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Problems With My Sister

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I am the youngest in my family, and my sister who used to be the youngest until I was born always hated me as a child. She was always jealous of me because I took away her attention, and she is 10 years older than me. Now I am 20 and she is 31, and she got a divorce because her husband cheated on her. Ever since then she's become a completely different person. Her and I always fought, but I used to look up to her because she was religious and would always give me Islamic advice. Ever since the divorce she's been living with my family and I, and I've been so used to living alone with my parents. The first 6 months she stayed here, she took my room and wore all my clothes. There were 2 other rooms in the house, but she only wanted to stay in my room. I slept on the floor for 6 months, and I got engaged and didn't have my own room. I let a lot of things go because of what she went through, but there were times I said some mean things. While I was getting a divorce she would put me down, and say my fiancé will cheat on me and that I'll have a horrible time since she didn't think I would be a good daughter in law. She made me cry on my engagement. I've had to deal with a lot living with her so at times I would blow up and call her the B word or say that she deserved being cheated on, but I always apologized after. I'm the one who helped her find out she was being cheated on, if it wasn't for me she still wouldn't know. I never got a thank you for anything.

She used to be a hijabi, and now she doesn't wear it and she's so consumed with her looks. She always competes with me and has done many messed up things. I figured it was the best to just suck it up, and don't say anything back. I started getting close to her, and we would hang out a lot and I've always been there for her but I bottled in so much anger because she continued doing things I was annoyed of. I didn't confront her because whenever I did, she would get my whole family against me and make my life hell. The other day I blew up and called her a "self absorbed . " I felt extremely guilty and apologized and had a heart to heart with her and told her that I think she's changing and I miss how she was before. I also explained to her the things that I've been bottling up. She just denied everything, and kept saying I was wrong and she was right.

I have a few more months, and I'm going to be moving out to go to a UC. I want to get my parents duas and spend time with them but I don't feel like I can with her in the house.

I have other sisters and they're nice but I can honestly say I hate this sister. No one else sees how different she is because she doesn't act like this with them. I don't know what to do, i don't even like leaving my room because it's awkward seeing her. We haven't been talking and I just wanna fun away because she's so rude to me. I'm a kind person, and I don't hate anyone. I didn't think I ever could, but it's sad that I hate my own sister. She has a son as well, but she acts like she's 15. She waves to guys when they hit on us and flirt, eventhough she's still married. I am disgusted of her personality. She's a psychologist and manipulative, and no one understands me.. So I feel like I have no one to talk to about this. She gets my whole family on her side.

What do I do?

I'm moving next summer and I want to get my parents duas but I miss it just being my parents and I.


My questions would be:

What do I do about my sister, and living with her?

I don't like being out of my room while she's here, so how do I get my parents duas?

What can I do about my situation with her?



Please help me,

Sometimes I feel like running away but I don't want to because I love my parents, and have a haven't I want in life aH. I just hope she moves out, before I leave but I don't think that's possible.

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as salaam alaykum


it is a difficult situation but it is important to remember that fighting with our family members is not recommended. It seems your sister is going beyond the boundaries of respect but you must also control yourself when you are angry. Shouting names like you mentioned is wrong in Islam. It doesn't matter who it is. We know that this is wrong in the eyes of Allah and it is something that the prophet of Allah never done even when people called him a liar and wanted him out of Mecca. When you feel angry you must remove yourself from the situation so things do not escalate any further. Being disrespectful will not make the situation any better and it may increase her anger. Just remember that when you criticise her for being disrespectful you are also criticising yourself because you reacted the same way. After you have cooled down and you think she has also cooled down you could ask her to sit down and discuss it with her. Tell her how you felt when she did something wrong to you and tell her that you were upset because you love her.


Do you do any activities with your sister? Maybe you can think of something to do together that will bring you closer. It may be just once a week where you decide just you and her will do something and promise each other that within that time you will not argue for the sake of Allah. 


Of course this situation is difficult. I hope your sister will improve. You must remember though that not all people speak well. Maybe she actually respects you and admires you but does not want to say so. Maybe she would also like to be like you. So be tolerant with her and try your best to be patient in this situation. May Allah guide you.

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Problem with sister? Yeah, I have it too :D

Seems like your sister thinks that whatever she does to you won't make you leave her because you are her family that have unconditional love and patience. Time to change that. Meaning? Don't let her do anything as she please. You should tell her whenever she is doing wrong and show her what is wrong. At first it seems like you are talking to a wall but believe me, actually your sister thinks about it and (Insya Allah) will change gradually. I have many experiences in that matter. Then I think you can try to avoid her as many as possible. It doesn't mean that you do not talk to her but try to spend as little as possible time with her. It worked with my relationship somehow so your sister will realize that no one will tolerate her forever. You also can try to move your room to avoid her. Bring all your things with you including clothes and if possible do not let her wear your clothes without permission so she knows how to respect other's property. Lock your closet if needed. I know it is hard but hey, sleeping on the floor for several months will do you no good. Even it will show your "submission" to her. On the other hand, your bold actions will show your sister that you have enough with her rude behaviours and make your sister think that her family actually have this thing called feelings that can not be looked down otherwise she will be neglected. Don't worry about your parents' dua, because honestly it doesn't have anything to do with your sister's hurtful actions. Maybe they will question your changes towards your sister, but tell them the truth that your sister's actions have gone beyond your tolerance and patience. If they do not believe you, then record some of her actions in video or audio then show it to them. Last but not least, pray to Allah to ease your problem.

That's it, I think. Hope your problem can be solved (if it is not solved already since it has been almost two months ago :D). Have a nice day :)


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I'm sorry about your problem with your sisters, I.. may not know how it feels, but I guess it sucks to feel the feeling we're not supposed to feel towards someone we should respect. And I don't know if I can give a correct advice or solution, but whenever I feel something wrong between me and my sisters, friends, or any muslim brotherhood, this quotes helps me:


“Surely, every Muslim is a brother.”

I know better, that brotherhood doesn't need to be struggled for


Because when the bond gets loosened

When solidarity gets even fragile

When greetings feel so much hurtful

When togetherness feel torturing

When giving is like a fire

And kindness turns to a wound

I know, the one that's broken is not our bond

It's just our iman which is corrupted, or crying

Perhaps both of our iman

Pehaps it's just yours

But most of time, sure my iman that is ragged

so.. sometimes we think that "someone" is ike this, like that, sucks because if this and that, and all the reason that make "that person" seems full of flaw. But perhaps it's not 100% because of that person's mistake. Perhaps it's just our hearts that can't accept that person, so that this person's existence is not something we're expecting for, and our heart is closed for them.


Maybe you need to be able to put aside your bad feeling and just let your mind think the positives sides. Learn to be able to have more time with her so that you would understand what each other's are facing and feeling, and there will be no misunderstanding....

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