/en/cat/356

 

 

I can say that when I married I too was in a similar position- worrying who would come and go but basically, as long as your deen is firm and you can also use your knowledge to help your friends to better understand Islam- then I see no issue (Allah knows best).

 

May Allah make your path easy.

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:sl:

I don't think this marriage is going to work. He needs a more pious wife. One who didn't hang out with non-practicing Muslimas for 20 years. And you need a more pious husband who hangs out only with pious friends, and help you in your deen.

 

Marriage aside sister, you need to change. If your friends stayed non-practicing for 20 years, then they're not worthy of your friendship. It's hard to find any Muslim man who would agree to marry someone who hangs out with non-practicing friends. Unless, you marry a non-practicing Muslim, which, in addition to your non-practicing friends, would be a total disaster for all parties. Your choice.

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Steady on Dot.

Did you not read the part from OP:

 

they have done nothing but respect and support my decision to practice

 

The friends may not practice but they respect her and support.

Even NON MUSLIMS who do not fight you or cause mischief against you etc.. we are told it is okay to be friendly with them (not awliya of course, but on friendly terms).

 

Using your logic, would you also distance yourself from your own blood brother/sisters cos they did not practice?

Then you break ties- which Islam forbids...need a middle path.

Edited by The Doc
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Steady on Dot.

Did you not read the part from OP:

 

The friends may not practice but they respect her and support.

Even NON MUSLIMS who do not fight you or cause mischief against you etc.. we are told it is okay to be friendly with them (not awliya of course, but on friendly terms).

 

Using your logic, would you also distance yourself from your own blood brother/sisters cos they did not practice?

Then you break ties- which Islam forbids...need a middle path.

 

I totally agree with this. Having non-practising friends does not mean you have to hang with them in crazy parties or drink. Everything has a time to be happened, and this is Allah who decides when a person will be enlightened. You can't just leave them and go. If you do this, who is gonna help them?

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:sl:

I don't think this marriage is going to work. He needs a more pious wife. One who didn't hang out with non-practicing Muslimas for 20 years. And you need a more pious husband who hangs out only with pious friends, and help you in your deen.

 

Marriage aside sister, you need to change. If your friends stayed non-practicing for 20 years, then they're not worthy of your friendship. It's hard to find any Muslim man who would agree to marry someone who hangs out with non-practicing friends. Unless, you marry a non-practicing Muslim, which, in addition to your non-practicing friends, would be a total disaster for all parties. Your choice.

I'm sorry you feel this way Dot, but in my defence;

Allah (s.w.t) says in the Qur'an;

[49:13] O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other). Verily the most honored of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things).

[[surah Al-Hujurat]]

Allah (s.w.t) also says:

[60:8] Allah forbids you not, respecting those who have not fought against you on account of your religion, and who have not driven you forth from your homes, that you be kind to them and act equitably towards them; surely Allah loves those who are equitable.

 

As long as they have done nothing to harm you, hinder your faith or attack Islam, then it’s perfectly fine to have non-practicing or non-muslim friends. In fact, if anything, through your experiences with friends, they can help you better yourself and your faith, whether they believe or not. Besides, Islam is not some kind of exclusive club – it’s for everyone. If "practicing" Muslims ONLY ever socialised with other "practicing" Muslims, failed to integrate within society and isolated themselves then not only do you deny the Surah Al-Hujurat but also you would be contributing to the act of feeding and supporting negative stereotypical ideas (as portrayed in today's media).

 

Not to mention, merely claiming to be a Muslim, doesn’t guarantee you a free ride to paradise, nor can you guarantee that non-practicing Muslim will be heading directly to Hell fire. Think of the Hadith about the prostitute; on her way home from her "un-Islamic" lifestyle, she noticed a dog on the verge of death due to severe thirst, feeling mercy for the animal, she gave it water using her shoe as a chalice, for this simple act of kindness, Allah (s.w.t) forgave her.

 

Practicing or not, a Muslim is still your brother/sister, better than a kaafir. A non-practicing Muslim still believes in Allah, His messenger (s.a.w) and in the holy Quran. Allah will get angry WITH YOU if you belie Allah (s.w.t) and His Messenger (s.a.w). For when you look "down" upon a Muslim, you will be accountable for whatever you manifest, it could be your "contempt" or "disapproval" of the lifestyle of that said Muslim which inevitably can condemn you to Hell fire. With faith comes responsibilities that must be fulfilled and actions that must be performed. As for a Muslim who believes in the basics of Tawheed (Oneness of Allah) and Islam, but commits major sins and abhorrent actions, they are still undoubtedly better than a kaafir and atheist - despite their shortcomings - because the good deed of Tawheed is the best of all good deeds, and they have done that. Insha'Allah, Allah bestows mercy upon them and forgives their sins.

 

But I still thank you for your thought and opinions, may Allah (s.w.t) guide you and reward you.

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:sl:

Sister, I didn't ask you to turn your friends into your enemies. Of course you can keep their friendship, as in saying salams, treating them nicely and with gratuity and all, but not as close friends to hang out and invite to your home. Its been 20 years, what else can you do to convince them to practice Islam?

Inviting them to your home could affect your deen. For example, you're watching a movie, then its time for adhan, it could be tempting not to leave their cozy company and go do your salah on your own, and consequently they may indirectly cause you to delay your salah.

While, if your friends are practicing, even if you begged them to wait until you watch what will happen next in the movie, they will drag you to pray at time. That's how pious sisters do to each other. They would always be good reminders. They would suggest that you go with them to that Islamic lecture, event, seminar, dars, course, khutba, etc. Non-practicing Muslims wouldn't do that.

That is what I meant by friends who help you in your deen. No one is asking you to declare war or run over your friends with your car or anything. Keep the kind relation and respect, but make new friendships from the masjid, Islamic center and such. This is the kind of friendship that adds to you and strengthen your faith.

 

Thanks for your duaa, may Allah Al-Mighty guide us all, amen.

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Salaam,

 

All Praise is due to Allah Subhanah Alone, for it is nothing but His Help, His Mercy, and His Grace that He has given us the opportunity to serve in His Cause.

 

You are absolutely right, you did not tell me to turn my friends into enemies or run them down with a car. You just accused me of not being pious enough and told me that I need to change. I'm sorry brother but this offends me. You do not know what is in my heart, the strength of my faith in Allah (s.w.t) or the influence my friends have on me and how that would affect my deen. Hamdillulah Allah (s.w.t) has guided me and in the many years I've been practising my friends have only ever encouraged, supported and respected my choice and for the record, even if it takes 2000 years, I will do everything I can to help them see the truth Insha'Allah. We are not perfect, but we all share a common bond, love for Allah and His messenger. Even the worst of Muslims will fight to the death to defend his Lord, his Messenger and His deen.

 

Nevertheless, I have spoken to many Shieks asking the exact same question and for the sake of Allah (s.w.t) I will share the wisdom bestowed upon me. The consensus is that if he can not provide proof that my friends are a bad influence on me and on my deen, then I am well within my rights to continue my relationship with my friends. They recommend that I seek advice from my parents and ensure that at the time of nikah I make it very clear that he cannot make such restrictions on me, and get it documented on my nikah namah. And in the circumstance where he is able to provide proof, he then has every right to place such restrictions on me, in which case he needs to make sure that the same should also apply to him and his friends whom are a bad influence on him also, otherwise it would be hypocrisy. Islam is a very tolerant and peaceful religion. Every law is logical and no abuse is acceptable, especially where the man does what he prohibits his woman to do.

 

I thank everyone who has taken the time to answer my question and has shown much appreciated concern. May Allah give us all increased faith, knowledge and love for each other.

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Salaam,

 

All Praise is due to Allah Subhanah Alone, for it is nothing but His Help, His Mercy, and His Grace that He has given us the opportunity to serve in His Cause.

 

You are absolutely right, you did not tell me to turn my friends into enemies or run them down with a car. You just accused me of not being pious enough and told me that I need to change. I'm sorry brother but this offends me. You do not know what is in my heart, the strength of my faith in Allah (s.w.t) or the influence my friends have on me and how that would affect my deen. Hamdillulah Allah (s.w.t) has guided me and in the many years I've been practising my friends have only ever encouraged, supported and respected my choice and for the record, even if it takes 2000 years, I will do everything I can to help them see the truth Insha'Allah. We are not perfect, but we all share a common bond, love for Allah and His messenger. Even the worst of Muslims will fight to the death to defend his Lord, his Messenger and His deen.

 

Nevertheless, I have spoken to many Shieks asking the exact same question and for the sake of Allah (s.w.t) I will share the wisdom bestowed upon me. The consensus is that if he can not provide proof that my friends are a bad influence on me and on my deen, then I am well within my rights to continue my relationship with my friends. They recommend that I seek advice from my parents and ensure that at the time of nikah I make it very clear that he cannot make such restrictions on me, and get it documented on my nikah namah. And in the circumstance where he is able to provide proof, he then has every right to place such restrictions on me, in which case he needs to make sure that the same should also apply to him and his friends whom are a bad influence on him also, otherwise it would be hypocrisy. Islam is a very tolerant and peaceful religion. Every law is logical and no abuse is acceptable, especially where the man does what he prohibits his woman to do.

 

I thank everyone who has taken the time to answer my question and has shown much appreciated concern. May Allah give us all increased faith, knowledge and love for each other.

 

Salam alaykum,

 

Aww sister, you responded so touching. May Allah guide your husband. He needs to be an open-minded muslim. You are so very right about every word you said above. May Allah help you. You'll be in my thought.

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