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Missunderstood Friend

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I had a friend formerly who was very close to me. She was a new convert and very enthuastic to learn about Islam, even to the very details. She had a high standard from what Masjid she could attend to what actions she could take as muslim. She refused to follow what she thought as "not pure Islamic things".

She found out about Islam from a egyptian boy she knew on internet. She told me how she loved the boy, eventhough the boy seemed like hanging her feelings.

As her only sister she talked to, I tried my best to be her friend. Slowly but sure, I guide her to pure Islam. I answered her questions/curiosity about Islam, comforted her when she had problems, being there when she was lonely and needed someone to talk to, etc.

But later I found out that the egyptian boy she loved tried to approach her in un-Islamic manner. I tried to warn her about that but she got really angry. She broke her relationship with me at once, deleted any of her social media accounts about Islam and stayed away from Islamic friends on forum. I thought her love for the boy had gone to the extreme level where she couldn't think rationally anymore. She neglected all her critical side about Islam as long as she could get in touch with the boy, eventhought it was not "pure Islamic". All her carefullness when she was selecting Masjid, activities, etc has lost because of the boy. She misunderstood my intention to save her as a fellow muslim with a person who confused her in Islam and friendship.

What do you think about this girl? Do you see her the same way as I see her as a girl who has "lost it"? Thank you before for your opinion.

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PropellerAds

As salaam alaykum 

 

sister i can see you are very worried about this girl but unfortunately sometimes we must leave people to learn their own mistakes. You were a really good sister and you were there for her. But we must remember that Islam is a journey and we cannot be there every step of the way to hold peoples hands and guide them. Unfortunately she is in a situation where her feelings for the boy have made her blind to what Islam is. I have heard this similar situation a few times when girls convert for a guy who isn't really the best Muslim and then they are encouraged to do un Islamic things. We can only pray that the girl will see that this guy is not really guiding her and not really caring about her because if he did then he would not encourage her to do un Islamic things. It seemed at the beginning she was genuinely interested in Islam so hopefully somewhere in her heart she will feel what she is doing is wrong. And I hope that your friendship will be fixed one day as you seem like a good friend.

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Thank you for your kind reply, Sister. I believe for a long time ago that what I was doing is right, if only that girl can see it from a more rational point of view. As for coming back to be her friend then I must say : no, NEVER! How could I be her friend when she accused me for trying to ruin her friendship with NONMAHRAM BOY while my pure intention is just to SAVE her? Not only that. She also accused me for trying to ruin her believe on people. Oh, God, what I was doing just try to warn her to BE CAREFUL with her surroundings! I also tried to teach her MANNERS since her introvert self making her didn't know how to behave in friendship. Oh, well, I really cared for her as fellow muslim and I met this blind accusation? Enough of this. She can do anything as she please, I won't care anymore. I have done my duty to tell her what is right and what is wrong in Islam. I may forgive her if she aplogize, but I don't think we can come back to be friend like before. I don't intend to do anything unIslamic. I don't want to sewer my connection to her because Allah told us not to. But if she needs someone to talk to, go for someone else. To forgive but not to forgive, that is my principle

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No, Brother, I can not do that. I am not a prophet. I am mere a normal human with all limitations both in emotional control and Islamic degree. This is not something I can do because of several reasons.

First, she does not have proper manners. I don't know how her parents raise her or how pitiful is her social life but it is proved that she can not behave like any normal well-mannered human. She does everything as she pleases without considerations to others. I can not tolerate just about everything.

Second, she does not want to listen to anyone about anything, except if the one is oh-so-perfect-boy-she-loves or someone that is walking on her shoes. Come on! That boy she adores so much in fact is not the best example of muslim because he still dares to chat with her, a nonmahram girl, using webcam. This is somewhat funny  because how can she cling to that boy so much even after knowing that he is not that religious? Well, love is indeed blind (and misleading). And you can search for anyone on earth and count how many muslims have the same experiences like her. Besides, using her self-made principle, it means that even ulema, sheikh, mufti, teacher, parents, etc can not advise her because they are not him or someone that walks on her shoes! What an irrational principle! How can I guide her then if she is like that?

Third, she is intoxicated by her haram relationship with that nonmahram boy, even almost worship him and think that all muslims are nothing compared to him. She thinks that the boy is angel or even prophet that will never make mistake and believe him 100% like no other. This is so sick that I want to throw up. If the boy is someone that we can look up to, maybe it is acceptable. But that boy is not even a perfect muslim! Even so still she believes in him and follows him even neglects everything she has just for the sake of the imperfect boy. How can someone be so blinded and do that stupid action? I am not the one to be with such irrational person.

Fourth, she is not that good. You know, when we were still friends, I did everything only for her own good and happiness. But even after all those things I did for her, she told everyone about the twisted version of story as if everything I did for her was bad. Also, when confronted by me on internet, she used her other account to mock me with colorful languages and just after that switched to her primary account to pretend to be a sweetheart so everybody loved her and supported her. That is so coward and sickly! If she has something to say, why don't say it in front of my face? Afraid? Well, the good news is she could never last long againts me, because I revealed all embarassing things she tried to hide on internet that could ruin her sweetheart image. What a two-faced girl!

So, enough is enough. I won't respond anymore to anyone who want to speak about that girl. My door is already closed for her. She can get lost, do all haram things in this world, love nomahram boys to death, even suicide as she wants, I won't even notice. I have tried to save her once from haram relationship but she arrogantly refused. I tried to clear our missunderstanding but it didn't work well. So yeah, from now on, I won't be there anymore for her to save her from hell-fire or misleading Islam. Now, the likes of her is not worth my time at all. I have a full life to live and a depressed, irrational and lovesick girl clearly does not deserve my attention. I will let her live as wildly as she likes. Afterall, she likes to think that making mistake is a part of learning Islam. Don't ask me where she gets that conclusion.  I will not bother myself anymore with her because now she has lost any meanings to me. And that is all I have to say about that girl.

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It shouldn't be "sick" or "sickly" but "sickening". I hope no one misinterpreted those phrases. Oh, how wish I could go back to the day I met her... and walk the hell away.

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Hello sister. Honestly I have experienced this misunderstanding too with an enthusiastic convert friend. She cut ties with me just because of a really petty difference of [scholarly] opinion. Then she even backbites me!

.

Sometimes qadr Allah, we just cross path with certain person within a course of time, then separated each other. If you have helped her to get to know Islam, don't regret every single seconds you spent with her to aid her journey. Allah will keep your reward. People separated in different ways, good and bad, but in the end there's no such thing "best friend forever". Give her account to Allah and move on.

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