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Would You Let Your Husband Marry Again?

Would you let your husband marry another woman while he is married to you or would you marry a brother who is already has one or more wives?  

130 members have voted

  1. 1. Would you let your husband marry another woman while he is married to you or would you marry a brother who is already has one or more wives?

    • I would let him marry again
      32
    • I wouldn't let him marry again
      63
    • I would marry a brother who already has only 1 wife
      5
    • I would marry a brother who already has only 2 wives
      0
    • I would marry a brother who already has 3 wives
      5
    • I have no clue
      24


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:D

ya thats for people who deal unjustly with their wives, ok if i were to have two wives than it would be to help the other sister out, like if she was divorced, widowed, or like no family or anybody was helping her out then i would no matter how old. I dont say unattractive because i dont look at their looks i look at their piety :D and "May Allah (S.A.T) keep me like that :D"

:D

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WTH..?!

 

I'm sorry but this is a stupid topic, why ask ''Would You Let Your Husband Marry Again?'' if the wife obviously has no say in it? And when she does speak her mind, she's labelled as a 'hypocrite' who's forbidding her husband to do something Allah(swt) had made halal.

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WTH..?!

 

I'm sorry but this is a stupid topic, why ask ''Would You Let Your Husband Marry Again?'' if the wife obviously has no say in it? And when she does speak her mind, she's labelled as a 'hypocrite' who's forbidding her husband to do something Allah(swt) had made halal.

 

Asalamu Alaykum

 

:D no one is saying you can't say 'no' but it is the way some of the sisters have phrased their sentences that comes across as being disobident to Allah (swt) command. One can not just make up something to suit them and state that polygamy is haraam and ancient :D

 

no need to stress sister....

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Yeah, I know Crystal Eyes.. I also was shocked to see someone saying that it was outdated? I've heard the same excuse being used by 'Muslim sisters' not wanting to wear the hijab, 'But we live in the West now.. things are different here blah blah'.

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:D

But then r some who climbing the feminist bandwagon.... in the process denying what Quran says.
i so hate that feminist garbage, which breaks down soical structure! :D

 

and the sister who keeps arguing with me needs to lay back! get some councelling sis or somin,

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Asalamu Alaykum

 

Yeah it is sad when i hear that :D May Allah (swt) guide his slaves to the straight path.

 

 

Two things stop the brothers from marrying another sister....apparanetly the majority of sisters nag and whine (i'm part of the minority :D ) and money...female like to spend money and unless the brothers turn out to be some sort of genius then they ain't going to get rich....well 99% of them anyways...Allah (swt) knows best.

 

dreams are always brilliant....but hardly ever come true. :D

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:D

 

:D ! what did I just read! :D I urge you sisters to please never say something is not part of Islam simply because it doesn't appeal to you. A Muslim man can marry up to four women, that is what it says in the Qur'an, it is not outdated, there is no such thing in Islam it is for all time and ages.

 

As sis Qassab already posted the ayat I would like to repost it:

 

4:3. And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan­ girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.

 

As you can see there is an "if" they have to be able to deal with all of them justly and equally in every respect other than matters of the heart, then yes because otherwise Allah (SWT) will judge him for every wrong step.

 

Having said that, I do find that there are not many men who can achieve that, I've seen cases that work, but so many others that exceed the former didn't work. As a woman, I would not like to share my husband, but if my husband can provide what the ayat says then no I wouldn't mind.

 

:D

Edited by Zeinab

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:D

 

Firstly, slave, no one is arguing with you, it is just that you're perhaps overly sensitive, you can't take it like a man. And I really think you need to go to the counselling room yourself. For the sisters who say polygamy isn't ancient :D oh, so was it invented recently eh? It is ancient, and it's gradually dying, whether you like or not. I wonder why Muslim women are so oppressed, because we got so many insecure, brainless duds for women.

 

Are any of you slave-owners, eh? Speak up.

 

Anyway, like slavery, polygamy will die because it is impractical, Allah swt said that you must be fair to your wives, but you know you cannot be fair to them no matter how hard you try. If one wife is better in terms of looks and personality then you can't help yourself but favor that one better. The other wife would feel jealous, hurt, and worthless. Of course Allah is fair, Allah doesn't seek to put women in those situations, but also (from what I've read) Allah did not order an end to polygamy because that would have caused a lot of social problems during that time. Instead, He allowed it but on two conditions: 1. You could only marry up to four and 2. You have to treat them EQUALLY. And let's face it people, most men in polygamous marraiges have abused the latter restricition so much, yet nobody speaks out against it, and the first wives and their children are the vicitims. See, Allah has made it impossible and soon, as He had probably planned it, polygamy will go away because we will find no use for it (insha'Allah) unless you people want a decrease in the male population, there is no need for you to be offended.

 

Also, when a woman speaks against the deplorable conditions that Muslim women are in, she's immediately accused of being a radical feminist by these men. Well, I like the term, so call me a feminst all you want, I'll keep speaking my mind, whether you like it or not "slave."

 

And to abu suhayla, there is really no need to respond to your post since it is just platitudes, eh? And how easily the word kufr rolls off your tongue... tsk tsk tsk.

Edited by Muslimah180

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:D

 

Question for everyone, what if your father decides to take a second wife, or your sister's husband does, how would you feel?

 

And tell us your true sentiments.

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:D

 

I would hate it sis.......the thought of it makes me kinda sick...... :D

 

:D

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:D

 

Question for everyone, what if your father decides to take a second wife, or your sister's husband does, how would you feel?

 

And tell us your true sentiments.

 

 

:D

 

As my dad is now then no, I wouldn't like it. If he was more Islamic then I wouldn't mind. My sister's husband, well isn't it better to be a co-wife of a man of good character, than an only wife of a man with bad character?

 

Also there is Islam and people's implementation of Islam. In Iran this guy tried to get away with having two wives in the same house. The case came before a judge (it was on TV btw) and he ordered the man to get another house.

 

:D

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but also (from what I've read) Allah did not order an end to  polygamy because that would have caused a lot of social problems during that time.

 

:D whr did u read that?

 

 

Instead, He allowed it but on two conditions: 1. You could only marry up to four and 2. You have to treat them EQUALLY. And let's face it people, most men in polygamous marraiges have abused the latter restricition so much, yet nobody speaks out against it, and the first wives and their children are the vicitims. 

 

Bcoz most ppl abuse the 2nd restriction doesn't mean that everyone will. There r many polygomous marraiges whr the wife is abused. So should ppl stop marrying now.

 

See, Allah has made it impossible and soon, as He had probably planned it, polygamy will go away because we will find no use for it  (insha'Allah) unless you people want a decrease in the male population, there is no need for you to be offended.

 

Your theory is flawed.

 

Sahi Bukhari

Volume 8, Book 82, Number 800i:

Narrated Anas:

 

I will narrate to you a narration which nobody will narrate to you after me. I heard that form the Prophet. I heard the Prophet saying, "The Hour sill not be established" or said: "From among the portents of the Hour is that the religious knowledge will betaken away (by the death of religious Scholars) and general ignorance (of religion) will appear; and the drinking of alcoholic drinks will be very common, and (open) illegal sexual intercourse will prevail, and men will decrease in number while women will increase so much so that, for fifty women there will only be one man to look after them."

 

well if u look at above hadith, u will see that women population will increase... so as time goes by polygamy will not b just an option but will become a neccesity

 

 

:D

 

Question for everyone, what if your father decides to take a second wife, or your sister's husband does, how would you feel?

 

And tell us your true sentiments.

 

Yes... i will support them.

 

My mom will support my dad too, he's not committing a sin or doing something haram.

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For the sisters who say polygamy isn't ancient :D oh, so was it invented recently eh?

 

[DO NOT CHANGE COLORblue]No polygamy was not invented recently. That does not mean its not a part of Islam. Islam does not change, people change.

 

It is ancient, and it's gradually dying, whether you like or not.  I wonder why Muslim women are so oppressed, because we got so many insecure, brainless duds for women.

first of all sis you don't speak for all of us. and second just because i agree with an aspect of Islam makes me neither brainless, insecure, nor a dud.  and Islam most certainly does not make me oppressed. There mere fact that you've had a disagreement does not mean you should resort to name calling.

 

 

Also, when a woman speaks against the deplorable conditions that Muslim women are in, she's immediately accused of being a radical feminist by these men. Well, I like the term, so call me a feminst all you want, I'll keep speaking my mind, whether you like it or not "slave."

 

and yet if a one decides to agree to part of Islam, they're brainless oppressed duds?

 

 

 

:D

 

Question for everyone, what if your father decides to take a second wife, or your sister's husband does, how would you feel?

 

And tell us your true sentiments.

 

my father does have a second wife. like i said in my previouse post, i didn't like it at first but i've come to terms with it.

Edited by *Muslima*

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:D

 

this is beginning to become a really heated discussion. :D

 

Sis Muslimah 180, take a deep breath, and CALM DOWN. i understand that you're very passionate about this discussion, but think before you speak, some of your posts are getting a bit harsh.

 

I wonder why Muslim women are so oppressed, because we got so many insecure, brainless duds for women.

 

i dont think its fair for you to say that some muslim women are "insecure, brainless duds." and i seriously doubt that any of them are oppressed as a result of polygamy. Please dont generalize muslim women! just because someone has a different view on something, doesnt make them a insecure, brainless dud.

 

Are any of you slave-owners, eh? Speak up.

 

just because something is not practised as often, doesnt make it wrong.

 

Anyway, like slavery, polygamy will die because it is impractical

 

i dont think any of us have a right to decide whether or not something that Allah has allowed for muslim men as impractical or not.

 

Allah swt said that you must be fair to your wives, but you know you cannot be fair to them no matter how hard you try. If one wife is better in terms of looks and personality then you can't help yourself but favor that one better. The other wife would feel jealous, hurt, and worthless. 

 

this is very true, but its human nature. if the male's intention is treat both wives equally, and he ends up favouring one over the other, i dont think its their fault. like i said before, its human nature. i can see why it would be better to just not get yourself involved in a polygamous relationship at all, but some brothers may want this, and its not fair to judge them for attempting to be fair, but not quite succeeding.

 

Also, when a woman speaks against the deplorable conditions that Muslim women are in, she's immediately accused of being a radical feminist by these men.

 

i agree with you. i dont think it is fair for a woman to be called a feminist for expressing their opinion. this is why all of us are different, and this is what makes these kinds of discussions so interesting. ppl shouldn't brand a woman a "radical feminist" just for speaking her mind!

 

And to abu suhayla, there is really no need to respond to your post since it is just platitudes, eh? And how easily the word kufr rolls off your tongue... tsk tsk tsk.

 

sis, thats harsh. i think brother abu_suhaylah contributed some valuable information.

 

dont get me wrong though, i still would never want to be in a polygamous relationship, but some may want to, and if so, thats their choice, not mine. :smile:

Edited by Afghan_Hijabi

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ppl should brand a woman a "radical feminist" just for speaking her mind!

 

i think u made a typo.. did u mean to say 'ppl should NOT brand a woman..........

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as-salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

 

Mashallah we have such sisters with so much passion!! And you know what? we do need this passion and energy and strength but we need it directed in a way to help each other.

 

Alhamdulillah for all the sisters who are raised by their parents and learning that they have rights in Islam and that we are equal to men in the eyes of Allah. Alhamdulillah for all of us who are not raised with a father who would beat his wife and children. Alhamdulillah for all of us who are not blackmailed, pressured and beaten into marrying a person whom we do not want to marry. Alhamdulillah for us women who are abused by our husbands and are able to have a family who will support us and accept us if we have to seek a divorce. Alhamdulillah for us women who are also able to seek the advice of our Imams who will actively work to improve our marriages or help us attain a divorce in the event it is not able to work--instead of only saying , "have patience, make dua'as". Alhamdulillah that abused sisters also have strong sisters who will help them.

 

there is so much more than just blaming women for oppression. It can be the culture of a community, or even just the culture of a family who teaches both the boys and girls from a young age that it is acceptable to ignore the teachings of the Qur'an and ignore all the hadiths that show how our Muslim sisters had a voice during the time of Prophet Muhammad (salallahu aleyhi wa salaam) and oppress women. We as strong women also need to teach our sons and raise them to be leaders who will help condemn other men who abuse women. We need more Imams who will not ignore the cry for help form our sisters. And we need more of our strong sisters to be active in teaching other sisters their rights and encourage them to find their strength to stand up for themselves with lots of patience (because for some women, it will never happen and for others it may take a long time before they are strong enough) and not oppress them even more with our words.

 

with so many women that I meet that are being abused by their husbands or divorced with children and with me being so fortunate to Mashallah Alhamdulillah have such a good husband, I do sometimes think that later on my husband should marry another woman so that she may get to experience a marriage with respect and Islam.

 

...but he was shocked when I discussed this with him and he said "no way, only one is enough for me!!"

 

polygamy does not equal oppression. A woman could be the only wife of a man and still be denied her rights.

 

fi aman Allah,

 

Ameera

Edited by Ameeraana

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asalamualaykum,

interesting poll. i voted no for now. i don't know if i would ever marry again but it would depend on the husband and his character. i don't want to generalize but i dont have a husband to base my opinion on :smile:

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:D

 

oh, so was it invented recently eh? It is ancient, and it's gradually dying, whether you like or not. I wonder why Muslim women are so oppressed, because we got so many insecure, brainless duds for women.

 

Polygamy is not new concept true, it doesn’t matter if it was dying out or not, what matter that it remains a man’s right in Islam to marry four women. No one here is a brainless dud sister and again please refrain from insults.

 

Are any of you slave-owners, eh? Speak up.

 

Slaves? What does that have to do with slaves, slavery was not given an immediate no since it would have caused chaos in society, but no more can you have a slave nowadays. Polygamy is not equal to slavery.

 

Anyway, like slavery, polygamy will die because it is impractical, Allah swt said that you must be fair to your wives, but you know you cannot be fair to them no matter how hard you try.

 

Sis, someone put the hadeeth for you, no it is out of the question anymore. Yes, if he can’t be fair then he shouldn’t marry for Allah (SWT) will punish him for that.

 

See, Allah has made it impossible and soon, as He had probably planned it, polygamy will go away because we will find no use for it (insha'Allah) unless you people want a decrease in the male population, there is no need for you to be offended.

 

Sis, there is a difference between what Allah (SWT) reveled and if it is implemented or not, if the law doesn’t stand up that first wife is mistreated then that is the law’s fault.

 

Also, when a woman speaks against the deplorable conditions that Muslim women are in, she's immediately accused of being a radical feminist by these men. Well, I like the term, so call me a feminst all you want, I'll keep speaking my mind, whether you like it or not "slave."

 

Again you are confusing two different things, you are allowed to speak against any injustice and misapplication of the rights Allah (SWT) gave you. Then there is a difference between that and saying polygamy is not part of Islam, when it is.

 

If I ask my brother will you marry a second wife, he would say one is enough, for it is hard enough to be fair to one woman. Most men don’t marry a second wife, etc. It is not the norm and if the man is not fair then there should be a law he is subjected to for him to be fair.

 

But that remains he can marry more than one wife, he can be fair, instead of saying it is outdated and dying out why not fight for making a fair laws that applies the rights of women given by Islam.

 

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Whosoever had two wives and treats one of them more favorably than the other will come on the Day of Judgment bent to one side.�(Reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, An-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah)

 

 

One last thing, I ask all of you to be calm

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:D

 

Firstly, slave, no one is arguing with you, it is just that you're perhaps overly sensitive, you can't take it like a man.

wa alikum salam,

you think you know alot about men dont ya? unless your a man yourself dear you simple dont!

For the sisters who say polygamy isn't ancient blink.gif oh, so was it invented recently eh? It is ancient, and it's gradually dying, whether you like or not. I wonder why Muslim women are so oppressed, because we got so many insecure, brainless duds for women.
i;d be carefull of the comments you make towards muslim women espically those who are loyal to Allah, slander is a very big crime in Islam, may Allah pardon you.

 

Anyway, like slavery, polygamy will die because it is impractical

slavery is not dead dont be so naive.

 

Allah swt said that you must be fair to your wives, but you know you cannot be fair to them no matter how hard you try.

thats what you may have experiance thus you assume ALL men are like this. if parents can justly love and treat there multiple offsprings i dont see why a man couldnt do this with multiple wives. the prophet did this, some of his companions did so too.

 

If one wife is better in terms of looks and personality then you can't help yourself but favor that one better

as long as you treat them all justly and do not mention such favouratism thoughts all is well. just like a mother may have her favourate child but doesnt utter it so as to prevent jealousy.

 

The other wife would feel jealous, hurt, and worthless.

only if you let your self be. how does a man make you feel worthless? dont forget your place, you are a slave of Allah therfore you have a worth!

 

You have to treat them EQUALLY
is the word equal or JUST there is a big diffrence between the two words, show me the arabic word.

 

polygamy will go away because we will find no use for it (insha'Allah)
maybe you have just ingnored the post by brother ahm,

what happens to those divorced women? do they continue their lives alone?

 

Question for everyone, what if your father decides to take a second wife, or your sister's husband does, how would you feel?

 

And tell us your true sentiments.

 

my grandfather has taken 3 wives, he divorced the 3rd due reasons of compatabiltiy.

the 2 wives he has now are treated fairly and there is no rifts between my uncles and my step uncles. although some jealousy is preasent bettween the wife i can tell you that.

 

as for my father well its the same as brother ahm, if he was a strict muslim i wouldnt have a problem.

 

hey is it not better then what some fasiks and kufars do behind the backs of their wives?

 

 

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Whosoever had two wives and treats one of them more favorably than the other will come on the Day of Judgment bent to one side.�(Reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, An-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah)

 

 

:D zeinab for providing this hadeeth

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:D

 

A remainder to all:

 

Please hold on your patience! In the end we are all brothers and sisters and we should not attack each other. :smile:

 

:D

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salaams

 

sis muslimah180 the reason why polygamy at stages duiring these times is actually good becuase it is a sign of qiyaamah that the women population will increase. there will be for a ratio of one man to fifty women. anyways the reasons our prophet (saw) also said to the men to get married to more than one was because of the wifes of the martyrs having been widowed they would need some sort of help. also the fact that the prophet also got married to more than one wife makes the practice a sunnah (if the man treats them equally) so stop degrading it. and anyways if the women of our time weren't so selfish and wern't so naive then it would actually make it easeir for the men to actually adopt this policy. i know a few people whop have two wifes, the family is good in all conditions and disputes between the wives is rarely found becuase they know the Islamic terms of how to live a life. there were disputes at times between the wives of the prophet (saw) since they had two groups also but that didn't mean they never had respect for each other. they did come to terms and accepted one another. if we could do the same then believe it or not polygamy would actually work pretty well.

 

and if our prophet (saw)did something and Allah himself has told us something that the men can do, the practice won't ware off so easily either cause there is always one person who still practices the sunnah of the prophet until the time where there will be no one to say the kalima left on the earth.

 

and the fact that women have no say in the man get married second time, actually we do. if the wife disagrees then the man is not allowed unless he can make his first wife agree.

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wa alaykum salam

 

Firstly, slave, no one is arguing with you, it is just that you're perhaps overly sensitive, you can't take it like a man. 

 

Do you not have respect for your fellow brother? disagree with him but don't make him inferior to you....la ukht! :D

 

 

 

For the sisters who say polygamy isn't ancient :D oh, so was it invented recently eh? It is ancient, and it's gradually dying, whether you like or not.  I wonder why Muslim women are so oppressed, because we got so many insecure, brainless duds for women.

 

oppressed? so would you say because i choose to wear hiab i am oppressed? (rhetorical question)...Islam allows brothers to marry up to 4 wives...but because the laws are so hard to meet it is very very difficult for a brother to actually go into a polygamy marriage...if you disagree with it fine...tell your husband before you marry him....don't go around insulting and making a mockery of yourself.

 

fear thy lord oh believers

 

 

Are any of you slave-owners, eh? Speak up.

 

slavery was abolished....

 

 

 

Allah swt said that you must be fair to your wives,

 

exactly...if you feel your husband is not being fair...divorce him (shock horror)

 

 

 

Also, when a woman speaks against the deplorable conditions that Muslim women are in, she's immediately accused of being a radical feminist by these men. Well, I like the term, so call me a feminst all you want, I'll keep speaking my mind, whether you like it or not "slave."

 

no it is how you phrase your sentences that make it offensive...you imply bitterness and resentment merely because everyone does not follow your ideology.

 

 

And to abu suhayla, there is really no need to respond to your post since it is just platitudes, eh?  And how easily the word kufr rolls off your tongue... tsk tsk tsk.

 

astagfurillah...i suggest you watch your mouth...acussing others of what you have little knowledge upon. Sister i can tolerate your posts and be patient but others can't so think before posting....fear your creator...in the day of judgement your mouth and hands shall testify.

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Guest amani
:D

 

Question for everyone, what if your father decides to take a second wife, or your sister's husband does, how would you feel?

 

And tell us your true sentiments.

 

 

:D

 

cant see either happenign

 

and if it did, then who am i to protest? what Allah has given them the right to do..how can i go saying no?

whether we like it or not, we cant says it ancient and haram as nothing that was revealed to Muhammed SAW should be considered `ancient` and not mix with the time of so called `modernization` and westernization`

 

4 wives to one man is still practised a lot :smile:

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:D

 

Ermm...I would 'let' him marry again..not that my permission mattered though. :D But seriously, if he could have 2, 3, or 4 wives and treat us equally, I'm not gonna fuss over it. But if he treats me un-equally and my parents/brothers are around, I'll go home until he's ready to fulfill his duty. :D

 

About the jealousy thing...thats a natural feeling. Didn't Sayyida Aysha (Radiallahu anha) feel jealous at times? :smile:

 

And sis Muslimah180, if my father were to do something like that I really wouldn't be mad or anything at him, cuz I know he respects my mom and wouldn't treat her in a way thats against the Sunnah. :smile:

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