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iluvullh

Help me brothers on Islam

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I cant stress enough to tell you what has happened to me. All iam saying is iam worried all my neyats and barkats and quranic duas which i known are becoming endangered to me. I did not do any of this by intentionally, Im a practicing muslim believer and I just wanted to let you know that due to the test put upon by the most mericful Allah i believe that test was being justified upon me it was an horrendous test i cannot explain the test as is the test which associates itself with non muslims and having mental health problems now Allah did give me a vision that my sins will be forgiven and therefore i still believe in him till this day. I believe Allah knows what iam going through and he has guided me towards the correct path towards Islam but due to the fact of this horrendous test i believe kafirs which call it intoxication i have done many of this type of intoxication and i believe that i did not meant to do it i was gotten into addictions, over one mistake which i had still regret to this day i wont make i used the kafris poison it was an horrendous intoxication. This intoxication has led me to be disconnected from Allah and even if when listening to duas and quran i believe there is no speakful truth about my own neyats and quran verses. All I can say is after all this that went through me why i cannot read the quran it will make me weak and unconcious which is a really shock towards me I still do believe in Allah and he will help me out of this situation before anything else bad happens. I cannot do Al ruqya or go to Al haram or Hajj due to this unconcious feeling i believe  will bring me dangers please is there anyone that can help me.

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