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Sunni Shia Marriage Problem

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Asalam-o-Alakium  everyone

 

Im a 21 year old female and Im a sunni muslim..and i like a guy who is a shia muslim..he is 22 year old..as everyone knows how difficult it is to get inter-religion marriage done..same is the problem with us..we cant understand what do..I recently moved to USA whereas he lives in dubai.. I just need some advice on what to do and how to do..because i may be stuck here in usa for 5-6 years for my status purposes..and he might get his greencard in 2-3 years n then come here..but the only problem we have is marriage..please help me figure it out.

 

 should we breakup as in stop talking and move on with our life ?? ..but i dont want this to happen and neither does he..

he is more wooriied than me ..he thinks if none of our families agreed to our marriage then he might have ruined my life..whereas i think we can totally make it work by making our parents undertsand..he is a muslim im a muslim he believes in Allah..i believe in Allah..thats all that should matter isnt it? by the way we both belong to Pakistan.

 

anyways..please help me out..we both are stressed due to this and we really need some advice/support/help whatever u can give us

 

Jazak Allah khair

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wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah sister

 

No matter what denomination, if the husband is muslim (sunni, shia, sufi, etc) a muslim woman can marry him.

And, there are slight differences in belief and practice, which you may think like differences between 4 madhahib..

And, about those differences being understanding and sacrificing will surely make it work..

like, about fasting times in Ramadan, he can be understanding and refrain from eating when you stop eating in suhoor, as stopping 20-30 minutes "earlier" won't ruin his fasting as per shia Islam (in fact it is praised).. And about iftaar, you can be sacrificing and understanding and start eating 15 minutes "later", as "delaying" the iftaar won't ruin your fasting as per sunni Islam (in fact it is praised).. That way you can start (and finish) eating together.. :hug:  Etc.. And believe me, it works..

 

So, what I am saying is, you can find a common ground even about those differences.. Really, it is fine.. One thing the lovers are worried in ITRA-religion marriages is that, the condition of the children.. :happy:  And, you can talk about it beforehand.. A decision like, focusing on the shared beliefs, like God, Prophets, Hereafter etc. while teaching the kids, and not imposing the kids any sect but letting them learn via observing would be the best decision.. And that they can decide themselves when they grow up.. And, really it is the best.. In such marriages, the children have a healthier thinking, as they are not filled with misinformation/disinformation about sects.. They can observe it themselves.. InshaAllah such marriages help Islamic unity.. And the kids born from them are most healthier (in thinking) than others..

 

So, my suggestion is, he does not postpone asking your hand, as "dating" is not seen as good as per both denominations of Islam.. And that your parents search about him ignoring denomination differences, as you both believe it does not matter (which is good, you can form a house of wahdah, unity..)

 

Note that, as your huby says, you need only your parents' blessings (and I can understand why he is worried, because, if -God forbid- you break up or he dies, you may not have a home to return..) And, another point is, as per sunni and shia Islam, blessings of a virgin girl's parents is a must.. (As, Islam allows marriage without blessings of the parents of the husband or the wife who married before.. As, they are believed to be experienced.. But, as virgin girls are usually "blinded" by love, they need the blessings of their parents, as they can search about the husband to be..) However, they must not be blinded by sect differences.. They must search about his morality, loyalty etc..

 

I hope neither of your parents act biased about sects and that they approve your marriage.. Congratulations.. ma salam

Edited by Matemkar

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wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah

 

No matter what denomination, if the husband is muslim (sunni, shia, sufi, etc) a muslim woman can marry him.

And, there are slight differences in belief and practice, which you may think like differences between 4 madhahib..

And, about those differences being understanding and sacrificing will surely make it work..

like, about fasting times in Ramadan, he can be understanding and refrain from eating when you stop eating in suhoor, as stopping 20-30 minutes "earlier" won't ruin his fasting as per shia Islam (in fact it is praised).. And about iftaar, you can be sacrificing and understanding and start eating 15 minutes "later", as "delaying" the iftaar won't ruin your fasting as per sunni Islam (in fact it is praised).. That way you can start (and finish) eating together.. :hug:  Etc.. And believe me, it works..

 

So, what I am saying is, you can find a common ground even about those differences..

 

So, my suggestion is, he does not postpone asking your hand, as "dating" is not seen as good as per both denominations of Islam..

And that your parents search about him ignoring denomination differences, as you believe it does not matter (which is good, you can form a house of wahdah, unity..)

 

Note that, as your huby says, you need only your parents' blessings (and I can understand why he is worried, because, if -God forbid- you break up or he dies, you may not have a home to return..) And, another point is, as per sunni and shia Islam, blessings of a virgin girl's parents is a must.. (As, Islam allows marriage without blessings of the parents of the husband or the wife who married before.. As, they are believed to be experienced.. But, as virgin girls are usually "blinded" by love, they need the blessings of their parents, as they can search about the husband to be..) However, they must not be blinded by sect differences.. They must search about his morality, loyalty etc..

 

I hope neither of your parents act biased about sects and that they approve your marriage.. Congratulations.. ma salam

Thankyou so much for this advice..I'll make sure i forward your answer to him to keep him motivated..He is just losing hope thats whats bothering me these days

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Assalaamu Alaikum sister.  I will just comment and say this situation is a bit more complicated than the previous reply.  Please make sure your parents get to know this man very well.  Some Shi'a believe they will get benefit from harming a Sunni (mentally, physically, or by feeding pork/alcohol).  This is NOT all Shi'a, but an "extreme" few.  Please be absolutely positive that this man is not one of them! 

 

Other than that, the small bits of practice won't matter much - but you do need to figure out which sect your children will be raised in.

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Salaam alaiykum,

 

As for the initial part I think it is possible as long as differences are laid out and certain understandings are gone over from the beginning including how to raise the children.  As for the sect I would say to raise them on the Qur'an and love for Allah and let them decide where they will go and what they will do.  I was raised Christian with an emphasis on the importance of loving God and now I am Muslim married to a Catholic and we have been married over a year, if we can work so can ya'll.

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Sister you need to understand the creed of such a person, some shia beliefs take a person outside the fold of Islam. So investigate further.

 

But before even that you need the consent of your parents, The prophet SAWS said in his Hadith that there is no Nikkah without the consent of a Wali (gaurdian) in this case your father. there are cases when a wali can be passed if the father is being unreasonable, but this is judged according to situations.

 

Also remember the strongest bond of love is when the love of two people is based on the Love of Allah, if this is just lust then it is something that will pass and at all times we should trying to please Allah not ourselves and our desires.

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wa alaykum as salaam sister

 

You wouldn't be asking this question if deep in your heart you felt it was right. But deep in your heart you feel there is a problem which is why you are asking.

 

I don't think you should take advice like as long as you understand your differences things can work out etc. It is a serious difference and as one brother said above it is important when it comes to children. Have you discussed when you get married what your children will believe?

 

There are fundamental differences between what you believe and what he believes, it is really not enough to fool yourself by saying you both believe in Allah and that should be enough. Your love for Allah should be greater than your love for a guy. Marriage is a serious thing and shouldn't be taken lightly - you must think of marrying someone who you will have the least conflict with. If you give up something for Allah He will surely reward you with something better. 

 

Also another thing important in a marriage is that the two people guide each other towards Allah. Don't put yourself in a situation where you could be guided away from Allah. 

 

Read the following: http://www.gawaher.com/topic/1151-the-shia/

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Remember that the sect related issues are not allowed to be discussed in the forum.

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[at]female.

 

You should check out what he believes in. I mean does he believe in cursing the Sahabas and wives of prophet :s:. Then does he believe in the infallibility of Imams. If yes for either of these two, Islamically you can NOT marry. The best option obviously is to not marry as long as religious differences are there. Be patient, go Islamically.

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