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Selfish Parents?

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:D warahmatullah

 

Through relatives we found this practicing guy for my older sister. The last guy was some "freshie", now my parents have a thing about race, this guy apart from skin colour seemed a different race to me. He couldn't speak English well, wasn't practising and just seemed DIFFERENT, age wise seemed as old as my dad. Basically my sister would have been full of regrets marrying this guy. My sister wants to marry outside the race, I don't see my parents allowing it. So this practising guy now is on the scene and my dad didn't agree with it. Same race and brought up here, BUT his sisters are married to a different race. Therefore my dad doesn't agree.

 

One of the reasons is that people will talk. He gave the example that at an Islamic bookshop a mixed race couple walked in. Out of all the people going to the shop, why was the owner talking about them? (asked my dad). I don't see the problem with his sister's marrying different race. The kind of people that will talk, we don't hang around with anyway. Also this guy doesn't have a degree, it doesn't matter to me or my sister, but does to my dad. He doesn't realise that she's "getting on" and we should just look at the guy and his character, the family doesn't matter as much. Trying to find someone with a "degree" will be difficult as they are mostly married with kids already.

 

Dad had some valid points but at this rate she'll be in her 40's, no, infact she'll never marry as when she gets older the chances of marriage reduce. As she's never had kids menopause will come sooner for her. Basically he makes me feel like if he dies it will make life easier. That's bad I know. He says people will talk, but that's his type of people. When religious (or so called £religious") families approach us they'll get put off because of his unislamic business - in that case people do "talk", and that effects us who will be living when he and his type of people, generation, die. I just want big sister to marry someone she won't feel dissapointed or have regrets with.

 

We agreed in the end to find someone of the same race and at least raised here. But then most guys in their 30s elligble are divorced or something, and you can bet my dad doesn't want that.

 

Basically if I wasn't trying to be Muslim, I would have like left my parents, cut ties with them. It's like all these years the parents don't know their kids, demonstrated by the fact that they wanted her to marry these "freshie" guys.

 

A fear I have is that I'll be a crap parent like my dad. I could point out somethings to them how crap they are/were, but there's no point in telling them that now. In fact it was like me who learnt how to pray myself, can't remember anyone else showing me how, but I read your parents are meant to teach you.

 

:D

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PropellerAds

:D

yoo take achill pill..its ok....it is the parents duty to find a boy/girl for their son./daughter...i suggest you all sit down and have a talk...i hate it when the "people will talk scenario" comes up...like soo anoying..many of us are in the same boat..in surat Hujurat..it says we should marry within our own community first..this is the translation

you want to listen clik on this .or paste in adress line "you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.haqaonline(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/multimedia/audio/English/"]you can't post links until you reach 50 posts_www.haqaonline(contact admin if its a beneficial link)/multimedia/audio/English/[/url] and it is surat hujurat..then we marry outside of our community

 

put your trust in Allah swt that he may find oyur sister a pious husband....do sincere dua...be respectful to your parents...never be rude...you got to have patience..maybe this is a test from Allah swt...you have to pass it...he only tests those who HE the almighty knows are capable of taking such a test

have pateince..talk to your sister and father togeether..it will help

hope you find the ^ useful

:D

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salaam sister

 

I have heard so many stories of people in similar circumstances, each time I get more and more fustrated

 

Parents these days, have a picture of the ideal partner for there children and they refuse to accept anything different. The only advice I will give, you must continue to explain to your dad, marriage is half religion, the sooner your sister marries the better, otherwise it will be very difficult as you say.

 

Sister, be patient with your parents, avoid saying bad things about them, they just do not have understanding about certain issues.

 

As for people talking they are just ignorant and need to be reminded about there religion. People should worry about what Allah (swt) thinks of them not others.

 

I am sure others will give more advice, take care sister and hope everything works out

 

maah as salaam

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:D

^ posted thrice???hmmm?

inshallah things will get better sis...make deep and sincere dua..be kind and happy towards your parents..once again talk to them..it will help..you have got to work up the courage and do so...i beleive that will work and improve your situation

email/pm one of us sisters if you want to talk privately or want more help

take care

:D

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sorry everyone, don't know why it posted three times.

 

problem sorted - :smile: - edited by Sunshinez

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:D

you must have pressed add reply three times

just edit your post

:D

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:D

 

What more can I say but to agree with what has already been said.

 

END THE JAHILIYYAH! I'm getting so sick of it....cultural garbage is getting on my last nerve.

 

It seems like a situation like this is second nature now....how sad!

 

Who else wants to join me in starting an organization such as "Muslims Against Jahiliyyah" or "Muslims Against Cultural Baggage"???

 

Would it be appropriate to say that I'm very much on the EDGE today?

Edited by Paki Brother

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:D

 

im so sorry to hear this....

 

im with Paki brother

 

this cultural baggage thing is causin so many probs :sad:

i dont get why people dont look at persons as a person or as a muslim...(get wat i mean?)

 

hope it all works out for ur sis

goodluck :smile:

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Salam

 

Well I haven’t read the responses other brothers and sister gave you but will read them in time.

 

I think your sister should put her foot down on this. If she found some one she likes with the right requirements then your dad should agree with it. he has to make the effort to try at least. Race has no place in Islam.

 

I mean if you have been following my thread in the counselling room you will understand, but my family did have the issues with the proposal, but now my elder put his foot down and said he wants to meet the guy, and guess what the others wanted the same. Once they met him they fell in love with his dad….lol. :D And of course him. My mum/dad both ok now.

 

So I think it takes one person to be ok about it then the rest will follow.

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Assalamu alaikum,

 

V true sis, there's nothing like advice from someone who's experienced the same!!

 

Wslm

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:D

 

You mean the guy's the same ethnicity but his sisters have married different ethnicities? O_o That's why he's rejecting it?

 

Madness.

 

:D

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salam,

 

Exactly what is the fuss about? He is the same ethnicity as you, so what if the sisters married outside.

 

Personally the guy that my family are hoping to get me married to is different to me, plus his two sisters are married two different ethnicity as well.

 

My parents had no objection to that.

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:D

true^...as long as he is a good muslim and has a good sound knowlegde..its cool...i agree..culture gets in the way...especially pakistani culture....

:D

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:D warahmatullah

 

There's a new twist. I find out she already knows this guy from email/matrimonial site. He's already rejected her. There was another brother through her work that wanted to propose to her but she rejected him. Then through family he is informed of her again (doesn't know it's the same person he tried to propose to earlier), and he rejects it based on our dad's business. Small world.

 

:D

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