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Farouk1986

I Think I Feel Lonely

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Assalamu Alaykum brothers and sisters,

 

I have several dilemmas i want to get out of and this has made me lonely. As i intent to write a lot, i suggest for anyone who gets board of my long desperate talk to just read the bit they can and advise me even it is just a sentence. I will find it very beneficail and comforting to get help from muslim brothers and sisters.

 

Firstly i will start with a bit of my background and then the dilemmas. I am a boarding student in a school with few muslims. For some years now, i hav been doing some da'wah, mainly enjoining good and forbiding evil, and jihadinnafs, trying to become closer to Allah. But i have been facing several problems.

 

First of all, i have no friend. Not because i do not socialise, etc but because either people do not want to get too close to me as they go partying and stuff while i dont, or they are bad people who befriend me and influence me to do bad things. Hence i am in a situation where i do not have a friend, i have no one to speak too, no one to consult, no one to support me and i feel depressed and lonely. i do not know what to do.

 

And then i think this loneliness leads me to other problems. As i get lonely, the natural sexual drive awakens and i struggle to control it, sometimes leading to minor sinful activities like not lowering the gaze.

 

And this problem makes me want to get married to avoid getting aroused. The Prophet (S) advised young men to fast if they cant get married but it has not been helping me much and i seriously dont want to wait for years before i get married. But i am only 18, (just going to university, insha Allah in London or California). i have not started searching for prospective partners because It would be difficult for me to get married due to social norms of getting to the late 20's when one has a degree, a job, a house, etc before getting married, plus parents are relunctunt to give their daughters in marriage to an 18 year old and sisters are also not normally willing to marry an 18 year old. Anyway alhamdulillah my parents i know could help me financially should i get married, even though i think they are also not going to be in favour of early marriage.

 

The last thing i want to talk about is my dilemma between liberalism and extremism. The Prpphet (S) said religion is easy and anyone who tries to overburden themselves will find it hard and will not be able to continue. So anytime i relax, i deviate sometimes and then when i strive hard, i get tired of what i am doing i.e. memorising the quran, etc. How should one put the balance right?

 

Thank you for anyone whoo reaches this stage of reading my problem. May Allah reward you for reading and reward you more for helping. Ameen

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PropellerAds

asalamu alaikum

 

hmm, this kinda was me some time ago... but now, im waaaay past it... took some courage too and plenty of sleepless nights with tears for all the wrong reasons...

 

wana get personal with this bro, some brother to brother stuff... i can help ya out... hit me on msn if ya want... adds on my profile... i could write it all on here but that would mean me having to open up too infront of all these folks and i wanting to do that...

 

your call.. im here

 

btw, i turned 18 recently so you wont get all old lecture sorta stuff dont worry... i wonder how it feels to feel like this at 18, 16 was bad enough...! insha Allah you'll get through it bro coming out with the better hand...

 

EDIT: typos

Edited by D-ZiNeR

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May Allah help you brother...

 

but most of the times i find myself insame situation....

 

we can seek consel through ulema i suppose...

 

 

islamqa(contact admin if its a beneficial link)

askimam(contact admin if its a beneficial link)

 

may Allah help us

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:D

 

sorry to hear that you're going through this bro. i never like hearing about anybody in pain. :D about you wanting to get married, why not? :D dont worry about what ignorant ppl think. it is half of your iman, and like you said, it will help prevent you from sinning.

 

you said you dont have even one friend. r u absolutely positive? (btw, my heart goes out to you for being as strong as you have in the situation you are in.) could you try talking to a cousin or a really close family member? I find it much more comforting to talk to my closest cousin sometimes than a friend from school.

 

I really hope that everything works out for you bro. this is a test from Allah, and with every hardship comes relief.

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:D

 

the major problem here is you said yourself you have no close person to hold onto, to get support from, click on my name on the top right and add me on msn messenger and we can talk if you wish, if you do not have that much access to the internet please do email me.

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Salaam

 

Wow brother you sound so educated mash Allah. Allah will reward you.

 

You know a lot of hadith as it seems from your posts.

 

Any way what I really wanted to say is why not just calm down a bit of talking about religion to people. I mean it does get boring to some people always having to hear what is right and wrong.

Relax the talks about Islam with them and the people who are OK socialise with them as long as it does not go against Islam. This way you will earn some friends for your self and of course maybe introduce Islam ONLY time when you feel it is ok with them.

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Assalamu Alaykum brothers and sisters,

 

this is my feedback from your responses

 

Thank you very much for the help and support i got. I really appreciate it. Sometimes, a word of advice might seem nothing to the one who gives it, but it means a lot for the one who gets it.

 

I think from your advice, thinking about the situation and reading around, i have benefited a lot from the situation. Thank you brother D-Ziner and Lateralus for inviting me to chat with them on MSN so that i don't feel very lonely. I couln't add your names by clicking on it because i'm just a junior member. Anyway my MSN address is umarm21[at]hotmail(contact admin if its a beneficial link) . Insha Allah if you add me or i add you guys when i get your address, and then have a chat with you guys.

 

'Sister in Islam' thank you for the comments. You suggested that i shouldn't talk about right and wrong all the time because it gets boring. I agree with you. But i would just like you to know that i joke, i laugh, i talk, i socialise with everybody around me without trying to get out of limits. But then as i'm sure you know, there's more to life than laughs, jokes, fun and so on. Sometimes one just wants to have more meaningful discussions with good muslims, get support and encouragement,especially when one stands out alone.

 

Again i thank all of you for your help and support. It felt so good to have muslims giving me advice, supporting me. I really appreciate it. May Allah reward you for it. Ameen

 

Ma'assalam

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Assalamu Alaykum,

 

When i first submitted this post, i made a comment which i feel i have to take back.

 

The prophet (S) said young people should get married and if they can't get married, they should fast. I said fasting hasn't helped me much. Astagafirillah, now i have to take my word back.

 

To say the truth, i never understood how fasting could be a substitute before one gets married and i have to admit, i didn't actually believe fasting could be a substitute. Even though i fast, like on mondays and thursdays, i never did one based on the advice of the prophet (S).

 

But then, Allah is great. Just yesterday, when i fasted, i believe i realised the wisdom behind the prophet 's(S) saying. I felt a certain devotion to Allah that made me focus on doing what i wanted to do. I felt a shield that prevented evil thoughts coming into my head. I felt closer to Allah. I think the lack of food is what promoted all this. The need for food in the body is greater than the need on anything else, including all other desires that Allah gave us. So without this food, one is more likely to think only about Allah and food for the whole day.

 

I don't know how to explain better what i felt yesterday and what i realised.

 

A lesson i learned from this is, how much we believe in something will determine how much it will help us. And because Allah is great, sometimes we do not really believe in something because we do not understand it, but out of his mercy, Allah sometimes helps us out.

 

Ma'assalam

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:D

 

brother, even though everyone has written what i had to say, and you added that clever last post, i thought i'd add these two ayaat....

 

You do have a friend always there! Never feel that you are alone....for Allah is the light of the heavens and the earth, He is the cure when there is an illness, He is the guide when all is lost, and He is the Merciful with His servants. Remember:

 

Thy Guardian-Lord hath not forsaken thee, nor is He displeased. (93:3)

 

When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way. (2:186)

 

 

 

:D

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:D

 

brother, even though everyone has written what i had to say, and you added that clever last post,  i thought i'd add these two ayaat....

 

You do have a friend always there! Never feel that you are alone....for Allah is the light of the heavens and the earth, He is the cure when there is an illness, He is the guide when all is lost, and He is the Merciful with His servants. Remember:

 

Thy Guardian-Lord hath not forsaken thee, nor is He displeased. (93:3)

 

When My servants ask thee concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way. (2:186)

:D

 

 

(This is Farouk) :D

My God, you made me almost cry sister. Thanks for the lovely words. The first one was referring to our beloved prophet when he received his first revelation (Iqra...), then he didn't receive any divine revalation for 6 months some scholars say. Then surat duha was revealed, which included your first verse, Allah assuring our beloved prophet that he had not been forsaken...

 

The waiting period b4 suratul duha made our beloved prophet (S) realise how much he needed the divine revalation, how life became miserable for him without it, for what did he have to live for?

 

The second verse was wonderful. A lot of times something is out there but it justs needs be put on the spotlight.

 

Again thanks sister, i really loved your words.

 

Ma'assalam

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:D

 

Hang in, Victory comes only from Allah (SWT)

:biggrin:

 

 

Assalamu Alaykum,

 

Thanks brother Crystal. :biggrin: Your dashing horse in broil and battle, and your encouraging words of wisdom gives us hope, all over IF. Let's hope we see the man in armour come down the horse and we hear more from you.

 

Ma'assalam :biggrin:

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Assalamu Alaikum brother Farouk

 

Just hang on in there, InshAllah you will get there in the end.

 

I'll keep you all in my Dua's..

 

Walaikum Assalam

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Assalamu Alaykum sister,

 

^^^Its thanks greatly to you that i've settled down in IF. u've been consistently there. And thanks to others too, D-Ziner who took time to chat with me, Afghan Hijabi's words were lovely, Batoota's was wonderful and all the rest!

 

I love you all in the spirit of brotherhood and sisterhood in Islam :D

 

Ma'assalam (2 more posts to full membership insha Allah- great :biggrin: )

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:D

 

It's so refreshing to see that so many muslims are here to help one another through difficult paths of life. Brother, Glad to see that you have recieved comfort here.

 

 

:D

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:D

sorrry i replied a bit late..just wanted to emphasize...at times we may feel alone...this life is a test from Allah :D...a test for submission to the Akhira...pass this test with success and you are in the akhira....Maybe this was your test from your LORD...maybe not....you will always have Allah swt there....you have to be good in regards to other things as welll...also bear in mind that there are people out there in this world that are suffering more than you...i do not intend to sadden you with these words...just make you realise...we all SUFFER one day...its how we OVERCOME this sufferig that is important

:D

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Assalamu Alaykum to you all,

 

Again, thanks a lot to all you contributed. I have benefited alot from you in this forum. I'm fine and okay. I think now, thanks to Allah, with is help, guidance and support, everything is in control.

 

Ma'assalam

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salaam brother, im glad u say u feel better and stronger......

just want to add how i sometimes have similar problem- coz im living in non-muslim country, and ppl are unable to understand that i have chosen Islam for my way of life.....

im afraid of being lonely a bit, although i know Allah is always with me, but sometimes we just need some human support.....

thats why im socializing quite a lot, but it gives me very little pleasure. i mean, im not doing anything forbidden, but when im talking to my friends, its all nice- but i feel i want something more, a deeper friendship. how can i really enjoy being with people to whom i cannot express my feelings? they know im muslim, but i see how they dont understand, and i just cant bother them with that.....

thats why sometimes im angry on myself a bit- i want myself to be more open muslim, to speak about Islam whenever i think about it.

but then again, im not a type of person to force others to believe what i believe in......it wouldnt be very successful also......

so im trying to have a nice time with them, but then come here on IF and say whatever i want.........its great coz i understand most ppl here better then my friends often......

also i keep myself in dreams a bit- always imagining all that i dont have here.

and, surprisingly, life is really great pleasure to me, more than to most ppl around me.....

they are all much more depressed and things like that.......then i start understanding how privilleged i am in a way, as being a muslim :smile:

now im all so happy, i guess coz of all those beautiful posts from bros and sisters....

this is a really nice place to talk to people..... :smile:

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salaam brother, im glad u say u feel better and stronger......

just want to add how i sometimes have similar problem- coz im living in non-muslim country, and ppl are unable to understand that i have chosen Islam for my way of life.....

im afraid of being lonely a bit, although i know Allah is always with me, but sometimes we just need some human support.....

thats why im socializing quite a lot, but it gives me very little pleasure. i mean, im not doing anything forbidden, but when im talking to my friends, its all nice- but i feel i want something more, a deeper friendship. how can i really enjoy being with people to whom i cannot express my feelings? they know im muslim, but i see how they dont understand, and i just cant bother them with that.....

thats why sometimes im angry on myself a bit- i want myself to be more open muslim, to speak about Islam whenever i think about it.

but then again, im not a type of person to force others to believe what i believe in......it wouldnt be very successful also......

so im trying to have a nice time with them, but then come here on IF and say whatever i want.........its great coz i understand most ppl here better then my friends often......

also i keep myself in dreams a bit- always imagining all that i dont have here.

and, surprisingly, life is really great pleasure to me, more than to most ppl around me.....

they are all much more depressed and things like that.......then i start understanding how privilleged i am in a way, as being a muslim :smile:

now im all so happy, i guess coz of all those beautiful posts from bros and sisters....

this is a really nice place to talk to people..... :smile:

 

Assalamu Alaykum

 

Thanks sister for taking the time to give me some support. From your post, you seem to understand my situation, looking for just that deeper friendship and talking about things i want to talk about with the appropriate people.

 

I also indulge in my little fantasy world atimes.

 

Thanks and ma'assalam :biggrin:

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:D

 

as sunshinez has said above, really be careful with fantasies, even small ones, the mind imagines what it does not have, there is no need to imagine you have all the friends you need right here!

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:D

 

yes :D for agreeing Bro Lat :smile:

 

world for fantasies sometimes can hurt you badly. and im talking from expereince bro so take it from me :D - dont worry - not major fantasies :tongue:

 

:D

 

Assalamu Alaykum

 

I had a feeling you guys will read into my fantasy world :biggrin: . Thnaks for caring. I got to move now though, so insha Allah i'll pop up and tell you about it and what i mean later.

 

Ma'assalam

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:D

 

actually i have a fantasy world too............i guess...but i'm not gonna try to explain! :D

 

just wanted to let brother farouk to know that its okay! in case he was feeling a bit :D

 

:D

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:D

 

actually i have a fantasy world too............i guess...but i'm not gonna try to explain! :D

 

just wanted to let  brother farouk to know that its okay! in case he was feeling a bit :D

 

:D

 

Assalamu Alaykum

 

Thanks sis Batoota. Actually sis, i was thinking its :D and :biggrin:

 

Ok. i'll post about me fantasy, let's hear yours too :laugh:

 

Ma'assalam

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Assalamu Alaykum,

 

Alright, i wont go into too much details about me fantasy, but basically they are jihad fantisies. I imagine how the great jihad will take place, how the muslims will win insha Allah and rule the whole world, and establish the greatest empire once again!!!

 

So usually my fatasies are about Islamic stuff. The bad part of it is sometimes the fantasies are a bit worldly rather than concentrating in the hereafter.

 

Do i need to clarify anything further???

 

Ma'assalam :biggrin:

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:D

 

alright, i'm not even going to start with my fantasty worlds! yours are like Islamic: let's just say that in mine i paly/ pretend that i am different peoples living in different areas......... :D :D and no, i will not clarify that! leaving it ambiguous on purpose!

 

but ne ways, i'd like to say one thing: brother, Faruok would you consider yours fantastical dreams? or plans? :D I mean, you never know: you could be the next Salah AdDeen or your kid could be!

 

:biggrin: :D

:D

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