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mohdrahman

Please Help To Interpret My Situation..

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Aslamalaikum Wr Wb... 

Sincerely seeking your advice for a better life...

During my teens, I wasnt being a muslim as I ought to be (consumed drinks, seeing videos, had consensual sex etc).

Then during the early twenties, I was so much into Islam. Use to pray daily, use to fast on mondays. Would not lift my face and see any girls. I was as pious as I can be. I was so contended with life. I got married. Married life was happy, then I lost the job. During this period, again something happened to me and I started watching , stopped praying etc. But still in my mind, I was thinking I am being tested, I couldnt pray yet I couldnt move away or twards Allah. Even if I prayed, I prayed with half-heart. I was feeling hopeless and being alone in this world, litterally mad at myself. I got a job and life moved on. I could get back to praying regularly.

I wanted to have a child, whenervr I prayed I always asked dua for a child. All this while watching continued, I dont know why..I had given up all hopes of getting a child by normal means (test tube baby) for about a year. We had planned for IVF(test tube baby) and then all of a sudden my wife is pregnant by normal means. True, it looks like a miracle.

Now, I really dont know whats happening and why I am going through all this. When I wanted a child, I didnt get. Later when I made up my mind to go with doctor's recommendation, my wife concieves. 

I really dont know if Allah is punishing me or blessing me or giving me secret singals when I am not able to get meaning off. I wanted to share this and get your opinion, advice/guidance brother/sisters. Please help me as to why its happening like this to me and what should I do..

 

When I moved towards him, nothing happened. When I move away, everything happens..I feel so guilty and ashamed.

 

Please help me...

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I think we always have to keep in mind that Allah (SWT) operates on his own schedule. A year to us may be less than a second to him, so the reward for your dua may come much later, and not always in the form you asked. Also, we must always be conscious to not take a vending machine approach to our faith (I.e. put good deeds in, get tangible rewards in return). Our daily prayers are really for our benefit, to help us get closer to Allah (SWT). Alhamdulillah that you and your wife have been blessed with a child! Does it really matter in the grand scheme of eternity exactly how Allah (SWT) chose to bestow the blessing? In my humble opinion, I think that we are to learn patience when our dua is not immediately answered, and also to understand that Allah knows the best way for us. Think of the money you and your wife will have saved by being granted a child by normal means instead of the thousands you would have invested in IVF treatments, and use some of that to give charity to an orphan or to feed a poor person. Think of the care with which Allah (SWT) chose your lovely wife for you and respect that by making yourself turn off the ####### images and videos to go spend time with your wife instead, or watch a nasheed video or Islamic lecture on YouTube when the urge to watch haram videos strikes. Brother, you sound like a good-hearted individual. Never lose faith that you can return to a virtuous lifestyle --take 1 step towards Allah (SWT) and He will run 10 steps towards you.

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Wa alaykum salam brother,

 

Firstly, welcome to the forum. Secondly, i wanna suggest you not to mention about your sins to anyone so that Allah will forgive them hopefully. 

 

As all of us know that life is a real test, we should follow our beloved prophet. Although you know that drinking alcohol and watching haram things is actually haram, you do it, because you want things to be easier and moreover you wanna forget about your troubles and problems at that moments. Sheytan will make you forget about them for some time, but the reality will come again soon. So it's not a solution to prefer the haram way.

 

You have a wife, you're responsible for yourself and your woman, and will be for your child. Be prepared for this responsibilities, rely on Allah, in your heart know that your soul belongs to Allah who created you and gave an opportunity to reach a high position in spiritual journey. We all have difficulties in our lives, the important thing is not to forget Allah and go away from Him, and to be patient. Remember Surah Al-Asr. Read it from deep of your heart. Be grateful for what you already have. There are a lot to be grateful to Allah... Just deeply think about it, and this deeply thinking is also a good deed which is called tafakkur.

Edited by muzur

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