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Inner Peace And Happiness

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aslaam alaikum,

im not really sure how to begin this, i am a married woman and have been blessed with a child. i live with in-laws and husband for three years now. however despite being blessed with an easy life i am not happy, i don't mean to be ungrateful for what i have however the only reason i carry on each day is when i read prayer, when i don't i become depressed because each day is the same everlasting routine. i find solace at my mums' where i am more happier to be. i have tried talking to my husband but he never takes me seriously and just laughs it off. because of this i find myself distancing myself from him. please help me with some advice and guidance

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Walaykum salam sister,


I don't really know what to advise to you...but, I feel it is a duty to say a few words of help. Alhamdulilah that you've been blessed with a child and husband. InshaAllah they always be the comfort of your soul.


You mention it's the routine thing that gets to you, I kind of feel the same way too lately. It's like, is this all there is to life? Boring old routine stuff, day-in, day-out?


I personally feel that maybe Allah's trying to show you that this world is worth-less, that even if you have everything you'd ever want, you'd not have everlasting peace, you'd always want for more, there'd always be a hole somewhere.


I believe the hole in our lives is the absence of total submission to Allah's will. Like relying on, fearing Allah and doing what he's command of us, to the BEST of our abilities, 24/7. MashaAllah, you mention how you feel at peace when you're praying, that's definitely a good thing! Allah wants you to turn to him and when you do, things become better for you.


I guess my advice would be to attempt to pray as much as possible, live your life for Allah's sake, forget about this world. Go against your own desires, make dhikr. Strive to do good deeds as much as possible.


Also, make PLENTY of dua! Make dua for guidance, primarily. Guidance in the sense that you get guided to what will help you. Make sincere dua, make it as though Allah is DEFINITELY listening and will DEFINITELY answer! That will increase your tawakul.


I hope what I've written may help in some manner, even if it's very small. May Allah make things easy for, may Allah protect, may Allah guide and may Allah help, you, your husband, your child and your entire family, ameen!

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Wa 'alaykum assalam dear sister


Brother Alpha Dude's advice is excellent and I'd recommend that you think about what he said.


And remember, that nothing in this world will be more satisfying than the remembrance of Allah :sl: and when you will remember Him, you'll remember His commands, and when you adhere to the guidance, the sweetness of eemaan will taste so good that nothing else will satisfy you.


The Messenger of Allah :no: said that Allah :j: said:


“I am as My servants think of Me, and I am with them when they make remembrance of Me. So if they remember Me to themselves, I remember them to Myself. And if they remember me in a gathering, I remember them in a gathering better than theirs. If they draw closer to Me by a handspan, I draw closer to them by an arm’s length. And if they draw closer to Me by an arm’s length, I draw closer to them by two arm’s lengths. If they come walking to Me, I hasted to them.†[bukhari and Muslim]


You could draw closer to Him by remembering Him, performing obligatory and voluntary good works, and show thankfulness. Alhamdulillah, you are blessed with a husband and a child- a good family! Thank Allah and seek his assistance on how you must spend each and every day of your life with your family, what impact you will be on them and so on. Do not despair. You may not even realize this, but there is so much left to do and a way to achieve this is to constantly remember Allah and make the hereafter your main concern. Try to do a little bit more than you already do, constantly ask for forgiveness, manage anger, resentment etc. May Allah give you the best of both worlds :sl:



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walaikum aslaam,

thank you for your replies, what you said make so much sense. it is true no matter how much we have we always want more i should be grateful for what i have, and spent more time reading prayer rather than my own selfish needs. thank you for your guidance it was very much appreciated may Allah also guide and bless you in every step of your life.

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Assalamu alaykum,


A mumin' should never get bored by daily life, because everyday is new for the people who believe in Allah and the last day. If you think you are really bored and have nothing to do, read books, learn how to cook/sew, bring up your child like the childeren of companions were raised. Be an awesome example for your kid. Memorize Quran, Be active in Community (see if somebody needs help), Involve in dawah, have a good realtionship with family and friends, visit the sick, and ofcourse lets not forget the main purpose of life...Worship Allah swt.


Hasaan Al basri once said: Seek happiness in one of three things...


1) Recitation of Quran

2) Salah

3) Dhikr of Allah swt


If you don't find happiness in one of these things then the door to happiness is closed for you.


InshaAllah everything will work out for ya. Remember life is never boring when there is knowldge out there which will never end - the knowledge of Islaam.


May Allah swt make it easy for us to be among the righteous Ameen.


- Rabiya

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Im sorry but i think you misunderstand................


the reason for this post is that i do many of the things that you suggest however i want a life outside the house, i enjoy my child also i know how to cook and sew, and am constantly trying to improve my myself Islamically. however recently i asked my husband if i could participate in outside activities such as a course, which is not wrong Islamically however he is against all ideas of anything like this because of his parents. i understand that it is important to care for your family and home, and i would not forsake this for fulltime education or work however i cannot convince them to meet me halfway.


this the reason why i am at a loss and unhappy

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BOREDOM...yes a common affliction of the affluent....in your second post you say,"ther is nothing un-islamic about me(your husband's wife)having an 'outside' factor to me life but he (your husband) is totally against it"..well that makes your 'outside' life unislamic sister...maybe the reason you feel this way is that you dont have your own privacy where you live...and that is your basic right..according to Islamic ssaria'ah "when you marry awoman and she leaves her house to come and live with you, you must arrange for some room/space where she can enjoy ABSOLUTE privacy...if you cant make/hire a sepearte room for her, fix a tent where even the husband must go ONLY with her permission"....so maybe that is the root of your boredom and your feeling that getting out of the 'in-laws' meshwork you only have one choice and that is to get out of the house..../?

i would suggest you spoke to a mufti, gained absolutely indisputable knowledge of what your rights are and how a breach of them makes it "barakah-less' for the whole house-hold and then speak to your husband about arranging for your privacy, which ofcourse includes a kitchen or at least an electric kettle :sl:..

i sympathise with you my sister...am also copying this from the IF...please read this too..may help even more, insha-Allah





I have had the good fortune to be involved in rehabilitating muslim drug addicts…


Drug addicts are not, as the myth mis-informs, “the scum of the earthâ€, they are as medical science, states, “born with with a genetic predisposition to getting addicted to whatever they choose for mood enhancement….25% of all newbornsâ€â€¦




I interpret it, from personal experience & from having worked/lived/shared with addicts from pakistan,Saudi arabia, England,germany,Russia,uzbekistan,kazakhastan,sri-lanka and Thailand:& from my knowledge of the fact that Allah’s doings are never flawed;




“these are people born with a genetic predisposition to ‘getting whatever they set their minds at’ COME-WHAT-MAY..†but since the majority are without guidance, they go astray and waste their talents (for achieving whatever they set as their aims) in the la’ la’ land of drugs.â€




SINCE 2003 I have been practicing only with addicts, and for the first couple of years I was applying the psycho-social tools of medical science….in 2004 december someone pointed out to me that I was treating muslims, like patients, I should treat them like muslims and not patients…..




That comment did not go un-registered, and I slowly started trying to find a means of bringing the admitted guests to their senses through Islamic tools,,they call it the ‘holistic/humanistic’ approach to psychology…it is supposed to be the most modern psychology, while Islam taught it 1400 years ago…




I had staff from varying sects and I realized that those coming for treatment,and those treating them, both lacked knowledge of what Islam truly is…..


That included myself, since I was aware of the philosophy,the theory of Islam but was not practicing it in my social interactions(means I was not a muslim when things around me were not to my liking, I would be the usual loud mouthed authoritarian,aggressive,chauvinistic,narcissict).




Anyway,.. I resorted to resign the psychology lectures and psychotherapy to the hired psychologists, and myself, I concentrated on trying to make my staff+patients, understand the holy quran…..




During that stage I realized the fatehaa9the openig chapter/preface to the quran) was what needed to be understood the most…




Still later I realized the ‘siraat mustaqeem’/the upright path, needs to be explained as well as understood…the most.




I remember in one of my lectures, after I pointed out that the siraat-mustaqeem is vertically straight, not along the horizontal axis,and we ought to focus vertically above at Allah for He sends the next moment/result from vertically above….i asked one of the listeners, “and how long is this vertically straight path…how distant is our target of focusâ€â€¦so the brother replied, “oh it is infinetly distant, verrrryyyyy long†and I said “no†Allah subhanohu v ta’laa is closer to us than our jugular veins…He tells us in the quran, “I am located between the individual and the individual’s source of being living/life/pacemaker activityâ€â€¦.




So gradually I learned that if I could adhere to the siraat mustaqeem that I explained in my lectures, if I could remain conscious each moment, that the moment I am in is sent by Allah to help me grow(in patience, tolerance,charity,mercy,giving,gratitude, acceptance)….


I could overcome my lack of patience that marred my social life with stains of failed relationships with siblings, parents, neighbors, friends, wives, children…




So since early 2005, I started concentrating on this aspect of myself and the fatehaa, but I kept failing…I would be a good muslim as long as things around me were running smoothly,and I would be a heart-wrenching,shouting imbecile as soon as things around me took any turns against my likings….my entire philosophy of ‘each moment and the result of each moment comes from vertically above,and is beyond manipulation by anyone, other than Allah’ would puncture…rather burst.




2005, and then 2006 and then nearly all of 2007 went in that state,….




... that remorse that follows such animal-like behavior…that ugggliessst feeling ever experienced by a human would shatter me into a million pieces, but alhamdulillah I could not give up nimaaz/salaat/the 5 obligatory congrgational prayers per day…and that kept me trying….




How can I remain focused on my own word of mouth, my own interpretations of the faatehaa, my own lectures to people in treatment…ya Allah help me, I am not even zero if I am not sincere to you in action…and I have continuously failed to be kind, generous, complacent, merciful,forgiving…I am not at all like Muhammad alaih asslaatu wasslaam….




This torturing feeling stayed with me for three years…alhamdulillah(gratitude and praise be to Allah) for nimaaz/salaat/the 5 obigatory congregational paryers per day, for it wont allow a man to sink into despair, for if I had not had salaat/nimaaz I would have reverted to drugs due to this magnum hatred I felt for myself…..




I could see myself ‘teaching what I was not practicing’….




Then at the end of this ramazaan(the fasting month for muslims), the qari(the gentleman who says the prayer call in the Masjid) who knew me since 2002, and had witnessed my tantrums in the Masjid,and whose brother was the ‘listener/saame’a’(the one who listens to the recitation of the one who leads the congregational prayer) during the taraaveeh( a form of optional ,congregational paryer in which the entire quran is recited by the one leading the paryer and theose in congregation listen to his recitation and correct him if he makes any mistakes,of spelling,punctuation marks, pronunciation etc.,the entire quran is read out in 29 nights and is a tool that has kept the quran free of any 'additions' /'deletions' because traveeh have gone on for 1400 years and are said in every town,city,village,country that has muslims living there) at our hospital visited me after ramazaan…..




I lamented my ill ikhlaaq( attitude) and he said, “dr. sahib I myself used to feel angry at minute things, and used to get consumed with anger, but my teacher told me to say rosary/tasbeeh of, ‘ salla allahu a’al habeebihi muhammadinv aalehi v sallimâ€(Allah exposed his grandiose mercy to muhammad and those who believe in him by following in his footsteps) 1100 times/dayâ€â€¦


so I replied by saying that my father (yarhamhullah/may Allah Bless him) had said to me, ‘ you have no faults except your temper,and if you don’t control it you will go very low in life….and I had said I just loose control when my temper takes charge, so abba-ji /dad(yarhamhullah) had said, “you should always keep saying sal allahu a’la Muhammadâ€â€¦.




So the qari insisted that I memorize what he had just told me and the 6 or 7 times that I repeated it, I also visualized what I was saying (so I could remember it by remembering the technique of whatever I was saying)




And I realized those were the most perfect words….




I remembered the hadeeth(saying of the prophet muhammad alaih assalaam) in which rasoolullah alaih asslaatu wassalaam had asked a suhaabi/friend, “how far do you think death is from youâ€â€¦and the suhaabi had answered, “ya rasoolullah when I say salaam ,at the end of my nimaaz/prayers, to my right side, I don’t know if I will manage saying it to my left side(muslims finish the congregational prayer, by saying 'may you be out of harm's way in every way' to those on the right and then those on the left..it does not take longer than a few seconds)…and rasoolullah had said, “you think it too distant, I don’t know if I will manage exhaling the wind I just inhaledâ€â€¦..




So with this definition/Limits for the ‘given moment/oppurtunity’ as defined by rasoolullah, if I remain busy in doing what Allah does, I would remain on the siraat….i.e., try to reach out to muhammad's ways of perception, thought and action by praying for him and myself




Also, the ‘maghzoobi alaihim’ in the fatehaa…must mean a million things but to my mind ,anything that makes me uneasy is a moment spent in discomfort/wrath….(one of my earlier entries translates the faatehaa)


Because that moment’s situation is being translated by my nafs which is sick of seeking ease and comfort…..while Allah subhanohu v ta’laa does not do any thing flawed,so that sense of discomfort is actually my moment spent among those for whom whatever was sent , caused discomfort/dis-ease/wrath




so if the limits of the given moment are as rasoolullah defined above, and the definition for ‘humm/worry’ is worrying about the future, and ‘huzan/grief’ is wasting time over the past….described as the 2 tools that shaitaan/satan hunts muslims with….




Then the best way/tool for staying in the present moment and capitalizing on it is to keep my tongue and mind busy in saying , “ sal allahu a’la habeebihi muhammadinv aalehi wassallimâ€â€¦..




The meanings of the sentence also convey the sense of how Allah showered His mercy(the greatest among them being ‘knowledge’) onto humanity by choosing Muhammad as the medium of expression for Allah’S mercy,




Because it is in Muhammad’s attitudes, perception patterns, behavior, and actions that the meanings of the ‘hidden’ book(kitaabun maknoon)/quran are preserved,and as our mother,(the wife of the prophet) Aishaa razi allahu anha said, “kaan khulquhu al- quranâ€â€¦(his, Muhammad alaih asslatu wassalaam’s attitude,behavior,patterns were the quran in practice).




So I started on this practice, within a couple of days, the meanings of what I say, went beyond the limits of my vocabulary,and the ecstacy, the joy, the charm ,the gratitude, the complacence, the cool-headed-ness that I yearned for started moving in ……




I started experiencing how, letting Allah manage the next moment, made me free of the aghlaal/yoke of my past confidence in my own muscle of mind, body and tact….how free it makes me…




I wished to share this with all muslims, for them to experience the joy I am experiencing…




None of us is responsible for the next moment or it’s contents…the 99 names of Allah are all promises of Allah for the next moment..he is the mu’izz(THE ONE WHO IMPARTS/GRANTS CONTROL OVER EVERYTHING/ANYHTING) ,the razzaq(THE ONE WHO GRANTS NOURISHMENT...NOT ONLY FOOD BUT NOURISHMENT FOR ALL OUR SENSES AND POSITIVE EMOTIONS),the mo’min(THE ONE WHO GRANTS SHELTER/PROTECTION) the muhaimin(THE ONE WHO GRANTS PERSEVERENCE AND PRESERVATION), the vadood(THE ONE WHO GRANTS LOVE/AFFINITY/AFFECTION)...THE 99 ATTRIBUTES OF Allah are also posted in one of my past entries……




Our responsibility/freedom of action is just this available moment…


And as Allah says in the quran at the end of surah baqra, “v inn tubdu maa fi anfusikum aou tukhfuhu, yuhaasibkum bihillahâ€/if you disclose what is in your hearts/minds/selves or hide it, Allah will hold you to account for it…… So even in this present given moment we are only free to, “feel/think/perceive†actions need mental commands to the muscles of our body and therefore they are in the next moment and thus out of our field of control….Subhaanallah, val hamdulillah v laa ilaaha il-Allah v allahuakbar min maa katabt v laa hauola v laa quwaata illa billah.

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Bro/Sis Mashallah thanks for this insightful post.....can you kindly post the Darood in Arabic.

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i dont have the arabic fonts, but i will spell it in english and you can pronounce it, insha Allah ,correctly from how i spell it"sal-llahu a'laa muhammadinv aalihi wasallim"

'sal' starts with the arabic letter "suad' it is also the first letter in 'salaat/the obligatory prayer' and sal is connected to Allah so when you pronounce sal-allahu, you omit the sound of 'A' at the beginning of 'Allah' and say sal-llahu....the a'laa is the arabic a'laa which means 'upon' starting with the same letter that fatima razi allahuanha's husband "a'li" starts with ...muhaamadin and the v after it are connected to aalihi...so you pronounce it as muhammadinv aalihi...i hope i explained in understandably....

how does one get arabc fonts on this forum...like how can one use arabicfonts in one's posts??is my question:)

Edited by abukhaleel

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subhaan-Allah...see this is exactly what subhaan Allah means, He controls everything...in my post above i wished to write, sal-llahu a'laa habeebihi muhammadinv aalihi wasallim.....but i missed the word, habeebihi.....and when you say this, pay attention that Allah exposed his mercy and grace to rasoolullah but for that to be visible to me/you we have to practice those attributes in our daily social interactions that rasoolullah did...mostly, 'patience,self-lessness,sacrifice for others,gratitude for Allah, trusting Allah to do the best,believing all the while that this life is a test,and the media for the tests are our surroundings, relatives,situations,and whtever isn happening around us, is by Allah's will/permission...etc., etc., and each moment we practice rasoolullah's patterns of behavior/perception/action we find the reward waiting for us in the very next moment....the reward is an inner satisfaction like one gets at the time of iftaar....i hope and pray this works for you as well as it did for me...amen.

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