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Starting All Over And Depression

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السلام عليكم

Here's my problem:

There's a boy whom I've been wanting to marry for a while, but I sometimes have doubts about him and his behaviour. Other times I might see him as forgiving and kind.

A girl I know is saying that I might be affected by sheytan, so I'm confused now. However, I have to admit she's been kind to me and refers to Islamic teachings a lot.

I'm also not comfortable with my own Muslim identity as I live with my parents and they're not Muslim.

A big problem with me is the fact that I get so easily confused as I live in as family where no one likes Islam, I'm not sure if having long conversations with people is harming my ability to grow my faith on my own as well.

I've never had a moment without having a Muslim to talk to, which is strange for me as an introvert. However, I'm now thinking about isolation as one possible cure to my problems and confusions. Is this permissible in Islam?

Also, the more confused I get, the more depressed I get and I often feel it's l my fault.

 

My parents make me confused about myself since I have to tell then that I'm not a Muslim and eat with them even though they might eat abs drink haram.

The people whom I speak to come with so different arguments which confuse me as well. I guess this has to do with my introverted nature. I simply never know whom to trust, and if I have to get rid of a problem, I have to start all over completely. Perhaps also spend time to think on my own as well

 

I just want to know if it's permissible to do that, and if you have advice on how to treat Islam as an introvert. Also, I'm not sure what to do then to look for a husband as I'm shy as well and also don't have a community other than a few friends in other countries.

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PropellerAds

:wa:

What do you mean by isolation? you're already an introvert as you mentioned. What more isolation do you have in mind?

You're thinking in the wrong direction.

What you need is to strengthen your faith. Read Islamic books, read the Quran, pray more, stick with good pious Muslim girls. Do you go to a masjid or an Islamic center? these places are best for making new friendships and hang out with good pious sisters. A good company is beneficial both for your faith and your character. This would insha'Allah get you closer to your faith, and help get you out of your introvert habits.

As for marriage, don't look for a husband. He will look for you. The more you widen your circle of acquaintance among Muslim sisters and their families, the more likely someone will find his match in you.

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Wa Alaykum Salaam

 

There is always going to be doubts when getting married as you never know how the person actually is until you marry them. I would advise that you have a meeting with the guy and talk about your doubts. Also speak to him about what you expect from him and make sure his level of Emaan is at suitable level for you.

 

Living in certain environments do affect us and for sure an anti-islamic environment is not a good one, if you ever get confused go back and read the Quran and pray to Allah that he removes the confusion from your mind and your heart. If you are able to wake up 10-15mins before the fajr (morning) prayer starts and make dua to Allah, make stronger the connection that you have with Allah.

 

In terms of isolation, it is good thing if done in small short doses for the purpose of reflection and building ones faith. Maybe an idea is to turn everything off around you and sit and reflect in your room. Total isolation is not advised.

 

One of the things about being an introvert or extrovert is that no one person is 100% of one sided. We all have traits of intro and extro inside of us. What you need to work out is how to create an environment around yourself that makes you feel comfortable. The mind is very powerful you must believe you can be more confident.

 

Below are some Dua you may find useful

 

 اللِّهُمَّ إنِّي عَبْدُكَ ، ابْنُ عَبْدِكَ ، ابْنُ أَمَتِكَ ، نَاصِيَتِي بِيَدِكَ ، مَاضِ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤُكَ ، أَسْأَلُكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ ، سَمَّيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ ، أَوْ أنْزَلْتَهُ فِي كِتَاَبِكَ ، أَوْ عَلَّمْتَهُ أَحَدًا مِنْ خَلْقِكَ ، أَوِ اسْتَأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الْغَيْبِ عِنْدَكَ ، أنْ تَجْعَلَ الْقُرْآنَ رَبِيعَ قَلْبِي ، وَ نُورَ صَدْرِي ، وَ جَلاءَ حُزْنِي ، وَ ذَهَابَ هَمِّي

Allahumma inni ‘abduka, ibnu ‘abdika, ibnu amatika, naasiyati biyadika, maadhin fiyya hukumuka, ‘adhlun fiyya qadha’uka asaluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka, sammaita bihi nafsaka, aw an-zaltahu fi kitabika, aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika, awista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilmil-ghaibi ‘indaka, an taj’alal-Qur’ana Rabbi’a qalbi, wa nura sadri, wa jalaa’a huzni, wa dhahaba hammi

‘O Allaah, I am Your servant, son of Your servant, son of Your maidservant, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You name Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety.’


[Musnad Imam Ahmad 1/391. Shaikh al-Albaani graded it authentic (Saheeh) in al-Kalimtul-Tayyib]

اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي أعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَ الْحَزَنِ ، وَ الْعَجْزِ وَ الْكَسَلِ ، وَ الْبُخْلِ وَ الْجُبْنِ ، وَ ضَلَعِ الدِّيْنِ وَ غَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ

Allahumma inni ‘a’udhubika minal hammi walhuzni Wal’ajzi walkasali walbukhli waljubni, Wa dal’id-daiyni wa ghalabatir-rajal
Oh Allah, I seek refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being over powered by men. [sahih al-Bukhari 7:158, Al-Asqalani - Fath al-Bari 11:173]

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