Jump to content
Islamic Forum
7ayrana

My Parents Refuse The One I Love Because His Nationality Etc

Recommended Posts

Assalmu Alaykumm

 

Thank you brothers and sisters for taking the time to help me in my situation

 

Four years ago, i met a catholic man. He smoked and drank and slept around and was in a deep depression. After meeting me and seeing how much of a deep love i had for my religion, he (byhimself i never told him to) took Islamic classes. 5 months later, he converted to Islam. Right now, he does everything halaal, he prays and he even fasted Ramadan before he officially converted, and we plan on going to Hajj together after marriage INSHALLAH. My own father used to drink and smoke, and didnt pray when he was his age, he did not start praying since 10 yrs ago. My mother didnt wear a hijab until 3 years ago, and didnt start praying until a year ago. Although he was onyl muslim for 4 years, he is already a better muslim than both my parents are. His sister married a muslim man and converted and wears a hijab also. he is also very respectful and comes from a good family and he is also rich mashallah (i didnt know about his income when we met, he kept it a secret lol)

My parents wont accept him, only because he used to be a catholic. And also because we are palestinian and he is lebanese. I dont see these as valid reasons for regecting him, because i will never look at another man and will vow to chastisy if i dont marry him.

Is there anything i can do? Is there anyway to convince them? They obviously dont care what religion says, because in Islam a person’s religious-ness matters not what they were or what nationality. And they obviously care about what people will say (so-and-so’s daughter married a lebanese man who used to be catholic) than my happiness…..

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!! I have had many sleepless nights, and crying myself to sleep, i dont know what to do…..

 

Jazzak Allah khaiir

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
PropellerAds

:sl:

firstly trust me control your emotions, Love makes people blind!

 

second remind your parents that some of the sahabah were not even people of the book but idol worshippers. Speak to them

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

assalaam alaikum

 

in addition to^^and pray to Allah.why dont you pray isthikhaara to find out what is good and bad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

 

Marriage is already a difficult process, and it really irritates me when parents make it difficult for their children; thus opening the doors to fitna.

 

 

I'd advise you to first pray istikara, to see if Allah swt even agrees to this man being your husband. Like bro slave said, love makes people blind, so if the results of your istikhara are negative, do not despair, who knws whats best for you then your creator? Trust Him and have patience.

 

If however, the resut is good, then make plentiful dua that Allah swt softens up their hearts and guides them. Do not, however break down any barriers that havr been set forth for you both as non mehnems. You should do your utmost to start this on the rigth foot. Therefore do not do anything that willl present this man in a bad light to your parents.

 

May Allah swt belss you with a pious and loving husband. Ameen

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i did Istikhara,

a long time ago if i didnt do it i wouldnt go on with this at alll....and i did it seven times ot make sure and results were positive!!!!!!!!!!!

 

and is it NECESSARY for my father's approval??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam,

 

Have your parents met the brother? If not, could a meeting be arranged? If they see he's a decent person, that'd help.

 

Do you also have a relative or family friend that your parents respect that can argue your corner for you?

 

Wassalam.

Edited by borbus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Serrously guys,

some of the replies i have read seem soo wrong and haraam, with little or no regards of Islamic law.

If you have no real knowledge of the ruling of Islamic law, dont give your 2 cents.

 

From the little knowledge of Islamic law (remember I am not a scholar) it is haraam for you to marry without your mehram's consent (in this case, your father). Maybe someone else can offer you better advice (Inshallah) but please disregard some of the replies you have already had, as they are stupid, immoral and haraam, with complete disregard of Islam. (No point in giving salam if you are advising someone to blatently do haraam.. or if you dont have the Islamic knowledge, dont give advice.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Asslam Alykom Sister,

My wife had the same problems with her parents as I am from a different culture (the only difference is that I was born Muslim) I am pretty sure if I was a convert it would've been 100X difficult to get married, as her parents have the same thinking of yours. Even though you probably did already, I would suggest talking very nicely to your mom, and let HER talk to your dad. Mothers can have great effect on the Father. Tell her why you want to marry this man, and as someone else suggested show her Hadeeths, and tell her that people become Muslim because they CONVERT to Islam, if it weren't for your early grandfathers/mothers maybe you guys wouldn't be Muslims now right? and AllahoA3lam. How did Islam spread in the Prophet's time? It is because of his Hardwork and people coming to him and confessing their Islam!

Many of the Great companions of the Prophet PBUH were on different religions (Sulyman Al farsi, he came from Fire Worshipping backgroung, Then to Christianity, and THEN to Islam). and also Khalid Ibn Alwaleed, he fought against the Prophet, but in the end he was leading the Muslims in great victories as a general. and also UMAR IBN ALKHATAB! Was he born Muslim? no but he was one of the Rightly Guided Khalifs, and one of the prophet's closest companions, AND he was one of the ten who Allah himself said will Grant Paradise, Tell her this. Keep talking to your mother, Tell her that you've made Istikhara to Allah SWT and that you feel good about it. and ask her to Make Istikhara also. and InshaAllah if it is good for you Allah will soften her heart and also your Father's. I pray the best for you will come out of this inshaAllah

 

Wasslam Alykom

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

marriage is haraam without wali-that is your father's consent in this case.

remember marriage without your parent's consent maynot lead to happy life.how ever they treat you, they are still your parents.try to make them understand by talking.maybe there is someone in your family-maybe an uncle who can talk your parents on your behalf.but it is better if you can talk to your mom instead of someone else.because mom will be closer than anyone else.

salam

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

okay WHAT DO I DO IF THEY DONT LISTEN TO ME??

 

i CANT marry anyone else, and he is also a best friend to me not just my future husband (inshallah).

 

would it help to bring an Imaam with him to meet my dad, and maybe the Imaam or a Sheikh or Scholar can help me????

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Assalamualikum

 

make duaa sis... make lots of duaaa...this friend of mine wanted to marry this girl and his parents would refuse ....so he prayed and made duaaa and asked Allah .......he always made duaa and after one year they got married...and mashAllah they now have a baby boy :sl:.................SO MAKE DUAAA ....and about the wali thingy....check you are not allowed to post links yetIslam-qa(contact admin if its a beneficial link) ....i will also look to see if i can find something..then i'll post it

Edited by Abu Hafsa

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sister,

I would suggest letting The guy talk to the local Imam about the situation, and have the Imam talk to your father. and like the person Above me said, make Duaas all the time!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While I generally advise girls to take their parent's advice in issues like this (I'm a girl by the way); the reason they have for refusing is not really valid.

 

I like the post above, it's a good idea.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sl:

 

Referring your situation to the local Imam sounds like a good idea to me, as the brother suggested! Insha'Allaah it works out for you, make plenty of duaas. Remember: make duaa, do your best for the situation and leave your trust in Allaah.

 

Salaam

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salaam sis,

 

I know how hung up Arab families can get about issues like this. What is the obsession about which country you are from? And aslan there's no difference between Palestinians and Lebanese really.

 

Btw, what is his family's reaction to your marriage? And what exactly are your parents concerns with him being a convert? I.e. did they specify anything being wrong with it?

 

Inshallah everything will turn out for the best!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam Alaikum

wells aying that Marriage would be haraam without the will of teh fatehr is wrong

please dunt pass verdicts like taht here, Look at situations and then do it ..

 

Kindly sister just know that if your Istikhara is positive then go ahead.. Try to convince your parents .. otherwise go ahead take anythir family memebr as a Wali or any scholar of Islam. Below is a partof aan Article by Ibarhim Abu Khalid

 

The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you

go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or

not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or

against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be

blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the results of

an istikharah, because not doing so is tantamount to rejecting

Allah's guidance once you've asked for it. Also, you should

firstly clear your mind, not have your mind already decided,

and then afterwards follow the results willingly.

 

Istikhara is actually a ruling from Allah

 

Front Allah knows best

 

JAzak Allah khair

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope the best for you ... think well andtry to convience them again

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marriage is half of your faith does your farther rather you have sex with this man and not be married, does he want a harlot for a daughter or a muslim woman? In Islam we are free to choose who we want as a spouse do you fear your father and mother or do you fear Allah? Tell your parents that their being racist and Allah and his prophet are against racisim, When it comes to adults you are your own guardian and you can choose your muslim mate,YOU stick to what Allah says and get married.

 

Remember in Islam we are not to listen to our parents if they are telling us to do other than what Allah has said. Sister go ahead and make your weding plans and that will let your parents know that you are foreal and in love and if they love you they will acept your husband, if not then you keep good relations with your parents but follow what Allah says and get married before you and the one you love start commiting fornication.

 

dont worry they will get over it and come around they cant stay made at you forever for completing half of your faith. AND YOU WONT BE GOING AGAINST Islam. GET MARRIED GET MARRIED GET MARRIED AND MAY Allah BLESS YOU AND YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND WITH MANY YEARS OF MARRIAGE.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×