Is Divorce Good Or Bad?

[russell 13]

Hi All

 

This is another topic I’ve touched on a number of times here and again I’ve not seen any rational response so far so I’ll raise it again here in a separate thread.

 

Is divorce an evil?  Is a society that shows a zero divorce rate healthier than one that has a higher rate?

 

My position is that a divorce rate shows that a society allows people the freedom to admit that they’ve made a mistake and to get out of a marriage that no longer works for them.  We are all human, we change over the course of our lives so it’s inevitable that some people will drift apart and such people will be happier if they are allowed to divorce and the scientific evidence is clear that children are far healthier mentally if their parents who have drifted apart divorce rather than staying together for the children.

 

A very low or zero divorce rate suggests that a society restricts people from making this rational decision condemning many unhappy people to remain unhappy for the rest of their lives rather than getting out of this bad situation to the detriment of them and their children.

 

What do you feel about divorce?

 

Russell

[Younes 202]

Is divorce an evil? Well, it depends on the case. Having a high divorce rate in and of itself is not really a good thing because divorce is a bit more complex than two unhappy people parting ways. Let's keep in mind that divorce also involves cheating, parties that have not learned to commit and show patience, etc. A lot of marriages could be salvaged if people were more patient and wanted to work things out. Then there's of course marriages that are not salvageable. A high divorce rate can also mean that people do not take marriage seriously as they are not committed enough. They see that people around them divorce based on flimsy reasons, people aren't committed, so they follow suit. 

 

It's also irrational to think that "a very low divorce rate suggests that a society restricts people from making this rational decision condemning many unhappy people to remain unhappy for the rest of their lives rather than getting out of this bad situation to the detriment of them and their children". A very low divorce rate can also reflect other more positive things. 

 

Basically, what I am saying is that divorces are complex. Some are for good and some are for bad. 

[ParadiseLost 333]

In Islam divorce is not illegal. There are rulings in the quran that relate to divorce issues and how to go about settling a divorce, issues of finances etc. However, divorce is encouraged to be a last resort. A husband and wife shouldn't resort to divorce when they hit the first hurdle. They must try work through their problems as life is not always easy. 

 

A lot of married couples will go through a phase of difficulty where they may feel they aren't happy with one another or that something isn't right but I believe there are options to work through these issues such as counselling and spending more time with one another alone. A lot of couples once they have children and have jobs may not be spending enough time together and that is why they drift apart and think they no longer suit each other. So I don't believe they should choose an easy way out. Yes it isn't good if two people are unhappy in a marriage especially for children but when it comes to the option of trying to make it work I think they should take that option before they divorce. Divorce is a painful procedure for children and both spouses. I really believe it shouldn't be used lightly. 

 

Having said that I completely agree that in some cases there is no alternative. If the couple have tried everything and the problem is still the same they shouldn't force themselves to be unhappy. Especially if a husband or wife is continually unfaithful or if a husband is abusive. And in some cultures people look down on especially a divorced woman. They see her as used goods. I just want to say that this is not a right attitude in Islam at all. Islam allows divorce and allows a divorced woman to remarry. It is no harm if a man would prefer not to marry a divorced woman but I think the Islamic community must work harder in some countries to get rid of the stigma attached to divorce. As I said it is a big decision that has a lot of emotional pain and to then feel after you made this decision you will be judged by it for all your life is so wrong in Islam. 

 

But I disagree that low divorce rates suggest people are unhappy. Maybe people just try harder to keep their marriage together and don't give up as easily as they do in other countries. I don't think you should view this as a bad thing. 

[gmcbroom 9]

It is indeed a complicated issue.  Catholics don't believe in divorce but that doesn't mean they don't happen.  Jesus said divorce was allowed due to the hardness of their hearts. 

 

That doesn't mean it's preferred.  As the Catholic Church teaches that 2 two become one flesh.  So rending that asunder isn't exactly encouraged and it can be spiritually dangerous as it leads to adultery at least according to the Church. So instead of divorce the Catholic Church gives two options one is annulments which discern whether a marriage was ever valid. The other is less known but still valid where the married couple live apart with a dispensation thus allowing them each to keep partaking the sacraments.  Its harder to get and even less known but still an option.   

 

Peace be with you.   

[russell 13]

Hi All

 

I must say that your response are very reasoned and I agree with them pretty much completely.  I raised the issue because a poster on one of the Islamic forums I visited complained loudly that the western system was obviously fatally flawed because we had a high divorce rate while he claimed that his society had virtually zero.

 

I agree that a zero divorce rate is idea if it is because everyone picks the right partner in the first place and so never wants to divorce.  We are human so that’s never going to happen but I agree that it is ideal for all the reasons you have mentioned, the effects on children, the emotional effects on this involved etc.

 

And I have to agree that people do give up on marriage too easily rather than trying to work through their issues.

 

The idea that society will look down on divorced women is abhorrent and, I’m glad to say, not a part of my society.  Being divorced is common enough that no one takes any notice of it here other than as part of a woman’s life history which is always an interesting story.

 

Another side to divorce is the list of problems generated for the woman who older and divorces so is left without family support in a community where women are not allowed to travel unaccompanied for significant distances or work in many jobs.  How many problems does this cause for such women?

 

On catholics and divorce I’d heard that a divorce would also be granted in the case that one party was unfaithful so if a couple separated and one formed another relationship the church would treat that person as an adulterer and their former partner would then be granted a divorce.  I’m not sure if that one’s true but I’ve heard it from a few sources.

 

I believe that any system which prevents people from divorcing is bad and should be resisted and changed.  I believe that any system which helps married people to work through their problems and so avoid the need for a divorce is also a good thing and I believe that, as I said above, a zero divorce rate which reflects the fact that all married couples are permanently happy together is the idea situation.

 

Thanks for your input.  I wonder if any of those who have claimed that the west is failing because of our divorce rate are still here.  I’d like to hear their input on this.

 

Russell

[russell 13]

Hi Redeemed

 

Again we are back to the “god doesn’t like it” argument because all other arguments in favor of that position have failed.  As I’ve said before I’m sure you understand how much of an effect that statement has on an atheist.  Tell me ‘mickey mouse’ does not like it and I’ll give it as much weight.  ‘Mickey’s’ desires are irrelevant to the question under discussion.  My entire point in raising this was to show that ‘god doesn’t like it’ is the only argument that holds water here and that argument fails because there almost certainly is no god.

 

Russell

[russell 13]

Hi Redeemed

 

I know that the ideas you call god don’t like it, that’s a very different thing.  A famous commentator once said “I’m not scared of god it’s his fan club I’m worried about”.  I’d have to say I agree because from what I can tell religions are all about god’s fan club but they are fan clubs without a star.

 

I’m an agnostic so yes the correct way to phrase it is “almost certainly”.  A theist is someone who can point to a specific god and say “I believe in him” but I can’t so I’m not a theist or in other words an atheist.  Atheists don’t necessarily believe there is definitely no god they just don’t have a god in which they do believe.  Some atheists do indeed believe that we can know with 100% certainty that there is no god but they are only a sub group of atheists and I’m not one of them.

 

As for why I’m here I’m learning a lot about how theists of various strips think.  That’s interesting I’m sure you’d have to agree.  Don’t you think that you have interesting things to say?

 

Russell

[ParadiseLost 333]

God has ordained marriage to show the relationship He has with His church. It is a sacred institution whereby we become one! God hates divorce!

So if there is a case where a woman is treated bad by her husband or a man is treated bad by her wife to the extent where it is abuse you think they should continue their marriage? I have read stories about abuse in a relationship and to think that people like you out there think they should stay together is worrying.

[russell 13]

Hi Redeemed

 

God does not fly planes into buildings but his fans do, god does not fight crusades, burn witches or murder abortion doctors but his fans do, god does not strap on explosives and commit suicide in a crowded place but again his fans do.  Do you see why it’s his fans that I have concerns about?

 

God is claimed to have committed some atrocities, the flood of Noah and Sodom and Gomorrah for example but we have no evidence that any such events ever took place and for the former plenty of evidence that it did not.  God doesn’t come across as scary at all, not so his fan club, they are the ones you need to be careful of.

 

Russell

[russell 13]

Hi ParadiseLost

 

I agree that a women or a man who is treated bady by their spouse should be free to leave with no repercussions and no stigma but I’d take it further.  Marriage is about making people happy so if your partner no longer makes you happy then you should again be free to leave.  I agree that that step should not be taken lightly, that people should work to overcome their problems first but the option should always be there in a moral society.

 

Russell