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abukhaleel

How I Gave Up Smoking

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. a friend has asked through a note..[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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i started smoking when i was 15 years of age..[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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a senior cousin introduced me to smoke[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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the only reason i lit up then was to feel 'grown up'and to give that impression [using large font size is not allowed]

 

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i became a chain smoker when i left the public/military school that was my home from age 12 to 17...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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being released from the 'controlled environment' of a hostel to the metropolitan city of lahore's freedom went to my head and since my parents and the rest of the family lived abroad,i was not answerable to any....[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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add to the above, an easy supply of funds and you have all the makings of delinquency...i thought (then) that delinquency is synonymous with 'freedom'...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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so i gave up my lungs and my time and my health to smoke...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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my dad (Yarhamhullah/God Bless his soul) once spoke to me,"looke here" he told me,"all my friends, most of them, smoke, i dont have anything against smoking, what bothers me is the fact that today you are enslaved by this 'dead' matter, what if tomorrow you get some real 'living' temptation...you will certainly get enslaved "....[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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then on another occasin he said to me,"you will never be human/humane as long as you smoke"....[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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this was when i was 19...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

surely the same year i fell for a married woman, who was senior to me by[using large font size is not allowed]

 

8 years ,and i was head over heels in insanity for her...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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dad pointed out to me , how the shaitaan/satan's favorite pupil is the one who causes a divorce among a muslim couple ,and only that info corrected my mental posture to normalcy...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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another year later i was on cannabis and dad(Yarhamhullah) was told by my twin...,he said nothing to me for over a year, and then one day when he was visiting pak, he took me to the front lawn and lectured me about how cannabis makes one impotent very slowly,like termite does...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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however i was imprevious to his advice....[using large font size is not allowed]

 

next year when i was 21 he died....[using large font size is not allowed]

 

at 29 when i passed my final year exams of medical school/college,and i was awarded the degree and the license to practice general medicine,psychiatry and general surgery, i came home to find my uncle(dad's brother) visiting us from abroad...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

i said to him,"chacha jee(honorable uncle) i am a doctor today"..[using large font size is not allowed]

 

and he said, "i'll congragulate you when you become human, becoming a doctor is no big deal"....

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[using large font size is not allowed]i was on heroine then and my son and daughter were only 3 and 2 years of age, respectively ...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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then the downward spiral of 'smoke' took me places...geographic shifts, expecting a change of the environment to cause a change in me...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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i married a number of times, ...and of course all my spouses would eventually decide they couldnt live with someone who was a love bird when 'fixed with a dose' and a wild beast when without it....everyone who walked out on me said the same thing....they all said they had tried because they found me honest and they decided to run because they also found me abbbsolutely unpredictable...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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my migrations from country/culture to country/culture finally brought me back to pakistan...but this time i changed the city...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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however this migration was not with the intent of escaping my habits but for hiding them from my family...i was forty and my siblings' next generation were grown up enough to see anyhting crooked about anything..[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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then i had the car accident i mentioned elsewhere in my entries here...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

it was a head on collision..the person who hit my car was drunk...i was snoozing on my steering wheel due to a heroine buzz…driving on a highway...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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my twin (a doctor too)intervened, literally kidnapped me from that city, threw all my stuff into a big truck and shifted me to his house/mansion in lahore...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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i mention the richness of the environment he shifted me to, with the intent of explaining how it worked for my ease-loving,effort-less- gratification-seeking personality...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

i dove deeper into la' la' land...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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but since he is my twin,and a doctor too..he allowed me the vacation..probably waiting for the right moment……untill one day when we had some of my friends visting and i went up a flight of stairs to fetch somethings to entertain them with..[using large font size is not allowed]

 

while i was going up that flight of stairs, and these were a very straight row of stairs about 22 feet in height...my twin reminded me,"careful of the last step , the last step up there is not in line with the rest"...(he reminded me cause he could sense i was sniffing)[using large font size is not allowed]

 

i slipped from the last step and came rolling down the flight of stairs...backward somersaults all the way to the bottom...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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when i came to about a couple of minutes later...my twin was shouting at me..and my friends were shouting at my twin...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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twin was saying things like"how could you not have broken your neck or your spine with that fall you numb idiot"....and my friends were shouting at my twin,"hey chain this guy with a rope, break his legs if you have to..at least he will live"...and these were guys who would give their right arm for me[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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so that day these friends from my teen age and my twin gave me the tongue lashing i deserved..

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when those guys left my twin said to me,"you have wasted your life..you are 40 and you have wasted every blessing Allah sent your way...you wasted your medical credentials and talents, those are not for you to waste, this poor country paid for you to become a doctor and you went and wasted it, depriving this nation of not only it's funds but of a better doctor who could have served had you not used up the space in the medical college......my fear is that although you wasted this life...you are going to turn your next/eternal life to hell too if you dont wake up to the reality of your purpose for being alive...you have seen everything in life,you have tried every vice and pleasure...there is only one single thing that you have not seen/been to and that you definetly will, because all of us will,every living being does,and that is the grave...why are you bent upon changing your grave, your eternal abode into hell?"....[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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next i was thrown into a treatment facility, a cage for addicts...i stayed there for 3 months...saw the sun and the sky after three months...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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but while there i resolved to try the one thing i had not tried all my life...i had known always that it was the route to everlasting victory but i had never had the courage or was never pushed so hard against the wall to try it...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

i decided to try living as a believer is supposed to....

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[using large font size is not allowed] after discharge from the asylum i went to live with a group of people, all of who seeked the same 'learning' of how to live like a believer...how to copy muhammad(alaih assalaam) in thought intent and [using large font size is not allowed]

 

action...

 

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when i was 41 i was praying regularly...

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[using large font size is not allowed]the same group asked me to make a rehab facility for addicts, where i would treat them and train them to stay steadfast in self-disciplining through practicing Islam...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

i agreed and i started on it...it worked well enough for the philosophy to attain the govt's recognition...

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[using large font size is not allowed]myself i was drug free but still smoking....

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[using large font size is not allowed]medical psychiatry advises against forcing hard-drug addicts to give up smoking..it tells us to be slow in rehabilitating their thought/perception patterns and wait for the person him/herslef to make that decision of giving up smoking...so i vehemently advocated my smoking...i actually believed that i was entiteled to smoking plain cigarettes....i know all hard-drug addicts feel that way when they are off thier hard-drug-of-choice....[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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anyway..my good fortune kept me 'trapped' in this rehab facility for over 4 years when i heard a sermon...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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the gentleman over 70 years of age was lecturing oldtimers....he was saying,"you have acquired the guise of believers while you actually chase after good times, your faith is that living like a believer will grant you success in this life and paradise/jannah in the next...so you are actually chasing good times and you are robbers in disguise of believers".......[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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this was like a sledge hammer hitting my head...for 15 days after that sermon i was in the same kind of daze..exactly in the same kind of daze that i was in when my dad (Yarhamhullah) had died...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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i asked questions of the oldtimers, and all of them , all those that i asked felt the same...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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then i met someone, another 'oldtimer' who asked me before answering me,"do you agree that you were trying to live a believer's life because you seeked success here and hereafter"...and i said "yes ofcourse..is that not the purpose of it all"...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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so he explained,"when ibraheem alaih asslaam was about to be thrown into fire by nimrod, the angel of rain and the angel incharge of the mountains had asked ibraheem if he wanted their help, but ibraheem had turned down their help"...why??...because ibraheem believed that,"IF MY OWNER WISHES THAT I BE ROASTED IN FIRE, I WILL GLADLY/WILLINGLY FOLLOW THROUGH"....so the oldtimer explained, that when we choose Islam only because it brings us peace and serentiy here and herafter then our aim is our own desire for good times..our aim/goal/focus is not the WILL OF THE OWNER....and when we are seeking the definitions of good times as defined by us ourselves, then hard times find us deserting our OWNER...we ignore the OWNER'S commands and continue the chase after our own definitions for a good time ,by hook or by crook...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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i agreed with what he was saying...looking back at my 4 years of sobriety(one year in renovating the rehab faciltiy and then 3 in running it)i could see the whole time studded with episodes of tantrums, absolutely un-islamic behavior on my part when things went against the way my serenity/peace of mind wanted them to...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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"ok...so how do i change my 'priorities' now?"...i asked the 'oldtimer' and he said,

"work hard on your obligatory prayers/salaat/nimaaz....your degree of belief in nimaaz/salaat/obligatory prayer being a dialogue with Allah and your nimaaz/salaat/obligatory prayer being the Only tool for getting what you wish for, from your Owner,Allah will change your 'priorities' propotionately"...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

so what the oldtimer said meant, the more i believe in my obligatory prayer to be the 'apple of my eye'(as arsoolullah/prophet muhammad said) the greater will my fidelity be to my Owner and the lesser will it become to my own definitions for goodtimes/mental peace/serentiy....the obligatory prayer being the exercise that trains self-discipline,discipline of thoughts,desires,wishes,intents,behavior[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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all this happened in a span of less than 20 days, on the 21st or the 22nd day, while i was saying my zuhar(noon)prayer i had this thought, "when i have recourse to this(obligatory prayer/salaat/nimaaz) which is Allah's favorite most human act and which is a blessing i wont have even in paradise(if i make it there), why do i need cigarettes?"....

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that was it for my smoking, when i returned from the Masjid, i did not wish to smoke any longer...i chose to use snuff for keeping the nicotine cravings at bay...i made that choice not trusting my resolve...but i gave up smoking for good..alhamdulillah...[using large font size is not allowed]

 

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i still use snuff/naswaar...and i wish to give it up this ramazaan(fasting month) insha-Allah.....

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[using large font size is not allowed]this narration doesn’t stop here,,,after may 2005 when I gave up smoking, my attitude improved but did not recover….[using large font size is not allowed]

 

I was still uneasy with my problems with my attitude towards others…till someone told me the saying of ‘umar razi allahu anhu’(the friend of Muhammad, and his father-in-law and then his caliph after he passed away)…. “religion is not prayers and fasting, religion is your behavior with othersâ€â€¦

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[using large font size is not allowed]So I was in many ways back to square one with the work I needed to do on myself…

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[using large font size is not allowed]I was regular at nimaaz/salaat/obligatory prayers, was modest in my behavior in every sense but not polite to or considerate of others, rather absolutely stabbing with my cutting speech and remarks when angry….[using large font size is not allowed]

 

I wasn’t cheating anyone, never did, but when provoked (the provocation coming from within me, my flawed perception patterns triggering my sick attitude/my nafs controlling the inferences I drew from situations) I would do my best to riddle the facing person’s heart with my cutting tongue…

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[using large font size is not allowed] I remember I had met this psychologist on line, she practices in the u.s.a and is a paksiatni by origin,she had told me, “addicts take 5 years of sobriety to get to that stage where they, for the first time, peek into their selves and realize their deeper issues of personality and psychologyâ€â€¦then I had disregarded her words, but now I agree with her…..

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[using large font size is not allowed]Presently when I pray to Allah Subhanohu v ta’laa…I also say, “Ya Allah, I was never told that I was sent here to be tested, I was always trained to think that I was meant to achieve things for myself, with my own efforts, and the achievements were all outside of me…now I am told/convinced that I am here for being tested by you through your creation….,and my senses and desires are among your creations too…they have driven me wayward for most of my life, but thanks to you Ya Allah, you showed me through your prophet that the achievements I am to make are against my own ease-seeking, effortless-gratification-seeking, self-serving person….now I wish to succeed at being sincere to you in EVERY moment..so help me and forgive my past, and since You are not subject to limits, change the consequences of my past mistakes to consequences of good, and I am a living witness to the fact that your prophet conveyed your complete message, by word of mouth and through his actions/life and so did his friends, so elevate their levels in Your own book/records pleaseâ€.amen[using large font size is not allowed]

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PropellerAds

Subhanallah, jazakallah for such a thought-provoking article dear bro. I love your threads! :sl:

 

:ws:

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:sl:

 

Wow bro that was a very touching read. :j:

:no: for sharing.May Allah bless you and love you immensely,ameen. :D

 

:sl:

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Assalamu Alaikum bro, I'm VERY proud of you! :sl:

 

Good job on giving up smoking, Inshallah one day you will quit taking snuff also.

Edited by WVista

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