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Would You Let Your Husband Marry Again?

Would you let your husband marry another woman while he is married to you or would you marry a brother who is already has one or more wives?  

130 members have voted

  1. 1. Would you let your husband marry another woman while he is married to you or would you marry a brother who is already has one or more wives?

    • I would let him marry again
      32
    • I wouldn't let him marry again
      63
    • I would marry a brother who already has only 1 wife
      5
    • I would marry a brother who already has only 2 wives
      0
    • I would marry a brother who already has 3 wives
      5
    • I have no clue
      24


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:D

 

Anyone got numbers/data on polygamous marriages in the muslim world? It would be interesting to see just how many people practice it

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:D

 

Allah swt allowed slavery, should we practice slavery now?

 

notice this is a common characteristic of the females

 

Lolz, men don't get jealous? Ha! It so saddening to see when women are looked at as simpletons with inferior characteristics. :D No offense btw, I just think you need to be a little more sensitive.

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:D

 

Anyone got numbers/data on polygamous marriages in the muslim world? It would be interesting to see just how many people practice it

 

Most Muslim men don't practice it -- because they simply can't afford it but they would. Men need a mentality change, they need to stop viewing women like lifeless objects. Women are not cars, if the first one is not good enough then get another one. No, it doesn't work like that. We're people just like men, we get hurt, jealous, and angry when our spouse has eyes for another person. Wouldn't you?

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:D

 

your very passionate about this issue :D

 

I dont think any of the brothers on this forum feel that way about women. In the end polygamy is something that is allowed although with strict stipulations. It would be an interesting experience

Edited by Tetsusaiga

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Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

 

Muslimah180, who are you to question the Knowledge and Wisdom of Allah subhana wa ta'la?

 

This matter, polygamy, is something that has been made permissible,

 

And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan­girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. (An-Nisa 4:3)

 

Concerning polygamy

 

Question: Some people say that marrying more than one wife is not allowed unless a person has orphans under his care and he fears that he will not do justice between them. Then he may marry their mother or one of her daughters. For evidence, they quote the verse:

 

{And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry women of your choice, two, three or four...}, [soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 3).

 

Response: This statement is false.

 

The meaning of the verse is that if a person has under his care an orphan and he fears that he will not give her the proper amount of dower, then he should marry other women, for there are many women and Allaah will not make things difficult for him. The verse points to the legality of marrying two, three or four wives. This is allowed because it leads to more chastity, lowering of eyesight and guarding of the private parts.

 

Furthermore, that is a cause for more children and the chastity of more women, as well as them being treated properly and cared for. There is no doubt that the woman who has one-half of a husband or one-third or one-fourth is better off than the one who has no husband at all. However, one must meet the condition of justice among the wives and the ability to take care of and tend to the wives. If a person fears that he will not do justice, then he may only many one wife in addition to having slaves. The practice of the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) indicates and stresses that. When he died, he had nine wives. And Allaah says about him:

 

{Indeed in the Messenger of Allaah you have a good example to follow}, [soorah al-Ahzaab, Aayah 21].

 

The Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) made it clear to his Nation that it was allowed for him to have more than four wives. Therefore, following his example on this point would mean taking four wives or less. Beyond four wives is something that is specific for the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) only.

 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz

Fataawa al-Mar.ah

 

source: "you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_fatwa-online(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/marriage/polygamy/index.htm"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_fatwa-online(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/marriage/polygamy/index.htm[/url]

 

There is no contradiction in the verses regarding polygamy

 

Question: Concerning polygyny, it is stated in the Qur.aan:

 

{If you fear that you will not be able to deal justly [with more then one wife], than [marry] only one}, [soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 3].

 

However, in another place, it states:

 

{You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire}, [soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 129].

 

In the first verse, the condition of being just among the wives is stated while in the second it makes it clear that the condition of justice could never be met. Does this mean that the first verse is abrogated and that it is not allowed to many more than one woman since the condition of justice cannot be fulfilled? Benefit us, may Allaah reward you.

 

Response: There is no contradiction between the two verses. There is also no abrogation by one verse of the other. The justice that is mentioned in the first verse is the justice within one's ability, which is related to being fair in division of time and in maintenance. As for being just with respect to love and sexual relations, this is not within one's ability. This is what is being referred to in the verse:

 

{You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire}, [soorah an-Nisaa., Aayah 129].

 

In a Hadeeth about the Prophet (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) ‘Aa.ishah stated:

 

"The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) used to divide his time between his wives and he was fair. He used to say:

 

((O Allaah, that is my division with respect to what I have control over. Do not blame me for what You control and over which I have no control)). This was recorded by Abu Daawood, at-Tirmidhee, an-Nasaa.ee, Ibn Maajah. It was graded Saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan and al-Haakim.

 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz

Fataawa al-Mar.ah

 

 

You also said,

"Times changed, get with the program. Allah restricted polygamy and recommended monogamy for a reason."

 

So, the words of the Qur'an must change with the times?

 

Also, please provide proof that monogamy was recommended over polygamy.

 

Sister, repent to Allah subhana wa ta'la for these things which you have said and seek knowledge about this particular matter from the trustworthy scholars.

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:D

 

credendo vides, I'm not questioning Allah's Knowledge and Wisdom, so please don't jump to conclusions. And yes, Allah did recommend monogamy over polygamy. Read 4:3 and 4:129.

 

Sorry, I didn't bother reading the information you provided, well, because I really don't give a care to what our "trustworthy" scholars say, the ones who are keeping polygamy well and alive. One scholar suggested that polygamy could be justfied when the first wife has prolonged periods :D. I can give you another interpretation of the verses if you like...

 

And perhaps you're acting holier-than-thou in front of us, but if your husband decided to take a second wife then perhaps you would be singing a different tune, eh?

 

your very passionate about this issue

 

Of course I am. I'll never forget the day when I heard when my father got engaged. It was so hard to see my mother in so much pain. We grieved for months, it has been three years now and it still hurts. My mother gave bore him children, served him, and respected him, and this is the thanks she gets. I don't see what so great about polygamy. :D

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As salamualikum

 

look brother credendo lets pretend to be realistic for a moment

 

it will be very rare for you to find any sister willing to share her husband..............times change and you also have to look at the context in whch Islamic laws were enforced 4 wives was a restriction in a time when men had 100s of wives.

 

these days the population is fairly even and women can take care of themselves.

 

and brother ahm if you think simply " reasuring" ur wife will make it acceptable for you to take another wife then you have a lot to learn about women ...obviously you are single.

 

Im with sister muslimah 100% people need to get with the times and stop trying to live 1500 years ago.

Edited by maz83

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:D

 

it will be very rare for you to find any sister willing to share her husband..............times change and you also have to look at the context in whch Islamic laws were enforced 4 wives was a restriction in a time when men had 100s of wives.

 

Thank you sister maz83 very much, I 100 percent agree with you, and do I know you from somewhere? Do you visit Islam(contact admin if its a beneficial link) forum?

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as salamualikum

 

no sis muslimah i dont but i will now inshallah

 

as for you SISTER credendo i apologise for calling you a brother .what a shame women still have these backdated views its bad enough that the mens still do.

Edited by maz83

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Assalam-ul-Alaikum,

 

I voted no.

 

i notice this is a common characteristic of the females,

 

Men can get just as possesive. :D You should rather say it's "human nature".

 

Also, please provide proof that monogamy was recommended over polygamy.

 

I'll do it for sis Muslimah. :D

 

==============================

======================

 

When is Polygamy allowed in Islam?

 

...Marriage from multiple women in Islam might not be allowed for those who might result in damaging the society with their marriage by bringing more illiterate, poor, and in many cases starving children to the society.

 

Let us look at Noble Verse 4:3 "If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice." Notice how Allah Almighty orders men to be either fair to their wives or never marry more than one wife.

 

Let us look at Noble Verse 4:129 "Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, God is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful."  Here we clearly see that Allah Almighty tells men that they will never be fair to their wives. 

 

Let us see why then Allah Almighty temporarily ordered polygamy but yet very highly discouraged it...

 

What was the purpose of the Noble Verse 4:3?

 

Noble Verse 4:3 was revealed to Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him in Madina after he migrated to it from Mecca and established an Islamic state there right after the battle of Uhud in which the Muslims not only had lost badly against the Pagans, but also suffered a dramatic decrease in the number of Muslim men.  The Muslim men before that battle were approximately 700.  They became only 400 after the battle.  This loss had left so many Muslim women (1) Widows, and (2) Not able to get married if they were single.

 

To make matters even worse, the Muslims had faced yet another battle against the Pagans in Mecca and its neighboring tribes who wanted to attack the Muslims in Madina to finish off Islam once and for all, and by the Jews and the Christians in Madina who betrayed the Muslims in the "battle of Trench" after signing a defense treaty with Muhammad peace be upon him against the Pagans. 

 

All praise due to Allah Almighty.  With Allah's Will and Mercy, the Muslims had miraculously won the battle against the Pagans of Mecca and drove them back to where they came from, and then attacked the Jews and the Christians who betrayed the defense treaty and kicked those hypocrites out of Madina forever!

 

These continuous battles against the Muslims were very costly in terms of Muslim men's lives.  The women had to be taken care of one way or another.  For this reason, Allah Almighty had revealed the Noble Verse 4:3 to Muhammad peace be upon him to solve the social problems that the Muslims were facing.  That is why at the very beginning of the Noble Verse 4:3 we see Allah Almighty setting a conditional clause for Orphans "If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans...(4:3)."  This Noble Verse came down for the purpose of protecting the Orphans and to increase the number of the Muslims by allowing the men to marry multiple wives (preferably from the grown Orphans at that time), up to four wives only.  The purpose was absolutely not for man's sexual pleasure nor privilege, nor was it to support man's personal ego.  It was revealed to solve a major social problem to prevent major sins such as illegal sex and prostitution.

 

Polygamy is not encouraged in the Noble Quran, nor Allah Almighty had allowed it because He really liked it.  He was clearly careful to highly discourage polygamy to men by telling them "but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one...(4:3)" which clearly orders men to either be fair or to not marry at all, despite the fact that we lost many men, Allah Almighty still didn't want polygamy to really take place.  That's why He later told men "Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire...(4:129)" which clearly nullifies the excuse that He gave them to practice polygamy.  Is this a contradiction then?  Absolutely not!.  It clearly proves that when Allah Almighty allowed polygamy, He only allowed it because we (the Muslims) had an emergency; we lost almost half of our men if not even more.  When Islam later became much stronger and Muslims defeated the infidels in the continues battles that were forced upon them (the Muslims), Allah Almighty nullified the excuse that he gave to men to practice polygamy, which would then lead to prohibiting polygamy altogether...

 

Why didn't Allah Almighty then directly prohibit polygamy?

 

Because Islam is the most straight forward religion, and because Islam is truly a religion for all times and all places that doesn't need to be modified as some of the other religions in the world do (including Christianity).  Allah Almighty left the issue of polygamy open for Muslims in case Muslims face dilemmas in the future like the ones we faced during Islam's weak times by losing too many men.  In cases like this, Muslim scholars should look into allowing polygamy.  But until then, polygamy should be completely prohibited by the Muslim scholars according to the commands of Allah Almighty...

 

Why then did Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him practice polygamy?

 

Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him can be treated as an exceptional case.  The Noble Verses that I presented above clearly talked about men and women in general.   They apply to all men and all women.  Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him was a Messenger of GOD (filled with sympathy and mercy to people) and a leader for all Muslims.   He didn't practice polygamy for the sake of sexual pleasure at all.  Most of his wives were either widows (older than him in age too) or divorced women (also most of them were either older or same age).  Only one of his wives was a virgin, and he only married her because her father was his best friend.  He wanted to strengthen that relationship.  And it was her father who offered her to our Prophet peace be upon him anyway.

 

If our beloved Prophet peace be upon him really seeked sexual pleasure, then he would've married young virgins from the Muslims.  Back then, people loved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him so much, that they would literally do anything for him.  Certainly fathers would've given him their young virgin daughters if he wanted to.   Many people offered him their young virgin bosomed daughters anyway to raise their families' honor, but our Prophet never seeked that sexual privilege in life.

 

Because Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him was a smart political leader and a wonderful humble merciful true Messenger of Allah Almighty, he chose to marry the weak from his people to encourage the Muslim men to do the same; to create a balance in the Muslim society.  Again, another emergency case that existed during Islam's weak times that forced the Muslims (including Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him) to practice polygamy.

 

Can anyone be absolutely fair?

 

No one on this earth including Muhammad peace be upon him can be absolutely fair.  Our Prophet peace be upon him used to pray in one of his prayers to Allah Almighty by saying in Arabic "Allah humma innaka taalamu be anni aadiloo bima astatee', wa lakinnee la aadiloo bima la astatee'," which means in English "Dear Allah, you are well aware that I try to be just with all I can, but I can't be just with what I can't."  This prayer means that our Prophet always tried to be fair as much as possible, but he couldn't always do that.

 

One time, Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him said this prayer, because he used to love his wife Aisha (who was the youngest of his wives) the most, and he always feared that he would not be fair to the rest of his wives.  Muhammad peace be upon him recognized that he was only a human being, and he can not be fair especially in his feelings at all time.

 

This clearly proves that Islam highly discourages the marriage of multiple wives for (1) Because no one can be fair; (2) polygamy is only allowed when the male species is endangered in a society; and (3) The Noble Verse 4:3 orders us to marry only one wife if we feel that we will not be fair.

 

The Noble Verse that I presented above also clearly proves that no one can be absolutely fair; "Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, God is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.  (The Noble Quran, 4:129)"...

 

Conclusion:

 

Islam does not allow marriage of multiple wives for males' sexual privileges and desires as Anti-Islamics claim.  A normal man who makes enough money to keep him surviving in life can not provide a fair quality of life to all his wives, which means that he must not be allowed to marry multiple wives because he will only make his society worse.

 

Noble Verse 4:3 came to solve social problems.  Unfortunately today, some Muslims intensify the Muslim's social problems in the Islamic poor countries by marrying multiple wives and bringing more and more illiterate and poor kids into the society which on the long run will only keep their entire society below the level of poverty.  Therefore, Noble Verse 4:3 doesn't allow polygamy just for anyone or any reason and Noble Verse 4:129 certainly nullifies the excuse Allah Almighty gave to Muslim men to practice polygamy.   Therefore, unless we have social or personal dilemmas where too many Muslim men were lost, or there is problems with the wife toward her husband, then polygamy should not be allowed nor justified in my Islamic view.

 

And Allah Almighty knows best, and may He forgive me if I made any mistakes in this article.

 

"you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.answering-christianity(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/polygamy.htm"]Source[/url]

 

==============================

======================

 

 

I know this might be a little controversial but believe me I'm not here to debate. :D Just something one should ponder upon before being too quick to judge.

Edited by Muezza

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:D

 

what a shame women still have these backdated views its bad enough that the mens still do
Im with sister muslimah 100% people need to get with the times and stop trying to live 1500 years ago

 

God's laws are never "backdated". No one can force you into a polygamous marriage if you dont want to but dont attack polygamy.

 

We should watch what we say while we are speaking passionately or in anger

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:D

 

Polygamy was an ancient practice of the PAGANS, Allah restricited it and made it almost impossible by imposing an equal treatment law, which btw most men with more than one wife abuse.

 

Polygamy is not part of Islam, I don't know why there is so many people defending polygamy like it was something imposed by God. :D

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:D

 

We are not advocating polygamy we are just saying it is a part of Islam and people have the right to enter into such a marriage without having to feel they are engaging in something that is "out of date" or wrong

 

Your one of the many anons on tonight? :D

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as salamualikum

 

polygamy IS out of date. Wake up men dont take a second wife in order to take on more responsibility or to help out somone in need. Those who do it do it soley for physical pleasure. Dont tell me thast part of Islam. The Islamic polygamy was a restriction and a responisbility on men. These days it isnt the same.

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salam

 

i will let my husband marry again if this is something he wants. by the way the sisters who voted " i WONT let him" its not actually up to you. if he does it you can i guess give back your mahr and have a divorce, but you do not have the power to stop him.

 

also the pagans of arabia did not all have 100"s of wife. the is an overstatement, and it makes the rest of the arguments less worthy. stick with the facts girls if your gonna argue about it.

 

the shahaba practiced polygamy as well as our prophet.saw. and there are many muslims who practice polygamy, you might not see it openly in westen countries , but it does exist strongly, here and in arab/muslim countries.

 

masalam

A'isha

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as salamaulikum

 

you want to talk about a worthless arguement? ok.............

 

firstly i have news for u sister carla NO one on earth can actually make someone do or not do an action. No one can make you do something you dont want to do ...by saying we wouldnt let our husbands marry again it actually means we wont accept this decision not that we will tie them up until they agree not to marry again. I dont have the power to stop my husband marrying again but i DO have the poweer to divorce him should he feel the need to be a noble man and take " responsibility" for another wife......good luck to him if he wants the mahr back .........i already spent it lol!

 

The fact that its not practised " openly' as you say is probably a good thing its nothing to be proud of for any of the parties invovled.

 

And please dont lecture me on what went on in the prophets time i am well aware it......................many of the women he married were very old and sick he took care of them..........NOT why men today take another wife so lets not go there.today we have resources to help sisters like this without marrying them to our husbands.

Edited by maz83

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:D

Most Muslim men don't practice it  -- because they simply can't afford it but they would.  Men need a mentality change, they need to stop viewing women like lifeless objects. Women are not cars, if the first one is not good enough then get another one.  No, it doesn't work like that.  We're people just like men, we get hurt, jealous, and angry when our spouse has eyes for another person.  Wouldn't you?

aslam w alikum,

i,m starting to find you very offensive, may i remind you the brothers on this forum are not like that, we are not like the kufar or fasiq men!, dont forget we have mothers and sisters and we know we are accountable to Allah for our intentions. so remember that before you start degrading us.

 

Allah swt allowed slavery, should we practice slavery now?

so me where in the quran Allah says get your self a slave?

i do no Allah said marry x amount of wives but if you fear injustice marry 1,

not every male is static in characterisitc

 

please sister just cos your father got married in a certain way dont mean you can take that on other males, were not all like that, i.m sure the brothers if they wanted to take another wife would let the first wife know before hand, just like the sahaba Ali (ra) did (although he didnt goahead).

 

:D sis carla/A'isha, you certainly are an open minded person. i think we can learn alot from your statement,

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many of the women he married were very old and sick he took care of them..........NOT why men today take another wife so lets not go there.today we have resources to help sisters like this without marrying them to our husbands.

who told you they were very sick and old????? i would like your sources for this,

one wife does not get jealous over a sick and old wife,

like the incident that occured which lead to the revealation of sura 88.

althouh i am aware some were the widows some mujahideen that died in battle.

 

 

p.s regarding the slavery thing, no its not over. whereever there is war and the enemies take our women and children we too have the right to take their women as concubines

Edited by slave

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:D sis carla/A'isha, you certainly are an open minded person. i think we can learn alot from your statement,

 

 

of course you would say that you are a muslim and a man it would be unnatural to expect you to think otherwise. Typical.

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:D,

I dont think I would be so thrilled about it, but yes I would, as it is allowed in Islam and I will not go against anything that is allowed in Islam. :D

:D

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:D

 

I think it was only his second wife Sawda r.a. and his first wife Khadija r.a. who were older than him, and I believe none were sick. All of them were widows I think except for A'isha r.a. and Zainab bint Jahsh who was divorced....... :D

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:D

 

some of the comments are just :D

 

sQ == "..younger and prettier than me.." :laugh:

 

sunshinez == "..divorce me.." :ohmy:

 

sparklazz == "..jealous.." :biggrin:

 

:D

 

very interesting thread

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aslaam alykum,

 

wud neva have more than one wife at one time, i just find it a bit........... u knw wot im tlking bout??? :tongue: :D

 

wa alykum aslaam

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:D

sQ == "..younger and prettier than me.."  :laugh:

 

 

:D

 

Well, ya I don't wanna be dumped for something better like I'm a car or something. I got feelings too.

 

Anyways I would say women are less jealous than men, what man would agree to share his wife?

Edited by sis Qassab

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